I’m not exActly how to express this but I’ll do my best. It’s nothing that no one has felt before. I just feel lonesome and distant. Sorry that this may sound like complaining or some rant but I just need, I don’t know, encouragement? Wisdom?
Often times I feel somewhat miserable at night. I have this huge fear of getting disconnected/losing people in my life. I’m not really afraid of much else. Even my future I feel as long as those who are close in my life now stay close going into adulthood I’ll be alright. Know either way I’ll end up fine but knowing is different from the emotions.
I’m not a very talkative person and I only have a handful of close friends. Sometimes I just, well a lot of times, wish I could just see them more often. They all go to different schools and one in a different state. Please don’t say make close friends where I am because that really isn’t very helpful advice for me. I have some good friends where I am, but they just aren’t the same.
I had a friend who I was able to see during the week and we’d go to mass together which was nice and helped a bit. It was enough to be content. He transferred schools this year and won’t be able to anymore. So now I’m stuck almost to where I was two years ago. I felt so distant from them I even tried pushing them away since I hardly saw them anyways. It was horrible and something I hoped I would never have to deal with again.
The school they all go to is a catholic high school that I’ve wondered what would’ve happened if I went there instead. And since my friends transfer it has me thinking of it all the more. I would love to perhaps go there my senior year next year. I feel like emotionally and spiritually I’d do better there. However I’m also not sure I wan to leave the school I’m I. Now. I really like the teachers and classes and schedule. It’s right across the street. Transferring to a different school will mean different planning in my schedule. Not to mention money.
I’m not sure what my point is here, but if someone could just talk to me that’d be nice.