Really not likely that all of that is due to outside evil influences.
Much more likely, that it’s just the normal glitches that happen in our age of technology. But because of what has been going on in your marriage, your mind is trying to tie the two together in a case of causation.
Like you said, your husband has already severly damaged your marriage. The devil doesnt need to do anything really. Your husband has already done it thru his free-will.
You’re working yourself up into a state. Don’t fall into the trap of superstition.
Have someone you trust take you to a health professional and tell him everything.
Do this today. Marie has good advice.
After you get yourself in order, get hubs in for sex addiction therapy.
a) in your husband’s mind if he continues going to strip clubs;
b) in your mind so as to weaken you and dishearten your will.
Unfortunately, I’m passing through a similar period. In my case it might be worse because my wife’s mother (a President of the Legion of Mary) is encouraging her to split, notwithstanding that my wife is suffering from depression. So much for my mother-in-law pretending to be the epitome of holiness, even by distributing Holy Communion to sick persons!!
Ha. I wish my husband only go a couple of lap dances!
Not to diminish your pain or hurt in any way. I know it is literally traumatizing to find out that your husband has been unfaithful.
Clearwater, please take my advice and go with your instinct because it is almost always right. And you are correct. Trust is broken. The lies are, to me, even worse than the acts, themselves.
This may not sit well with others, but I have actually subjected my husband to two lie dectector tests over the past five years. It’s not way to have a marriage, having to do this.
I’ll tell you this: if he’s hiding anything and you even mention, “lie detector,” he will start singing like a canary.
And here’s the thing. You can’t make a rational decision if you don’t have the WHOLE truth. Men like this have a tendency to tell things in drips and drops. Little by little. It’s the worst way because you think you know everything, only to find out months, or even years later, that you didn’t. And in the end, you based your decisions on a pack of lies
It’s not fair. And it wastes so much precious time.
I am listening to what you are saying. I really am. I am seeing my Pastor today. I know that I need help (both spiritual & via counseling). I am not denying this. This has gone on far too long and I have been emotionally unhealthy. I realize this. My family is suffering, because I can’t make my mind up. I need to decide if I am going to leave my husband over this or forgive him.
Here is the latest update. I believe my husband has been confessing what he has done on another Christian Forum. The password he has used, the hidden IP addresses, and the email address all provided me with clues that it is in fact him. I questioned him about this post/thread I found and he denied, denied, denied. Later that night, I checked his phone history and saw a login to a yahoo email account. He doesn’t have a yahoo email account, but the author of the post does. How do I know this? The moderator told me what email the author used to register and post what he did. The moderator also told me that the person used Cloud Fire to hide his IP address. What was posted was “exactly” what I thought he has done in the past (going to multiple strip clubs and receiving multiple lap dances). Believe me, if there was a way to trace the email address and IP address to my husband I would. But he is very smart. All ip addresses were hidden using Cloud Fire. The yahoo email address has now been closed. Again no concrete proof. Just evidence pointing to him and my gut feeling.
There is one thing that I know for certain. He regrets getting caught and he has stopped doing these things.
There is another thing that I know… I will never know the complete truth unless I can somehow trace that yahoo email address to him.
That about sums it up. I’m stuck. I don’t have proof. It is very difficult to make a huge decision when you don’t have all the facts. One fact I know is that he is a liar and is still lying to me.
I am going to see what my Pastor tells me to do regarding this mess.
My husband has made me emotionally ill and has broken my heart.
The goal of a lie detector test is not to humiliate or expose one’s failures. It is an attempt to get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Because you cannot make an informed decision without it.
Possibly Clearwater’s husband has just had a couple of lap dances. But possibly also he could be doing a lot more. Thank goodness not everyone has had to deal with PATHOLOGAL liars and bizarre personality disorders and addictions in their marriages (or otherwise).
Lie detectors, on the contrary to what someone said, is not an attempt to “punish” anybody. Indeed, the person who is being lied to is the victim.
In answer to your question, Clearwater, he did pass both tests. But not first before spilling everything in the couples of days before because he knew he’d fail miserably if he didn’t.
Let me just say, had I had the gift of the TRUTH when it SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO ME (instead of lie after lie after lie), my life would be different today. I wouldn’t be jumping through hurdles.
I understand where you are coming from. I feel the same as you do. Not knowing what actually happened is even more traumatizing than knowing what happened. I wish my husband would be truthful with me, but he won’t. I left the house for 1 week. I told him that I would divorce him. Still no confession. Won’t budge.
I understand your thoughts on giving a lie detector test as an ultimatum. I question the accuracy of the lie detector tests.
Does anyone know how I can trace a email address to a person when they use a “fake” name?
I hate feeling this way. It is consuming my entire day. I want peace. I am hoping that my Pastor can help me today.
I hate what my husband has done to me and to our marriage.
Again, I sympathize with you more than you know, but you seem to miss the point of what I and others are saying:
You’re obsessed with getting every sordid detail. Administrators of sites should not be discussing any of this with anyone, btw. So much for confidentiality. :rolleyes:
You want all the facts?
Here they are:
Your husband frequented strip clubs and may have done more. It’s sinful behavior on his part, and disloyal to you, his wife.
What else do you want to know?
I think that’s plenty.
You’re options are two-fold:
Separate until you can forgive,
Forgive now and work to repair the damage.
It’s not all up to you, you know. For there to be reconciliation, he has to be on board. If he IS on board, and you are holding back reconciliation because you want the dirty details…
I don’t know. Seems like building on shaky ground. It won’t work.
I hope and pray that the priest tells you exactly what to do, because I fear you won’t do anything differently from what you have done thus far.
God doesn’t want you to be a doormat…but neither does he expect you to be judge and jury. At the earliest, he should go to confession. He needs that frank talk with a confessor.
You are another matter entirely.
You are viewing this as an outsider; (tracing emails) and as a way to cope.
If you find out the IP address, there will just be something else that you will use to run from the situation. None of this brings peace.
What are the conversations that you are having besides for you making accusations, and him denying? Has he said he loves you? Has he said he wants to make the marriage work? Has he admitted to a sexual addiction of any sort? Have you two gone to therapy together? Marriage counseling?
Instead of asking us for advice, maybe talk to each other. Really talk. Really listen. Really pour your heart out, and allow him to do so as well. It would very well be that he has regrets but fears you will never forgive him. If gets into a state of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair, he’ll run back to those behaviors that mask his pain, and you will be hurt ALL OVER AGAIN.
Time to reboot.
None of this is going to end well without another person in your marriage, Jesus.
It takes 3 to make a marriage, it really does. What have you both done to invite Him in?
Thank you for your continued support. I talked to my Pastor today. He told me that since my husband has stopped going to strip clubs, dumped his friends, stopped looking at porn and has been going to marriage counseling with me, that I should try to forgive him. My Priest told me to start fresh, forgive, and give my husband another chance. My Priest told me if my husband continues to go to strip clubs then I should think about getting a divorce.
I asked my Pastor about the devil. He said that he doesn’t say the word devil. He calls it evil. My Pastor said that it is true, evil can put road blocks and speed bumps to try to destroy your marriage. My Pastor said that it is very possible that evil is trying to break my marriage apart, by making it difficult for me to forgive and allow peace in my heart. I gave him some examples of strange things that have been happening to us. My Pastor believes it could be evil trying to stop us from reconciliation.
I am going to pray to the Holy Spirit to try to forget about the past. I am going to do my hardest to forgive and save my marriage.
My Pastor said that is what Jesus would want me to do.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. Please keep praying for me, my husband, and my family.
It is heading towards the right direction. Listen to your Pastor. I can’t believe your priest even suggested divorce! I have been down that road and believe me, no one wins. The kids especially.
If your husband was having an affair that would be hard to forgive. You are grappling with something different. It is still hard, but it isn’t impossible. When my marriage faltered, we went to a few counsellors. They didn’t help. It’s like trying to find a good doctor. Some are just not up to scratch. Then you find a counsellor who is down to earth. Understands divorce is the most damaging solution and reconciliation is the best outcome for the whole family.
Our Pastor, after hearing our different issues, understood, we had serious problems. He said, “This kind of marriage (blended family) is impossible. But with God, nothing is impossible.”
We struggled on for a couple more years but during that time we had found a good counsellor. He helped us set boundaries so the kids (6 all up) didn’t consume so much of the time we had for each other. Set priorities straight. We were each others priority. And we both created new ground by compromise.
We have benefited so much from the whole experience. The problems actually improved our ability to give to the other and put our love to work in the marriage. You can’t have the sweet without the bitter.
God helped us. We would pray together for our marriage. I prayed for him, though, he had hurt me so much. There is no better spiritual medicine than to pray for someone who has hurt you. Your husband needs prayer for God to help him see that the things he has been looking at and doing (?) are affecting his way of thinking and taking him and his family own the road of destruction. He needs to get his head in the bible. Listen to apologists like Ravi Zacharius who will show him how destructive porn is and help him see things in the light of God’s Word.
You know, when I went thru my marriage problems, I just wanted out. A divorce was so much easier than to stay and work at the marriage. I thought it was all his fault. Why did he betray me like this? Life would be better if I could go back to being on my own. No husband.
I am so, so glad I didn’t divorce him. God showed me what I needed to do. I had to look at my faults not just his. Now, I have a husband who is the love of my life. God changed both of us as he carried us over the cracks that were destroying our marriage.
I know the devil is around but God has your back! When Wigglesworth woke because he sensed an evil presence, he saw Satan at the other end of the room. Wigglesworth said “Oh, it’s only you”. Rolled over and went back to sleep.
I didn’t give the devil a glancing thought. I just concentrated on the things God was showing me. Read my bible. Prayed for my husband. I started calling him by endearing names, like sweetheart, darling. Telling him I loved him. Looking at his good qualities. No one is all bad. The things I first loved about him were still there. Just covered up by my anger, resentment and insistence he should be treating me better.
Eventually, the cycle broke. I had forgiven him and forgotten all the hurt. We don’t talk about it. But we know how God turned it for good.
One last thing. God showed me, if I didn’t forgive my husband, God wouldn’t forgive me. That’s scriptural, so I knew I needed to listen to God and try everything I could to get past my unforgiveness.
Dont give up on your husband. Don’t give up on God. Abide in Him like a branch connected to the vine and He will get you both to a place where you will have a happy marriage and a united family.
We have been agreeing in prayer for you and your husband.