Caregiver v. partner


#1

When a spouse assumes the role of caregiver, its hard to view the other spouse as one's partner, especially with regards to s**ual activity. For instance, wiping someone's rear end isnt exactly a romantic gesture.


#2

having been married over 40 years I assure you love does not diminish when one becomes caretaker to the other. On the other hand I wonder at a love that demands sexual favors from a spouse who has become disabled to the point of need a caretaker.

I am going to let you kiddies in on a well kept secret. Those of you who practice NFP know this already because it is one of the most valuable fruits of this practice. There are times in marriage when full sexual expression of your love is not possible--necessary abscence, illness, after childbirth etc. At those times and most particularly when one of you requires special care and has special needs, the means of expressing love through giving that care and attention can even surpass sex as a means of fostering and deepening intimacy and union.


#3

I am not demanding anything, just wondering where to go, in that regard ( relations )


#4

[quote="traillius, post:1, topic:224027"]
When a spouse assumes the role of caregiver, its hard to view the other spouse as one's partner, especially with regards to s**ual activity. For instance, wiping someone's rear end isnt exactly a romantic gesture.

[/quote]

I'm trying to understand here what you are getting at.

I am the full time caregiver to my Alzheimer's diseased wife. I agree that wiping her rear is not a "romantic gesture" but it is a gesture of Love.

As for her being my "partner", regardless of her disabilites she remains the Love of my Life. We are unable to engage in sexual relations but this does not preclude our hugs, kisses, and telling each other that we love the other. (at least she can still do that).

My wife and I have always complimented each other and now, she is my teacher in the finer points of Love, patience, forebearance, toleration, humility and self scrifice.

Now I'm not sure if any of this is hitting where you are trying to go with your post, but if there are specific, and delicate, issues that you wish to discuss or ask about, you can PM me.

Peace
James


#5

[quote="traillius, post:3, topic:224027"]
I am not demanding anything, just wondering where to go, in that regard ( relations )

[/quote]

The answer to this is celibacy. You are faced with the sitation where your spouse and partner is unable to have sexual relations. Therefore you are not either. Believe me I've examined every avenue on this and the only correct solution is celibacy on your part.

This does not preclude other forms of intimacy such as hugs, kisses and "snuggling" as appropriate. Just be sure it does not lead to sinful acts or thoughts.

Your relationship is now changed, but your commitment to each other has not.

Peace
James


#6

[quote="traillius, post:3, topic:224027"]
I am not demanding anything, just wondering where to go, in that regard ( relations )

[/quote]

What do you mean by "where to go, in that regard (relations)" ?


#7

I can’t afford right now to be a full time caregiver. Its even harder, because caring for herself, and my son ( home for break- 8 years old ) wipes her out, and then I barely manage 40 hours at job, and then come home to take care of her, son, and household.
as best i can anyway.


#8

we would like to have relations once in a while, if possible. I guess we just need to plan for it.


#9

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