Little background here:
My fiancee was in a private catholic university paid for completely by his parents. All expenses paid came with a different price tag: he was not allowed to work, plan social functions, or choose his degree. They chose the major he would do and said this is it.
He had a 4.0 the first two semesters; the second year he failed both semesters and became rather depressed about everything. His parents and sister both refused to get his sister licensed to drive a car. The reason for this is still unknown. (She will be 20 in november). So he would actually miss his class every day to drive her to school, then miss his other class to drive her home.
He would also get called out of class to drive his siblings around to dance class, run errands such as grocery shopping or filling the tank and even coming home to cook dinner. I thought it was all really strange, as they were horribly angry to find out he failed. ???
Anyways, this summer he decided to stop taking the courses his parents demanded. He has had a lifelong dream and decided to pursue it even though his chances were pretty sorely used up due to the bad GPA. He told them of his decision to change majors and they cancelled all the loans and took the car away. So he got a job, a car, a place to live, etc and enrolled in a public college.
His plan is to take 2 semesters there with no debt, get an excellent GPA then transfer to a tier 1 school here for med school. The school has shown interest in him previously, but his parents refused to send him there as it was not Catholic.
Now anytime either he or I have contact with his family, they become a bit fanatical, screaming, threatening, etc, about how he is throwing his life away and it is all my fault. They warn him that he will be useless and poor, that he will fail school and never be a doctor, that I am dragging him down… on and on and on.
If I am in contact with them separately, they start talking to me about how I need to reconsider my enagement with him, as he will be a poor provider and never finish school, and that the public college will put a mark on him.
Honestly, I am proud of the way he has been charitable and reasonable. He has been through a ton of stress and is still coming out independent, gentle and financially stable. If anything, I feel that he has actually proved to be marriage material. What I like even more is that he did all of this on his own. I did not tell him what to do or help him do it, other than driving him to work for the week he had no car.
My worry is that I am disrespecting his parents, or that he is. Or that there is a better way to diffuse this situation. I do understand that their behavior is wrong. But two wrongs don’t make a right. What do you think?