Can't run away to Catholic community

Hey here’s
my last thread: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=990334

I don’t think much has changed for me since then.
I’m kind of drunk right now. And I get kind of reflective when I’ve drank a bit. So I might as well post here (y ah, if only it took my mind off it. Anyways… It really doesn’t happen that often…

Look… I just really envy the saints who ran away to monasteries. If I’m called to religious life, then who cares how I get there? Does it matter? I’m supposed to get a job at like a supermarket or somewhere to pay my lease for the next 6 months. I don’t want to. But I guess I moons of need to.(plz pray I get a job this month).
But, srsly, the very maximum of working a job is until July of this month for me.
I just want to run away to a monastery. I think I would thrive on religious life, or in a lay community. Does it prove anything for me to work a job like at Walmart just to pay rent?

I’m saying, I’m called to something different, a different path of life. What does it matter my ability to follow the society? To work a job and pay bills?

I’m gay. I don’t want to be alone and miserable. I just want t experience CatHolic community somewhere. Why can’t it be now, why do I hav to wait?

Chesterton and others in the Chirch spoke of ‘wage slavery’. I hate the world. I just want t serve the Church. I just want to be in A Catholic community somewhere.
Does Gos just want me to suffer?
Why can’t I follow the saints who ran to monasteries?
I really want to d that instead of just get a worthless job to pay the rent for 6 months.
This is the only thing holding me back. $525 monthly rent plus like $150 in utilities for 6 months. Can’t the Church pay that? Can’t insult serve like a year or 2 in prison for that?

I just want to do what I want to do.
Doesn’t God implant desires in our hearts?
I hav no desire to work a job like most ppl bc I will hav no family,

Can’t the Catholic Chirch just pay off my debts and send me to a community somewhere for the rest of my life?

I’m obviously very frustrated. I srsly hav no reason to live, no motivation, no hopes, no dreams, beyond living in Catholic community. I want to do that now. Plz pray for me.

I’m suffering great. I can’t fathom the loneliness for much longer. I want community. But hav a bloody lease to the world. ?again, srsly, if there were a a way out I would take it (i.e.; prison time) I just want to serve the Church
So many of the saints did and ran away to monasteries.
Why can’t I do thos?
The Chirch can pay for the rest ofmy lease…

God get me out of this plz.
I just want to serve ur Chuch . Let it Will be doneZ

God free me. God get me to where I long to be.

Hi ssa fellow. :wave:

I looked at your other thread and right now you are in a pretty black place.

The good news is, things do get better. :slight_smile:

Right now you can’t see that. People are depressed can’t see a way out because they are depressed. When people are as low as you seem right now they cannot see that. This is because depression is an illness. Depression affects cognitive functioning that enables us to problem solve, but you will not always feel like this.What you are going through now is a snapshot in your life.You will come out the other side and know depression does not last forever. This will enable you to ride the tide if a low mood hits again at. You will emerge from this period in your life a stronger and more compassionate person and able to help others.

As said, depression affects our ability to problem solve. Before you can address the issues in your life you need to address the depression to create a platform to enable you to problem solve. Live day to day. Take each day as it comes. How to do that is prioritize.

To prioritize think, ‘What do I have to do right now?’ The ‘right now’ may simply be getting up in the morning. If you do that, give yourself a big pat on the back because you have achieved it.

Get a shower, get dressed. I always feel better when I do my hair and put on nice clothed even if I am not going anywhere. I you do this, give yourself another pat on the back. These things may seem like small achievements but for you they are huge. See it that way.

Feed yourself. You will not recover from depression if you don’t eat properly. I would guess you don’t feel much like cooking so eat fruit and healthy snacks, but allow yourself a nice treat because you deserve it. :thumbsup:

Get out of the house. It may be a short walk around the block - but you got out. You say you don’t have any friends? Go to a local shop with friendly staff. This short interchange will assist with social confidence. People who are depressed lack social confidence.

Alcohol is a depressant so that will affect your mood. I’m Irish so I have a somewhat casual attitude to alcohol and think everyone is entitled to a blow out every now and again. :wink: But be aware it will affect your mood.

Get a pet. My dogs were my best friends and I could take them for a walk. I’ve had dogs all my life but lost my best friends last year. :frowning:
I’m not ready for another dog but I now have two adorable guinea pigs who squeak for their lettuce.:smiley:

This my friend is enough for you to be going on with. When your mood starts to lift, you will be able to take on more. In the meantime, allow yourself to be depressed. Allowing yourself to be depressed means accepting you are depressed and not judging yourself for it, but don’t let it dominate. Follow the advice others have given you and seek medical help.

Several years ago I was in a pretty bad place. Someone in a pub told me it won’t last forever. He was right, and I have never forgotten his words to this day. At that time I was more fortunate than you as I had no financial issues, but I lost my job of 18 years that was my life as a consequence of ill health caused by a horrible boss and leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was in and out of a psychiatric hospital for three years and separated from my husband. I spent my days looking out of the window.

I now have two wonderful sons, graduated from university last year with a Law degree. I can’t get a job and work casual hours as a waitress for an income, but in a lovely setting - it’s folk museum - with great people and I am currently in the process of setting up my own business assisting self litigants.

My friend, we are all called to something different but spend most of our time working to pay bills.:rolleyes:

I know that’s not much consolation to you as right now you can only see inwards which is not your fault. Suffice to say you are not alone.

I’m not surprised you don’t want to work in a Supermarket, but I would guess you may not be up to any work at the moment. You need to address the low mood before you can even think about that. That said, I live in UK that has a generous welfare system.

Running away to a monastery may seem like the answer, but it is not. Monasteries are not there to enable people to avoid problems, and when we run away we just take what’s bothering us with us. If you want to enter a monastery do so because you want to live that life, not because you want to escape from the life you are currently living. There are times when we don’t have the capacity to deal our problems. Our faith empowers us to face life’s challenges, not run away from them or hand them over to someone else when the going gets rough. Many times I have felt God/Church should do this or that to help me. In hindsight I realized I had options and there were solutions. I just didn’t see it at them time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. :rolleyes:

Be cautious about making decisions regarding your future when you are not in frame of mind to make decisions. Your low mood is the priority and this is the impediment to progress. When that mood starts to lift you be better placed to make decisions.

People who are admitted to psychiatric hospitals often relapse when discharged. The reason is when they are in hospital they don’t have to deal with any of the problems that put them their in the first place. They are looked after by nursing staff, meals are provided, they have no bills to pay and they can focus on getting well and nothing but getting well. When they are discharged they do, and if there is no support which a lot of people today don’t have they can’t cope and wind up back in hospital again.

No my friend the Church cannot pay it. To do so would not help you as it would just be a short term fix, and one they would be obliged to do for everyone if they did it for you.

The last thing I would say to you is do not fear being alone or being lonely. It is horrible I know, but those who cope with being alone or loneliness best are those who accept that at that point in their life they are alone/lonely, but see it as temporary. You cannot immediately change your circumstances but will find it easier to make connections with others if you are happy in your own skin and like your own company.

Good Luck. :shamrock:

Acts 18:2 - St Paul was called to be an Apostle but still worked at his humble dayjob as a tent maker to pay the bills. We gotta do.what wd gotta do. Work in that supermarket and look.on each customer as Christ so as to serve them to the best of your ability.

There may be charities that can help you not so much with paying debts but with paying ongoing bills for essentials or paying for essential purchases for people in your situation. Are you on disability benefits? If not, you probably should look into it. You may not be able to work right now anyway.

You may need to make some changes first, but if joining a religious community is your ambition you can work towards it. Start by developing your spiritual life. Go to daily Mass. That will get you out of the house and give you something to look forward to each day. Go to adoration, Rosary groups, Bible study, get involved in some ministry in the church. You may not be able to run away to a monastic community right now, but you can spend an awful lot of time in church away from the world if you really want to.

Monasteries aren’t places for running away to. If you don’t like working at some meaningless job just to pay the rent, how will you like being assigned to kitchen or cleanup duty in a monastery and work for no pay at all? Monks don’t sit around all day just praying and having a good time. Communities of monks also have the same problems that people on the outside do - some people don’t like other people and get annoyed by personal quirks, so your sense of having a community seems very idealistic.

I guess I’m a bit of a tough love kind of guy. Yes, you are in a very dark, lonely place right now. You’re miserable and low. I get it. I’ve been there too. SSA isn’t the only thing that can lead a person there. We’re never as special or unique as we think we are.

But…you also have a sense of entitlement that isn’t helping much. You have expectations for your parents, for your employers, for the educational institutions you’ve attended, and for the Church. Worse though, you’re stuck in your own head and your own thoughts. There’s a pity party going on in your head and you’re the guest of honor. You’re thinking yourself to death right now.

There are two things you can do to feel better. They always work if you do them. You always stay stuck of you don’t do them.

First, actively examine your life for things to be grateful for. You have them in abundance just like we all do, but you can’t see them because you’re blinded by your self pity. Stop looking at what you don’t have and choose to look at what you do have. It really is a choice. If you want different results, start choosing differently. Can’t think of much to be grateful for? Use the alphabet. Start with A and end with Z. Think of 26 different things you’re grateful for, one that begins with each letter. I admit, X and Z are tough, but xylophones and zebras are pretty cool.

Second, do something for someone else. You’re stuck in a place where all of your thoughts revolve around you. Look outward for a change. Surely there are people around who could use a hand. Find an activity that involves getting out of your own thoughts and into someone else’s life. Volunteer. Look for someone who is feeling down and offer them a smile and a kind word.

You can actively do these things and they’ll help. Or you can get drunk and post forum messages, which might help in the short term, but that’s debatable.

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