Hi everyone. I am looking for an argument against premarital sex that does not reference verses from the Bible speaking of fornication. Can you help me out?
Marriage is the public declaration of the intent to stay together, take care of each other, and take care of each other’s existing and future children and other close family members. Sex is a biological act that is the first step in the reproductive process. When the sexual brain circuitry is activated, hormonal changes happen that actually alter the body chemistry and possibly the brain itself to make both partners better parents. For example, it alters the male chemistry to increase prostaglandins and decrease testosterone. It releases oxytocin, the hormone that bonds people, especially bonding them to whomever is cute and increasing nurturing behavior. Therefore, as people are haing sex, they are becoming a parenting-type partnership hormonally together, and meanwhile might have just unsuspectingly actually become parents together. It is fitting and whole if they are also bonded by agreement to help each other as co-parents. It is alienating and disjointed if they are really just having fun, using each other to fulfill two possibly totally different fantasies, to part when they argue or grow weary of each other. It’s a disconnected, unfinished, interrupted adaptation that isn’t good for them and hurts their possible children and everyone in their lives in rippling-out degrees.
That’s hard to do. The idea that premartial sex is wrong comes from religious teachings. Outisde of religion, the secular world doesn’t have a problem with premartial sex, so you won’t find much of an argument outside religion.
I’m sure that you could find good reasons why premartial sex is wrong in non-Christian books. But I’m not sure if that’s what you are looking for?
Any Christian book that discusses marriage is going to reference The Bible, I can almost guarantee it.
You can use the Bible if you want to in your argument but please do not quote verses that quote fornication. Try quoting other verses. Also, quoting tradition is another option.
The bible cannot be discounted. The bible is the inspired word of God. It can’t be divorced from a discussion about the sins against the sixth Commandment. God made us. God gave us eternal souls and an eternal destiny. God is our judge when we die. We cannot put aside, or ignore, His word.
However, another source, the Catechism of the Catholic Church
2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children.
I know this Trishie but I am asking this question because some people have said that the Greek word “porneia” is mistranslated as fornication. That is why I am asking for help with defining premarital sex as sinful without using those verses.
I can give you lots of reasons:
When I give myself to another I want to know for certain they will always be there. I don’t want to wake up the morning after and find them gone and feel used. I don’t want to be fearful that after giving myself they will find another. I don’t just want a series of relationships (serial monogamy). I want to love and be loved, for as long as we both shall live.
People value those things more that they have to strive to attain. When things come easy, people tend to give them less value. I want to be cherished and I want to cherish my beloved. I believe that’s worth striving for.
If I know that in spite of all temptation my husband and I kept strong, kept our hearts and eyes on the goal and waited until after marriage then I have every good reason to know that we will not give in to temptation with others (adultery) throughout marriage. I know we have the maturity and control needed to continue to be faithful to one another. In contrast, if we could not control our passions prior to marriage, then what is to make either of us trust the other to control the passions with temptations that come our way? This leads to a lack of trust in the marriage.
Couples who wait until after marriage have almost 100% chance their marriage will last forever. Couples who don’t wait increase their chances of divorce.
A person’s ability to be intimate is lost with multiple partners. The illustration I’ve heard is that it’s like a bandaid. The first time you put the bandaid on (premarital sex) and then remove it (breaking up) - it hurts. If you apply that bandaid again then remove it - it still hurts but not as much. Eventually the bandaid will lose all it’s ability to adhere to the skin and it will mean nothing to remove it.
Try reading Pure Love Club’s site.
Look at all the people who suffer from AIDs and STDs in this world. That’s a very “earthly” reason and certainly very real reason as to why it’s wrong
But more importantly, it objectifies both the man and woman, there is no commitment or love being expressed between them, and should a situation where another person is conceived result from that sexual meeting, it is either A). most likely to be killed or B). most likely to be abandoned.
How would you feel if your parents who are not really your biological parents revealed to you one day that you were an abandoned child by a couple who met at a club and decided to have a night of pleasure, the result was you, you were not loved, wanted, or intended and they simply left you as an infant in a dumpster who was accidentally discovered there by the loving family that took you in. That kind of thing is life-changing, it can damage a person mentally even if there life experience was pleasant with their non-biological family. Don’t think so? I suggest you read some of the notorious serial killer, Ted Bundy’s life, and his situation wasn’t even that dramatic.
It also can damage the people who are having premarital sex mentally as well. Addiction is a mental disorder and feeding your sexual compulsions at every instance will most likely lead you into addiction and shortly after that, you may even spiral down further into other devious acts since after a period of getting what you want all the time becomes boring and ‘normal’.
Any one of those reasons will suffice as they are all very seious. The problem with society denying this and normalizing it is simply because we live in a society that is all about instant gratification.
If you completely remove morality and any religious arguments and just use common sense to address this question, I believe that sex without commitment would be still be wrong. We humans as well as a few other animal species require several years of nurturing to develop correctly. It seems that it turns out that humans do best with an intact family. A male father and a female mother. Sure you can have sex without the commitment of marriage with the guy skipping out, as so many do today, and the mom trying to do everything. It just isn’t hardly ever right for the kids and so I can see that premarital sex should be considered wrong.
Now for the moral reason… God’s plan for humanity was to go forth (as husband and wife) and renew the earth.
That was St. Thomas Aquinas’s argument in Summa Theologica. Probably the most convincing.
Why would a woman want to form a managomous pair bond with some one to whom she is not married?
Look at the divorce statistics on Natural Family Planning.
When you wait for sex, it shows love of the other person that transcends lust (physical desire), it shows respect for the other person - that you want to make a legal commitment to have sex with them and only them for the rest of your life, it shows respect for yourself - that you honor and safeguard your own body and emotions, feelings enough to keep them protected from a disordered emotional attachment that is not legally binding but naturally results with sex, it exhibits self-control (necessary for succeeding in other areas of life such as work, romantic relationships, friendships, and relationship with God)
Divorce statistics (to the best of my imperfect knowledge) for people practicing Natural Family Planning are .2 versus whatever the current number is in general - 50%, maybe? See here: physiciansforlife.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=193
Some argue that the reason why the West is more developed than the other nations on this Earth is because of a unique Judeo-Christian heritage that placed restrictions on sex. See: Judaism’s Sexual Revolution: Why Judaism Rejected Homosexuality catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0003.html
Maybe another nation that respects moral laws will take the place of the West in the world if we lose our Judeo-Christian traditions.
Because the new life you could possibly create will appreciate having parents committted to each other in marriage.
If there are all these benefits to waiting until after marriage to have sex, what about those of us who didn’t wait? Are we doomed to suffer the consequences such as a reduced possibility of our marriage surviving even if we are repentant? :shrug:
That said, I definitely believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I think that the Bible is unequivocally clear about the issue. And Sacred Tradition probably is also clear about it.
not only is premarital sex wrong but birth control is wrong to. When you have sex you lose your self respect for your body. Your body is a temple, by having sex you make it unholy and the Spriy if God leaves. Don’t question the Catholic Church and dONT QUESTION GOD.
Pre-marital sex is wrong because it keeps you from having a supernatural relationship of grace with God. Living a life of pre-marital sex is living on a *purely natural level *like animals do devoid of supernatural communion with our Creator. In order to have the supernatural life of grace operant in your soul, you must lead a chaste life and be in right relationship with the Lord. Therefore, try your best to keep his commands as prescribed by his Church.
Lord is the highest. We must do whatever He wants without quetioning Him, even if we see no reason, we must still follow God’s laws.
Imagine a world where no one had sex outside of marriage. Imagine the freedom. If a spouse was found in bed with someone of the opposite gender there would still be no thought let alone accusation of adultery.
A person who had sex before marriage will be a spouse who can possibly have sex outside of marriage.
Great Question! If God lays down a law, it’s meant to protect a good. So what needs protecting here?
When we have sex, we form powerful emotional bonds. That isn’t an accident. That’s by design. It clouds our vision, making us more tolerant of flaws in the other. That’s by design. We crave the other more and more. That too is by design. Those are the bonds that we forge in the furnace of marriage.
Those same bonds form between sexually active dating couples, and it is agony when that first person we’ve been with ultimately rejects us. When those bonds are broken, they tear our souls.
With every successive partner, one trains the psyche not to allow the formation of the bonds. It’s a protective mechanism. That means we dissociate intimacy from orgasm.
Now the person gets married. For many, having manually separated intimacy from sex., they find themselves in trouble.
I’ve been married for sixteen years. Along the way we have had three children, one with autism. I can say from an insiders perspective of one who loves his wife completely that we need every bit of spiritual and emotional bonding we can obtain. Life is hard, and often cruel. If we didn’t know how to do intimacy, we’d be in big trouble.
The reasons for saving sex for a relationship of the highest commitment goes beyond religious principles. God designed the world to work a certain way, and his laws as laid down in scripture show that. Sexis the ultimate intimate act, and should be saved for a relationship of the ultimate commitment.
We can blow past the unintended pregnancy that could occur, as well as STDs since those are the first in mind and move to more personal issues.
When one gives themselves to someone so completely, there is always a feeling of uneasiness. You find yourself asking “Did I do the right thing? Do they really love me? Do they still respect me?” the answer in the case of marriage is an already resounding “yes!” There are no insecurities. You already know this person has wholly given their heart to you with no reservations, and has now done so with their body and soul. To have sex in any less commitment than marriage leave hurt and doubt in the minds of both people, whether they are conscious of it or not.
Our minds and bodies and meant to work in a certain way. God created sex for marriage. To have sex outside of marriage is violating that and causes not only physical harm, but massive emotional and psychological harm. People start to no longer trust one another, there is nothing sacred left for marriage.