A brief background of myself:
- I am a husband and a father of 3 children.
- I had one marital affair that I broke it off after 4 months relationship with no sexual intercourse.
- I have been struggling to use natural family planning with my wife and many times, due to our unfortunate strong sexual desires, I use condom.
- I don't want to receive communion after using contraception and not until after I go to confession.
- My 2 children were born out of our plan due to the failure of calendar system and now we are getting worried because of the advance age of my wife who still doesn't have menopause yet.
ALL of the more than 10 priests we confess to about us using contraception, advise me and my wife that as long as the preventive contraception is for the happiness of the married couple and strengthening their marital bonds, preventive contraception can be morally OK to be used occasionally and responsibly. We know a lot of catholic couples who have happy active spiritual and church life while practicing contraception in their marriage. The Lord seems to bless their marriage and family.
To prevent second marital affair and to prevent committing adultery in my heart, I was thinking to have more frequent sexual intercourse with my wife as mean to channel my strong sexual desire that often times, are easily aroused when looking at other women who are sexually attractive. I am working on to combat my flirtatiousness nature and while doing so, I need to find the best solution to remedy my situation.
Countless times, I was not excited going to mass because I cannot receive communion and worse, I become lazy in daily prayers because I am not in the state of grace.
The other day when I was in Adoration room, I told this to Jesus:
Lord, I have problem with abstaining from sexual intercourse with my wife during the 3 weeks unsafe period. Sometimes I could manage holding it up until the safe period but many times I fail and when I fail, I cannot receive communion until I confess. I am tired of confessing the same sin to you again and again while so many other people don't even feel guilty about doing the same and they get the right place to channel their sexual desires and even worse, your priests say it is not a sin. Lord, you know why I use contraception and is it OK if I use the contraception and still receive the communion without going to confession?
And the Lord answered almost immediately: "I want you to be good!"
What does the Lord mean when He says: "I want you to be good!"?
Can it be true that the Lord, somehow allow me using preventive contraception rather than having numerous adultery in my heart? In choosing the lesser evil, my wife thinks that the Lord may mean that preventive contraception is OK to prevent adultery in my heart.
I am confused with the true meaning of the Lord's answer: "I want you to be good!" Maybe someone here can get the enlightenment from the Holy Spirit to advise me on what it takes and what to do to be "good" with the concern of preventive contraception vs. committing adultery in my heart?