Honestly, despite being consistent in my daily rosaries, DMs and regular visits to the Blessed Sacrament… I still have these VERY strong, persistent doubts about following Christ. Despite the Weekly confessions, despite everything I do to really try and give him everything and follow him without anymore reservations… Why is it that I always feel as if I were always back to square one again? For instance… I always feel that I am always being ripped off from my life (due to the rules and regulations of the faith). since I see my friends having fun… while I am being more and more ostracized as a fringe.
Sometimes when I pray… it seems like its just lip service to me, as if saying these prayers were just part of the daily routine and the meaning became cliche itself. As if it were just another task I needed to fulfill for the day.
And despite being raised in the faith for 23 years, despite having many “bad adventures” in my life only to be crying and running back to him… why do I still feel this way? I know that I dont even have a right to complain anyway, because I OWE MY LIFE to him and God has saved my life from catastrophes many times… but honestly, I do feel that it isnt just psycological anymore and that these attacks are spirtual in nature. I do feel that there could be a “demon” (knock on wood I hope there isnt though) playing with my mind and feeding me these frequent episodes of doubt. Why do I say this? Because I have been consistent with the rosary and I do believe that if it were psycological, it would have went away by now based on the promises of the rosary.
I really am convinced that this is no longer just my mind playing games with me… or that these are “withdrawal symptoms” from living a life away from Christ to living a life for Christ, especially now that I am upping the ante a bit with my religious life.
Anyway my main question is this… Can one walk up to a priest and recommend himself for an exorcism? Do confessions count as mini-exorcisms? Or do you have to be rigoursly assessed if you have a demon in you? How does the exorcism process work? Are there “levels” of possesion?