Can it be sinful to desire a baby?


#1

Okay guys, this might be an odd one, but lately I have felt a real desire to be a mother and have a baby.

Of course, I have always wanted to have a family and be married. In this recent case, however, I am talking about a deeper feeling of desire, not just an idea to aspire towards.

I was wondering if this is some batty change of hormones, or if this can become a sinful desire or if it means anything…or if I’m just overanalyzing.

It is driving me batty, that’s for sure! I actually feel distracted from work/school.


#2

i dont think it is sinful to desire a baby. i had the same feeling starting around 3 years ago… and then i got married and now unfortunately i am going thru a divorce… i dont have a baby…
i think it is a natural progression for us…
i believe this is what God ultimately created us to be…
however, when we actually have a baby, then it should be within the context of a family and not for our selfish desires… the baby deserves a full family and that is how God wants it to be… :slight_smile:


#3

It is not sinful to desire a baby. That’s how God made us women!! I remember starting to feel that way long before I found my future husband.


#4

Okay…what if that desire leads you to get married asap instead of waiting…:smiley:


#5

maybe if you´re a nun :smiley:


#6

I don’t think the sin is in desiring a baby. The sin would (possibly) be in insisting upon having a baby when a couple has just/grave/serious reason to avoid for the time being.

I think some women just have that never-ending desire for another baby. I want more, more more more more more. And yet I’m still adjusting to life with just one! My little one is just intoxicating and I can’t get enough. :slight_smile: I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have more (though who really DOES know that for sure anyway), but I think this desire will be with me for…as long as I can forsee. The more I hold Sophie, the more I just want…more!! Like Gianna, I’ve wanted babies since as long as I can remember.

But, for now, I believe it would be sinful for me to deliberately try to get pregnant, knowing what I know about my personal health status right now. I feel like I can ‘want’ all I want, but I need to wait for now.

So, don’t feel like you’re alone, sinful or abnormal in your baby-desiring! :slight_smile:


#7

Haha, that really made me laugh:thumbsup:


#8

Me too! Even though I was a youngest and never saw breast-feeding first hand, I used to try to breast feed my dolls instead of bottle feed them. How weird is that?

I think really desiring to be a mother helped me search harder for a man who would be a good father. For the longest time, when I was single, I would say that I wanted to be a mom. Then, oh yeah, and a wife too. For awhile though I almost did get them backwards. I realized I needed to be a good wife to a good husband before I could be a good mother.

So far I think I did well. But what do I know? I have a husband of less then 5 years and a 2-year-old son. Talk to me in another 20 years, we’ll see how well I think I did then. :smiley:


#9

I think the desire to marry and have a child is God given. :slight_smile: My Mum was (and still is) a very ambitious career focused woman. I know that she was hopeful that I would follow in her footsteps. All I have ever wanted is to be a wife and mother. I think this has kind of disappointed my Mum but I know this is God’s will for my life.

My DH and I actually wish that we had married earlier - we were 23yrs old and 25yrs old respectively on our wedding day - but we met when we were 18yrs and 20yrs old. And we often say that we wished we had started our family straight away - I was 26yrs old when our first baby arrived. It was the moment I had been waiting for all my life. :slight_smile: Family life is the best!

If you are certain that marriage and family are God’s will for you I say why wait?! :smiley:


#10

It is a natural desire, hardwired, in most women and is usually triggered when those around you start marrying and having babies. Cannot think of a scenario in which this desire could be sinful. Related thoughts might be sinful, such as recourse to immoral methods in conceiving or otherwise acquiring a baby, but the desire to become a mother is what women were made for. those who cannot, for whatever reason, struggle to find healthy, satisfactory substitutes for this desire: career, helping profession, caring for children of others etc.

there is by the way a corresponding natural desire in men to be fathers (not just to indulge in sex) which is severely crushed and deformed in our popular culture.


#11

Sounds like a normal, healthy feeling your having. I wish some of my married friends wanted to have children, instead of seeing them as an inconvinience and a burden.


#12

Only if it leads you to do ‘anything’ to get one, such as resorting to in vitro fertilization or other methods that demean the dignity of the person you are trying to create, or demeans the marital act itself.
Other than that, it is a normal part of being a woman. Most all of us feel it at times, some of us more than others. :wink:


#13

I was wondering if this is some batty change of hormones, or if this can become a sinful desire or if it means anything…or if I’m just overanalyzing.

I vote for overanalyzing :thumbsup: I see nothing wrong with this desire, as it doesn’t seem to be sucking the rest of your life dry, including your relationship with God. It sounds…normal. :smiley:


#14

No it’s not, but does that mean it’s sinful not to want a baby? I am curious to know because I don’t have that desire. How do I make myself want children? My husband doesn’t want children because partly of me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack your thread.

Lisa


#15

Wow, you just jump right in with the hard questions, lol. Welcome to the forums:).

There is no simple answer to your situation, other than to say that one of the purposes of sex is to make babies. So one of the purposes of marriage is to have babies.


There are situations where it would not be a good thing to have a baby/be pregnant, but each situation must be prayerfully discerned by the couple.


It would be sinful to not have children for purely selfish purposes (don’t want to give up your free time, think pregnancy will afffect your body etc).


But I am living proof that you do not need to “desire” to have a baby in order to do it. I have always been one of those girls who never saw myself as a mommy. Even after marriage, I never had the urge to have children. Hubby and I started using NFP after my conversion to Catholicism and were in the middle of prayerfully discerning if we should start a family when God gave us the answer:D .


From the moment I thought I may be pregnant, there was this huge desire to see a plus sign on the home pregnancy test. I had no idea I would react like that. I thought I would be scared or indifferent…or worse, resent being pregnant.


So my advice is to really let God into your heart about this matter. You and your hubby need to decide (with Him) if you should be open to the blessings God may have waiting for you.


malia


#16

I would say your post is too short to decide! Motives, reasons, situations, these things all influence the way we think. Why do you feel against having children?

If someone experienced a traumatic event, their fear towards this could be understandable. Or if you feel called to focus on something right now in life, that could make sense.

Also something interesting: I remember my aunt not wanting children for the longest time. After some years of heckling from family members, she went in for a check-up with the intention of trying to conceive and wanting to make sure all was well. The doctors found out she had serious reproductive issues that could have caused her to miscarry.

Anyways, how open are you about your feelings? Have you explored deeply and honestly why you feel that way?


#17

I don’t think it’s sinful to desire a baby. What can be wrong with that??? I also had the same desire as you. Once I married, my husband and I tried for over 4 years to conceive a baby but to no avail. After numerous fertility assessments/treatments and much agony in the adoption process, we were able to adopt a 10 mth old boy. As you can imagine, we suffered for a long time before we finally brought our son home. It was well worth it. It was God’s plan.

Please keep praying and read your Catechism!!!. His will is perfect. Also, please take joy in your suffering. What can be more rewarding than to know that you participate in the cross?!


#18

I just read Lisa’s post. I don’t think it’s sinful to “not desire” to have children. It is a lot of hard work. I now know that having just adopted a 10 mth old boy from Kazakhstan. However, you should note that using artificial birth control is sinful (although you probably already know that). I recommend that you keep praying and start learning Natural Family Planning. The key is to keep praying so that you know that you are in His will. If you pray, you will have peace.


#19

**Lots can be wrong with it. Babies themselves can never be “wrong”, but our desires sure can. **


What if a woman desires a baby to “keep” her man?


** What if a woman desires a baby so that she can raise an Olympic figure skater?**


** What if a woman desires a baby so she can get attention?**


** What if a woman desires a baby so that she can rub in in the face of an infertile relative/aquaintance?**


There are many more ways our desires can be sinful…just some food for thought.


malia


#20

It just has to do with qualifying the statement “I do not desire a baby.” And I think the same is true for “I do desire a baby.”

There can be all kinds of wrong reasons for both desires. But I also think that a married women who doesn’t desire a baby needs to carefully look over her life and found out what that desire means. Simply disliking the thought of parenthood is one thing. But what of other issues? A woman afraid of her husband or not loved by her husband oftentimes will fear pregnancy. A woman with a history of violence in her childhood can even resent or hate children, besides fearing them and what she herself may do. These things are disordered and should be healed in the woman.

Just as a person who dislike veggies is to be understood as having preference, whereas someone who refuses to eat or is eating very badly has an issue that needs to be healed.


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