Can unmarried couple become chaste after being sexually active?


#1

A few friends and I were debating this today, so it got me thinking. One friend's daughter has been sexually active with her boyfriend but is now trying to be chaste within the relationship. The friend said her daughter and the young man have dated for the last nine months or so. They have discussed marrying in the future.

I don't think this is impossible (as nothing is with God) but will be very difficult. I think it will require FAR more discipline to stay out of temptation now than if they'd never been intimate. They also will need to have an equal devotion to God and chastity itself for it to possibly work. Other friends disagreed and said it was a recipe for disaster; that if the couple isn't within marrying age (they are legally as they are 18, but it's hardly practical) they should separate.

Opinions? Anyone here who was able to maintain a successful, chaste relationship after having sex?


#2

If both people in the couple are committed to it and put God first then yes. However the problem in my marriage was that when my husband and I did this prior to the marriage I thought he was committed and instead he found other women which he continued to do throughout the marriage. Now it is over. It is not this case every time - it is just something that needs to be done with discernment - I don’t mean stopping the sin - I mean continuing a relationship that already has become sinful with new boundaries.


#3

I never had sex before I was married so I can’t say how it is with sexual relations, but hubby and I bushed boundaries a lot when we were engaged sad. If sex is anything like that, and I am sure it is and so much more, it’s almost impossible to stop. You have to go even more out of your way to avoid the temptation, but it IS POSSIBLE. All things are possible in Christ, and if she and this young man are committed to chastity, they can do it. There is no reason to break up over it, although physical distance for a little while can certainly help. I don’t mean not seeing each other, but avoid long hugs and even pecks on the cheek until they can reign it back in. Hubby and I had to do that, and even now have to do it in our marriage when it’s that magical time to…ah…“refrain” Kissing isn’t enough to get one pregnant, but we know ourselves well enough to know that if we start with that, it won’t end with just that…:o


#4

[quote="Irish_Girl_68, post:1, topic:232590"]
A few friends and I were debating this today, so it got me thinking. One friend's daughter has been sexually active with her boyfriend but is now trying to be chaste within the relationship. The friend said her daughter and the young man have dated for the last nine months or so. They have discussed marrying in the future.

I don't think this is impossible (as nothing is with God) but will be very difficult. I think it will require FAR more discipline to stay out of temptation now than if they'd never been intimate. They also will need to have an equal devotion to God and chastity itself for it to possibly work. Other friends disagreed and said it was a recipe for disaster; that if the couple isn't within marrying age (they are legally as they are 18, but it's hardly practical) they should separate.

Opinions? Anyone here who was able to maintain a successful, chaste relationship after having sex?

[/quote]

I think they would both have to be of the same mind, and to have a plan for how they would avoid temptation, not just "We're going to stop doing it." Such as, "We will no longer be in each other's company alone," and, "We won't touch each other in flirtatious/sexual ways." I mean, to the point of having almost a legal contract that both will respect. And, it wouldn't hurt to have friends to keep accountable with.

It's possible but it wouldn't be easy to do, since they would already have that special knowledge of each other's bodies that they should not have.


#5

It is possible, Chris Padgett and his wife Linda did it. If you want you can read their book "Not Ready for Marriage, Not Ready for Sex".

They met at the end of high school, started dating and then having sex, they stopped in college, chose chastity. They are now married.


#6

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