I have been having a lot of bad luck lately. My marriage seems to be under attack these days. For the past 3 years, I have had a very rocky marriage. To make a long story short, I found out my husband went to strip clubs behind my back and most likely got lap dances as well. From what I have learned, these lap dances provided a lot of physical touching and contact.
Back to my original question. Does the devil have the ability to put fear in your mind? For example. I already know my husband went to 3 strip clubs behind my back. I have proof. I have proof that he got one lap dance. I am trying to forgive and move forward, but it has been very difficult for me. The fear of the unknown creates doubt. My husband denied, denied, denied about the 3 strip clubs until I had evidence. Now trust is broken.
I keep getting these thoughts in my mind. For example… If my husband lied about this what else has he lied about? What if he went to 20 strip clubs? What if he had 20 lap dances? He is probably still lying to me. Are these thoughts from the devil? Could the devil be putting these thoughts in my mind to try to make me file for divorce?
We fight all the time. I keep asking him if he has told me the entire truth. He insists he has. I have a feeling that he is still lying. I can’t tell if this feeling is from my gut, or that it is coming from fear.
I know the devil can tempt people to sin. Can the devil sabotage a marriage? Can the devil create obstacles to cause married couples to fight? Can the devil cause married couples to fight?
I am beginning to think that there is a dark element that is trying to break up my marriage by putting fear into my mind which stops me from forgiving my husband and moving forward.
Well the doubts you’re feeling are just human about your husband you have a right to be suspicious. Anyway you guys should bring this up to a priest or a marriage counselor. God is basically right now testing the faithfulness of your marriage. In some ways it should be a blessing, other ways like this where your husband is falling into sin, not so much. Remember to read the bible and pray, don’t forget those two things, god knows you so much better than I do, he will tell you what to do next.
There is a dark element at work here, and it’s your husband. Yes, the devil can influence people and the wicked ones thrive on chaos in a family, but your husband is the problem here. Don’t put all the blame on the devil because that’s a red herring taking your attention away from the true problem. Your instincts are normal. You don’t trust your husband because he has proven himself untrustworthy. Your husband needs to admit he has a problem with lying, for one thing. And going to strip clubs. He might be viewing porn also. You are both going to need counselling if your marriage is to survive.
I don’t think it’s the devil putting thoughts into your head. I would be asking the same questions.
Pray and ask God to expose what he is really doing.
I know it must be difficult but try to rest in God once you have given this issue to Him in prayer. Leave your husband to God. He knows the best way to handle this.
Your husband has been tempted in the weakest area of a man’s life. Pray for him. Ask God to help him resist this temptation. To ask God for forgiveness.
I have had marriage problems that seemed impossible to overcome. But as our Pastor told us, with God nothing is impossible.
If you keep questioning and arguing, it will create a rift between you both that will get worse as you try to resolve this issue that way.
You need good, Godly or sensable counselling. I have been to counsellors who say, end it. Worse advise ever. This is where you both need to work through this issue. Divorce may seem the best course, but reconciliation will strengthen your marriage.
I have been seeing a great psychologist who was instrumental in salvaging our marriage. I don’t know where you live but I will give you his details.
Pray for your husband and speak to him with the love of Christ. Love covers a multitude of sins and will get better results than quarreling. What he has or may still be doing is not something you can tolerate forever but if you deal with this issue with wisdom and love, you have a better chance of recovering and strengthening your marriage.
I thought that the devil can tempt people to do wrong, make them ill, hide things, and put suggestions in their head to make them doubt? Doesn’t the devil want to destroy marriages and families? I feel that the devil knows there is a weak link in our marriage and he is just chipping away at it.
I know my husband committed a sexual sin and lied. I also know that he was looking at porn. What my husband did has broken the trust in our marriage. I can no longer trust him. This is why I doubt him. However, I can’t help feeling that something else is triggering my thoughts and encouraging even more doubt. It is hard to describe. Just when I think that I can forgive my husband for what he has done then wham, out of no where a thought pops in my head. Maybe he went to 20 strip clubs instead of 3? Maybe he cheated on you? Maybe he had more than one lap dance?
We are already seeing a Marriage Christian Counselor. Sometimes I feel like there is an evil force that is making me remember all the pain my husband has caused me so I can’t forgive him.
Lying is a very damaging thing in a relationship. What my husband has done has damaged our marriage. As you can see it has been 3 years and I still can’t forgive.
I am going to try to take your advice and put it in God’s hands and see where it leads me.
Sometimes I think what my husband did is grounds for a divorce, and other times I feel that I will eventually forgive him and move forward.
The entire situation stinks. What my husband did behind my back cut my heart in half. I can’t help but wonder if the devil wants to keep my heart broken.
I agree with the poster that told me to stop asking my husbands the same questions over and over again. It has become an obsession that I can’t break. It stinks not knowing “exactly” what happened. My husband is sticking to his story and my Gut tells me that he is still lying.
Yes, i brought up what my husband did in another thread on this forum. I am still struggling with this. I am beginning to believe that a dark force is stirring the pot even more. I came here for support.
Stop right there, stop worrying so much, the devil isn’t hurting you guys, its just due to the fallen nature of man, a little of it can be the devil but don’t give him so much credit, he is not in control of your life that much. Talk to him calmly about this and say “I am hurt can we talk” don’t incite sympathy in his heart but just let him know you’re truly hurt and you need someone, he is after all your best friend. That is what a marriage is supposed to be.
I stand by what people have said before.
He’s not going to admit to the wrong. He’s not going to tell you what he did or how many times.
Why you want this deeper hurt I’ll never know. It seems you have now gotten comfortable with the pain,
This is not healthy.
If you can’t forgive him, then move on and get therapy to figure out why you feel like this pain will feed you. Pain isn’t revenge. Inflicting extra pain on yourself won’t make him remorseful or bring him back or restore your marriage.
The support you need is a hard look in the mirror and the courage to take control of your emotions. Without him. He’s not going to help you in this. That much is apparent.
See the priest about moving on and your options. Reconciliation is only possible when both parties want it. You can’t force him to want it any more than you can force his to “confess” everything to you.
Get help for this desire to know all the dirty details.
I know I am not in a healthy place right now. I have to start focusing on my health and trying to get better-stronger.
I don’t have the answers. I can only describe to you how I feel. Maybe I am trying to blame the devil for what my husband has done. Maybe I am trying to blame the devil for my obsessive compulsive thoughts about what my husband did or could of done.
I don’t know why I need to know what happened. It drives me crazy that I don’t know exactly what took place or how far my husband went with the stripper. The unknown can be scarier than the known. Fear starts to dwell and grow when you don’t have all the details and you know that person is still lying.
I am a sad soul right now. I need to get stronger and healthier.
Let him know how you feel, let him know you’re hurt. I recommend listening to immaculate heart catholic radio as well, it might help, even though I don’t think you’re listening me. I hope you can take my advice.
You must look online and see what radio station it plays in your area. Than threaten to separate, although I would do it calmly, say when you’re ready to stop yelling and acting like an adult, I will be living with my parents. He will come back just give it time and pray. He needs time to grow up.
Your gut feeling may be right. He has broken trust. Whether he had 1 lap dance or 30, what’s the difference. He has a problem that needs professional help. I thought he had probably looked at porn. Porn is such a trap for men. Men are visual. Porn can become addictive. I would imagine it has messed with his head and that’s why he has tried a lap dance.
You are both victims. The devil knows how to attack him and how to whisper in your ear. Your husband needs God’s help to understand the slippery road he went down, probably from the very first time he looked at porn. He needs God to help him get free of the way it affects his thinking, imagination and desires. These are areas you can pray about.
Porn starts off seemingly harmless but it sparks his imagination and his expectations become unrealistic. He is a victim now because it’s going to take hard work to get back to where he should be. If you can encourage him to read his bible (starting in the New Testament), God can start renewing his mind.
For you to get off this emotional roller coaster, you need to make a decision.
Do you still love your husband?
Do you want to fight for your marriage?
Do you want to support your husband to get free of this problem?
If yes, then make up your mind to work this problem out.
It takes two. So, the first hurdle is for your husband to feel that he can confide in you without the truth of his problem destroying your love for him or your marriage.
That may not be why he is sticking to his story. But until he admits he has done this and how big or little a problem this is, it may be difficult to resolve.
I know it’s a challenge to forgive when he has hurt you so much. If you decide to forgive him, then you have to throw out thoughts that pop into your head. God doesn’t forgive us then say, but how many times did they do that? Forgive then throw out thoughts that are only going to render you powerless to help your husband and save your marriage.
If you don’t want this to destroy your marriage, one of you has to stop attacking. You can only be responsible for your own actions. You can’t control what he does. So decide how you are going to treat him in the face of this problem. The devil does work to destroy but if you resist him, he will flee. His attacks will be limited to your husband. If he can succeed in attacking and defeating you, then he has won.
Love covers a multitude of sins. I remember what I did, when I just wished I had never laid eyes on my husband. I just went through the motions, telling him I loved him, when I really wanted to knock some sense into him. I treated him as I did when I thought he was Mr. Wonderful.
Over time, our relationship improved and he changed too. I started to feel that love for him again; and he started to address the problems that had brought our marriage to the point where we both wanted a divorce.
God was the third cord in our marriage, and as long as at least one of us was doing the right thing, God had something to work with. Divorce is a very rough road to go down. You think it will solve your problems but what we all are supposed to do is try to help the other half of the marriage when they fall prey to some evil. Divorce brings more problems and should be the last resort once you have done all you can to save your marriage.
I thank God for salvaging our marriage. It’s stronger and we have grown closer.
Love him, pray for him to your Heavenly Father; and this is important, pray in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ.
**Here are some specific examples that I am talking about.
I tried to contact my priest this morning to set up an appointment. I googled the Church’s name. Computer crashed. Computer crashed 3 times. It never does this. I finally got his phone number and email. Then the internet went down. It finally went back up. I sent an email. That went ok. Then I tried to call my Priest. My phone wouldn’t let me press the numbers! I had to try 5 times. I would press the numbers and the screen would go dark. The numbers were not registering. After 5 times, I was finally able to make the call. Another example: When I went to see my Catholic Marriage Counselor for the first time, my GPS stopped working. I couldn’t find her office and had to go back home.
Do you see what I mean? Things like this are happening to me a lot lately. They are roadblocks of me getting the help I need. I know I am not crazy. I do feel that there is a dark force trying to destroy my marriage. My husband has destroyed our marriage, but I feel the devil is trying to make sure that it stays destroyed.