Can you help me


#1

I found out about four weeks ago that my husband of almost 35 years was having a emotioal affair,drinking and gambling.He says that he still loves me and that its all over. He has always had a hard time showing emotion and so far has shown very little remorse. We are going to counsling but I feel that im the only one trying because he wont show emotion. How do I get to the point of forgiving and start trusting again?


#2

Cindy, I am very sorry about your situation... I can't be of much help, but I do want to encourage you to pray and spend time with Jesus in adoration. You are in need of His love and comfort, and that will give you strength to move forward with your husband. Also, I have been amazed at the power of prayer for one's spouse, when it is difficult to get to the spouse directly through talking or whatever. You want your husband to show more emotion; so ask God to help your husband do that. Also ask God to help you see past your husband's exterior better and to really see who he is inside. I have found when I asked God in the past to help me truly see my husband better, I would realize all sorts of things that helped me draw closer to him, and vice versa.

I wish you all the best, and will be praying for you and your husband.


#3

[quote="cindy_reitmeier, post:1, topic:251299"]
I found out about four weeks ago that my husband of almost 35 years was having a emotioal affair,drinking and gambling.He says that he still loves me and that its all over. He has always had a hard time showing emotion and so far has shown very little remorse. We are going to counsling but I feel that im the only one trying because he wont show emotion. How do I get to the point of forgiving and start trusting again?

[/quote]

It is hard for men to show emotion. Let the counselor do his or her job and help your husband to get in touch with his emotions. Usually people who act out by drinking, gambling, adultery, etc. are trying to stuff or stamp out their feelings, to drown them, so they don't have to feel the pain. Has your husband been sober for a long time and just gone out again? Or is this completely new behavior? And are you sure it was just an emotional affair?

So he says he still loves you and what he has done is all over...yet you also say he doesn't show remorse. How can you forgive and trust someone who doesn't believe or acknowledge the damage he has done? I don't know if it's possible. Maybe it is, but for me, I would have to be quite far down the road and away from the person to be able to accomplish that. But I am not that great a person anyway, lots of forum members are tons more saintly than I am.


#4

Give counseling time. Make sure you spend a lot of time in prayer - preferably together. Also remember that men show emotion differently than we do - granted none of these are excuses just food for thought.


closed #5

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