[quote="Della, post:7, topic:225564"]
Well, I can see his side of that issue because, as described, mother might merely use the child to get what she wants out of him. The mother didn't sound like a very moral person, but rather as someone out to use another person. It's unfortunate that a child is involved, that's true. But, she decided to keep her child, therefore, legally, the care of the child is hers. I'm not saying it's the high ground for him to have abandoned them, but he probably doesn't want to get involved with this woman again, and I can see his dilemma there.
As to condoning his past behavior by being his friend now, no, that's not what you are doing, Rose. It sounds like he needs a friend. Just be clear what being his friend means to you--that you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him. And even though he's not a Catholic suggesting he talk to a priest couldn't hurt him. After all, the Church is there for all people in need of forgiveness, and that's what he needs--forgiveness and absolution. He could have that in the Church. And I'd encourage him to try to do something to support his illegitimate child. He could set up an account through a lawyer and so have no contact with the mother. For that he should consult an attorney.
I agree with the previous poster that if he has really changed he will step up and see to the child. I'm uncertain what you mean when you say
"But she decided to keep her child, therefore, legally, the care of the child is hers."
But it seems like he abandoned them by taking off back home. Isn't it a good thing she kept the child? Should she have aborted the child? I'm really confused by what you meant here. Maybe I missed something. I don't know.
While setting up an account through a lawyer may be a good idea, I just can't help like feel that there is more to fathering a child than just financial security. It seems like he should want to know the child is safe and cared for and not being abused or living in some unfit conditions.
Perhaps just barging in to his/her life isn't the best idea, but certainly doing some checking to see what is going on with his own flesh and blood is necessary.
Anyways, I just can't help but feel if this leopard has really changed his spots, then you would see it, in how he deals with his own child.