I’ve always felt called to marriage and children, and have wanted all my children–would never use birth control, have wanted to be pregnant for the past 12 years. However, I’m 36 and still single. When, Lord willing, my husband finally arrives, should I pray for only a couple living children and a lot of miscarriages? I can’t possibly have a lot of children now, but I don’t want them to not go to heaven because of whatever caused me to lose all these years of childbearing. I’d MUCH rather suffer the earthly loss of most of my children than have my children suffer the loss of God for all eternity. (n.b., I have always wanted to adopt as well as give birth, but am speaking here of my birth children.) It seems to me that the answer would be no, but I’d be a lot less distressed about waiting, and lose a lot less sleep, if the answer were yes…
Why would you need to have miscarriages?
I’m not sure I understand your concern.
There are no children until they are conceived. That’s when the a body and soul are united, then a person exists, not before.
If I’m not understanding your concern correctly, some further explanation would be helpful.
I’d have to have them because, given that if the children weren’t conceived, they wouldn’t be able to go to heaven, even in the best scenario, say I marry within a year, I do not have enough childbearing years left to carry more than a few children to term. So it seems more loving to conceive them so they can be with God in heaven even if I must suffer the loss of most of them on earth.
I don’t understand the question.
If a child has not been conceived, it is not a child. Are you talking about children that you want to conceive that don’t exist yet?
Or are you talking about the conceived children who die in miscarriage?
But if they are not conceived they arn’t there. They don’t exist.
There is no fetus warehouse somewhere. That’s the most beautiful part of the marital act, and why it’s the most holy act that a human can be involved in next to concentration of the Eucharist. We become co-creators with God! Just as the love between the Father and Son is manifest as the Holy Sprit, the love between husband and wife is manifest as another person as well.
I was speaking of the children I have not been able to conceive for all these years because I am not yet married and do not want to commit sin. Since they don’t exist, should I pray for miscarriages because being conceived and then going straight to heaven is infinitely better than nonexistence…
Alas, not very comforting, but thank you; I’m happy to accept God’s truth.
All will be done in His time, have faith sister.
Your desire for children is good.
You, however, are misunderstanding the nature of humanity. A human can ONLY exist if conception has occured. No conception (or fertilization), no life. You can only pray for a particular soul in existence. It does not make sense to pray for a soul which does not exist.
You may certainly pray for children and that God’s will be done in your life.
And, it does not seem appropriate for a mother’s heart to pray for miscarriage (death) of children who she has not yet even conceived. This idea exhibits a faulty understanding of God’s gifts of fertility, life, and salvation.
It would be infinitely better for you to pray for life rather than death, especially at this time in your own lilfe.
First there are no children if there is no conception. But let’s say there were, though. ** If they didn’t go to heaven where do you think they would go?**
I’d MUCH rather suffer the earthly loss of most of my children than have my children suffer the loss of God for all eternity. (n.b., I have always wanted to adopt as well as give birth, but am speaking here of my birth children.)
I don’t understand this part.
Your question and your answer as best I can tell:
Q: When, Lord willing, my husband finally arrives, should I pray for only a couple living children and a lot of miscarriages?
(Your) A:* It seems to me that the answer would be no, but I’d be a lot less distressed about waiting, and lose a lot less sleep, if the answer were yes…*
Unless you mistated what you think, it appears you think you would lose less sleep if you had many miscarraiges. Which, tells me you don’t know what that’s like. But I’m not going to dwell on that point as I’m not certain if I’m understanding you clearly.
God is all-knowing and all merciful. He knew the path that you would take and I don’t believe he’s going to punish you for not having children (especially outside of marriage) and he definately won’t punish any children for not existing. That really doesn’t make sense.
I’m concerned for you. If I have not misunderstood you, then what you understand about God is unsettling and well, wrong. I would be upset to if I beleived what you seem to. I’m trying to imagine what you would think was happening if you had married 12 years ago and hadn’t conceived due to infertility.
Please sort this out with someone competant. Talk with a priest (if you don’t know where to start, Fr. Vencent Serpa at Catholic Answers could help you).
I take comfort is this verse:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I don’t have children either and I’m 41 and no children. This wasn’t my intension. I’m going to trust God with this. I believe he knows what he’s doing.
:amen: to everything JaneFrances said.
The question was simply whether they’re in heaven or they don’t exist.
I have had very dear friends have miscarriages–very horrible, yes, but better than non-existence; in a (relatively) very short time, we will all be in heaven and be able to meet their babies. My friends who cannot conceive or who are single and older have suffered much more. Although I suppose if a non-Christian had a miscarriage it would be far worse because they would not have the comfort in Christ and heaven that my friends had.
?? I don’t understand where the “God punishing” idea, etc., came from at all. I trust God for my (and my family’s) future and know he’s delayed my marrying for wonderful reaons (even though it is enormous suffering). I just want my kids to go to heaven!! (infinitely better than not existing!) & if that means I have to suffer, so be it. I’d lose less sleep if unconceived children did exist because then I’d know they were in heaven and secure no matter what happens here on earth. Since they don’t exist, I guess it’s just my calling to suffer that too! Like the other responder said (I’d look up you name, but I’m new at this and afraid the post won’t save–sorry), in His time.
Ohhhh, thanks so much!! You would think the praying for death = BAD would be obvious. So I should pray for marriage, and then once God blesses in that way, simply pray for CONCEPTION. One question, though: you’re saying one should never pray for one’s future children, since they don’t yet exist?
To clarify, I was responding to you point about praying for the the death of children who do not yet exist.
If you place your desire for children in the hands of God and pray that His will be done, you may certainly pray for any “future children” in the same way that you may pray for posterity in general. You may certainly echo Sacred Scriptures and pray that all generations (including those which may come from you) would come to know and serve the Lord. My particular concern is that you would think it appropriate to pray for the death of your own children even before they are in existence.
To be clear, you may certainly pray asking God to send you children. You may pray that these children would live to know, love, and serve Him. And you may also pray that His will be done in the lives of any children he sends you.
It is not appropriate for a mother’s heart to pray for the loss and death of children she has not even concieved. This is an odd notion.
Also, your idea that it would be best to pray for “a couple of living children and lot of miscarriages” is not in concert with the desire of a mother’s heart which should primarily be concerned for the life of her children. In His time and according to His will, each new life he creates is purposeful and the role of a mother is always towards the nurturing of life.
If your life at this time is preparing you for motherhood, do not dwell on how many souls God may send you to mother. Do not consider how many of those souls should die an early death through miscarriage. Instead pray that His will be done. And live today using the maternal gifts that you may have at the service of others.
All women are called to mother. All women are called to nuture life. Pray that your motherhood is realized today.