It seems like no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I’m tempted, it feels like I’m in mortal sin all over again. Just having fleeting memories or thoughts (or conjuring them for a split second due to obsession) sends me right back to square one. I can’t keep going on everyday like this, and I’m bound to become lukewarm or lax eventually. Everyday is a struggle and I’m losing it (and my mind).
Please, PLEASE speak to your confessor about this. You should not be losing your mind over trying to avoid sin. Jesus wants to set you free, not keep you in bondage.
Fleeting, uninvited thoughts are not sins but dwelling on them can be, so explain to your confessor how you’re feeling and what’s happening. Make an appointment and read him your exact posts here so he can understand.
I pray you can find someone with wisdom and compassion who can help you deal with these scrupulousities.
Also, are you going to Adoration and sitting with Jesus? Take all these anxieties and talk to Him about them. Let Him carry these burdens for you…cast your cares and worries on Him.
Just a reminder that frequent mortal sin bedevils the best amongst us. I have heard that St Pope John Paul II confessed his sins daily.
Please see a doctor and your confessor. Please do not keep posting this type of thing here as it is not healthy for you.
Mortal sin is voluntary sin. That means it is a personal choice. If you are having automatic thoughts or involuntary fleeting thoughts, and do not choose to dwell on them, it is not voluntary.
The Bible says that the just man fall seven times. Jesus, while he was carrying the cross fell three times. Each time Jesus fell, he got up again.
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