Can we control premarital sex or masturbation

I was discussing this topic with some people in this forum and some people in my life. Some people say premarital sex and masturbation are natural.

I have several questions:

  1. Can we control ourselves over premarital sex and masturbation(if we are not sickly addicted or chemically addict)? In other words, are we able to give full consent towards these two issues?

  2. Should we try ourselves to quit these two sinful desire and habit?

  3. How many people actually succeed in controlling their desire to premarital sex and keep chaste until marriage?

I have lots of questions towards this religion. Thank you for answering.

Whether you are religious or not, who controls you as to these two issues? Is it someone other than you?

Sin is to be avoided always but the person must be willing to be humble and ask for God’s help and for His forgiveness when you fail.

Self-control is always a worthwhile goal.

Peace,
Ed

  1. Yes. Temperance.

  2. Yes. For they offend the Lord.

  3. How many saints are there who’ve lived chaste lives? How many consecrated men and women are there who keep to their vows? And how about the Holy Family?

Well it’s possible but not easily done, I think for most men they don’t acquire the type of maturity to combat these things until older. I don’t know the answer to this question but I do know we should try.

Premarital Sex and Masturbation are only natural from a disordered perspective. That is, since the fall of Adam and Eve, our sexual desires have been disordered and out of sync with God’s intended purpose for these desires. John Paul II went into great detail about this in his Theology of the Body (Gospel of Life). Essentially, the sexual act was intended to be an act of total self giving rather than “needing to act on an urge”. Even St. Paul encourgaged us to exercise self control and to not be slaves to our flesh. Sex makes a wonderful servant, but if you make it your master, it is insatiably terrible.

Yes, we should try to quit this sinful acts as they are mortal sins which are nothing short of a denial of our Divine sonship. The physical pleasures are fleeting and the damage it does to our soul is mortal.

Trying to quit by our own will power is often insufficient so we must rely on the grace of the Sacraments (especially the Eucharist) in order to bring a more Godly order to our disordered desires. Self denial is not enough - you must reorient your desires in order to be successful.

In today’s society, not many remain chaste until marriage, but I have personally known several people who have (one of whom was in his 40’s when he got married).

Despite what society says, a chaste life is possible and very honorable.

CSJ

I think most people if they are true to themselves would admit that after they commit these sins would have a guilty conscience,i believe this is the “natural law” of god working on us!

Great questions!
Pre-Marital sex is extremely natural in my opinion. Sex with attractive and mysterious strangers can even be a very powerful natural desire. Masturbation is too, albeit somewhat less natural than unmarried sex might be. Pornography, Gambling, Greed, Theft, Overeating, Lazieness and even bullying are perfectly natural human behaviors and they can be a lot of fun for those who are living for the pleasures of this world.

These behavior are natural to our fallen human nature. It’s called “concupisence”. This is a sickness that came from Adam and Eve’s Original sin. We are called by Christ to overcome it and live in obedience to the will of God. If we are to become holy and acceptable to God, we must learn to despise sin and all of it’s pleasures so we can live a clean life.

With the grace of God you can and SHOULD overcome these sinful habits. My best guess is that a vast majority of people do not live in perfect accordance with God’s will but we must do our best! Prayer, frequent confession and a deep longing for God’s grace should become your constant companions!

:cool:

Yep. Never met anyone of any religion (or lack thereof) that did not feel guilty first of all about masturbation. Regarding premarital sex, I’ve only met people who felt guilty or people who felt the constant need to explain/justify themselves, or alternately to hide the behavior. (Often a symptom of inner guilt.)

Just an observation. I found that, in my life, I did not become involved in any of these activities without there first being another, intermediary, element; specifically the introduction of thoughts or rationalizations which served to convince me that I should participate. These thoughts actually came, not from normal desire, which was also present, but rather from jealousy, the fear of missing out on something, the desire to fit in, or even the desire for knowledge. In other words, the activity didn’t proceed immediately and naturally from innate desire but first had to be rationalized, justified, etc. Such considerations weren’t necessary in deciding, say, whether or not it was alright to eat something to relieve hunger, but they were an indispensable part of opening the door to sex. And, depending on the environment we’re raised in, that consideration may get resolved quickly or may even be virtually already decided (if, for example, everyone around us condones promiscuity), or it may involve more struggle. In any case, the world is always coming up with new “laws” for us to follow but God’s law, from the creator of our natures, is different:

“This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.” Hebrews 10:16 (from Jer. 31:33)

This is an act of grace-a promise of the New Covenant-and fallen man is pretty lawless or open to alternative “laws” without it.

The short answer to your question IOW is that people don’t need a lot of things, including premarital sex or masturbation, until they decide they need them.

When you were a baby you explored your body. After you had figured out how you were arranged, you had other things to do. Compulsive masturbation in childhood is rare enough to be listed as a symptom of psychological distress.
You give up masturbating the way you give up any other habit – practice not doing it until it stops seeming natural. That ought to take a couple of weeks.
Fornication is not natural. In human experience, when two people are attracted to each other, they feel a little shy and scared. After all, choosing a mate is a big decision. They discuss it with their parents and within a couple of years they are married. That’s the norm; there are deviations from that norm in both directions.

lust probably cannot be overriden by our will alone, only by God’s grace. Therefore it is our duty to pray for the grace when tempted and cooperate with it.

We definitely have the power to control our urges. The question is: Do people really want the control of these urges?

For the sake of health and Time, we probably should quit the desires-- not as sins, but as wastes of Time.

I can’t really tell you how many people succeed in controlling these desires because so many of my classmates (except me, thank God!) are not virgins, but I can tell you that there are young adult virgins out there. They’re just really hard to find.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

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