Can I stay overnight at my cohabitating daughter's house?

I am planning to visit my daughter who lives about nine hours away from me. She is 28 years old and lives with her boyfriend, which we, of course, do not approve of. We have tried to discuss it with her, but she refuses to even discuss it. She knows what the Church says, but she has left the Church and is not even sure she believes there is a God. This is heartbreaking for us. We want to visit her, and she wants us to stay with her at their apartment.

Our relationship has been very strained for years, due to her lifestyle changes and leaving the Church. We want to have some semblance of a relationship with her again. Would it be wrong for us to stay with her at her apartment when we don’t agree with their living arrangement? They said they will not sleep together when we stay with them, and will give us their bed while they take the couches. They live in the Midwest and all the hotels are far from where they live and much too expensive for us. They don’t have cars, so transportation is a problem and we want to spend time with her, not in a hotel. Would it be sinful to stay with them?

A basic principle of hospitality is that you do not accept from others what you cannot reciprocate to them. If you stay overnight in your daughter’s home, you will have undermined your own ability to refuse to let your daughter and her boyfriend stay overnight in your home.

You need to make it clear to your daughter that if it is important to her that you visit her and spend time in her home, then it is up to her to make it possible for you to do so without violating your conscience. Right now, the present cohabitation makes overnight stays in her home impossible (even if there are no illicit relations going on while you are in residence). It sounds to me like your daughter has made it impossible for you to discuss with her the immoralities in which she is engaged in any other way than how they impact you. So, you can be just as firm in refusing to discuss staying overnight in her home until she has done what is necessary to make it possible for you to do so.

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