So my girlfriend and I (both 16) are wondering if using our hands to please each other is wrong? We thought maybe it wasn’t since it wasn’t sex. We both love each other and know we are going to get married, and we aren’t doing this for personal gain but for each other out of love. Could somebody explain if this would be wrong or not? and also would Oral sex be wrong? why/or why not?
If you thought it was right you would not even consider asking if it was wrong. It is all wrong. Go speak to a priest in confession for confirmation that it is wrong and stop doing this. It is not love.
Any genital contact outside of marriage is a grave sin. It is not loving to use each other’s bodies in ways that are reserved for marriage, when you are truly committed to one another until death do you part.
I recommend reading the catechism and visiting Chastity.com (a great resource), as well as talking to a priest. And by that I mean a priest who confirms the teachings of the Church and is orthodox, not one of those New Age type priests who tells people to do what they want and there is no such thing as sin.
I would hesitate to tell you that what you’re doing is ‘not loving’ - I don’t know if you love your girlfriend or not - and I don’t think it’s remotely appropriate for anyone to tell you whether you’re doing something out of love or not, only you can know.
But the rules of the Church are clear: sexual activity outside marriage is not allowed as far as the Church is concerned.
Sex is meant to be a ‘unitive’ experience - one that draws the two halves of the couple together into a new whole. For that reason it’s reserved to marriage because you shouldn’t have that drawing together without the commitment that comes with marriage. The reason? Because if you’re not married and not committed to each other, if you split up, the split is harder and more damaging to both of you as a result. It’s much more of a ‘tearing apart’ than a simple parting of ways because you would already have exchanged parts of yourselves with the other. You can never be as free to kindly and compassionately decide that the commitment was not there.
Now of course there’s always a bit of a grey area between where affection stops and sexual activity starts. With all the various things men and women can do together, it requires a bit of ‘prudential judgement’ when you are getting closer to the margins. For now though, I think you’ve gone far enough already, and potentially too far. For both your sakes, if your relationship is not meant to be, go no further for now and concentrate on deepening the spiritual (both personal and religious) bonds between yourselves. That way builds a lasting foundation for the rest of your lives. If you do that, I look forward to the day when perhaps you can come back here and announce your engagement and your marriage knowing that you’ve founded it on a rock that will never give way.
Your young and you made a mistake. we all have done wrong growing up. We all want to do things that we see others doing and want to do the same. The important thing is to stop and not do it again and yes confess it even if you now know its wrong because it will strengthen you.
Of course this is wrong on multiple levels as others have already explained. The easiest thing for you to do now is stay in proximity of others, get involved in Catholic groups, work together for your good. go to Mass together, go to a local charitable organization and volunteer together. If your love is not just sexual attraction, it will keep until you are ready to be united in sacred union through the sacrament of marriage. Hormones are raging at this stage of your lives and clouding your judgement. Steer clear of isolation and temptation for true love for one another. Keep the faith and live it. There will be a great reward if you follow God’s laws, not society’s path to sin and unhappiness. God Bless you for coming to CA to receive support for your journey to true holiness and, if called a bit later, to a rewarding vocation to marriage.
As others have said, it is considered wrong, though I can say that I understand the thought process that lead you to act as you did, as mine was similar. The problem with this though, is that eventually it becomes harder and harder to keep yourself from having sex. As you engage in sexual activities, the line between what is "ok" and what isn't starts to blur until eventually you start trying to justify activities which you previously would have never even considered engaging in. My wife and I were fortunate in that we were able to abstain, but the actions we did engage in made it incredibly difficult.
If you truly love this person, you will do what is right for them and show them you love them by treating their body with the respect is deserves, and abstaining from such practices until you are married. It is difficult, I definitely recognize that, but I speak from experience that it is worth it.