My situation is that it seems logically impossible for me to believe God exists. I know I can't prove that God does not exist, but I can't find any reason to believe in Him anymore except my desire to believe in Him - but even that may have a natural explanation - it's simply too painful for me to imagine life without God even though I reason that it's next to impossible that He exists.
This thread is not an attempt to find reasons to believe (I'm working on that seperately), but rather to determine what course of action I ought to take.
I have hope that God is real and that living as though He were real (even though in my heart and mind it seems impossible) will bring some satisfaction or peace. But since I cannot believe God is real, the only satisfaction or peace I can gain from living as though He were real is through reasoning that it's somehow better for me and those around me. Actually, I don't even know if it would be better for me b/c I doubt doing things w/out faith can count for much. "show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works". And this is where I'm confused.
So, if I am motivated by hope to do the works of faith, does this mean I actually do have faith? Or is it merely wishful thinking? I don't know if everything I have learned about living a godly life is beneficial b/c it really comes from God or b/c human wisdom has paved a beautiful way for us to walk in. I have faith in "the way" (whether or not it comes from God), but does this mean I have the kind of faith I am supposed to have? Or do I just have hope (that God exists) and so living a "godly" life (whether or not God actually has anything to do with it) is works without faith. I'm thinking of "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags".
Hope that made sense. (no pun intended....)