Catholic BDSM?

Hey everyone. I was talkign to a friend the other day and she told me that she’s a submissive. She doesn’t really follow bdsm, but she has the mindset of a ‘sub.’ She’s Catholic too, and engaged, but she doesn’t do anything that would be a sin like fornication or anything. But she said that if it was consensual between herself and her fiance (then husband:) ) she could go along with some of the ‘lighter’ aspect of bdsm.

what do you think? If it’s used as foreplay but ends “right” and all that, is it a sin?

I was just reading Holy Sex! A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving, and it said that pretty much anything is acceptable as long as it is loving towards each other, is something that both are comfortable with, and involves the a finish with the potential for procreation (is that a sufficient detail? :slight_smile: )

One wonders a bit if this kind of preference is consistent with a healthy, Catholic spirituality, or is not the result of some emotional trauma… the book above suggests obtaining Catholic sex counseling in certain situations, maybe this is necessary here.

I guess whatever a married couple does behind closed doors, within reason–of course, is fine. As long as it is in the spirit of mutual self giving.

However, as the poster ahead of me said, there is an aspect of this sort of behavior that is unhealthy, if taken too far. Some people use these submissive/dominant roles to substitute for actually doing the work of a relationship. Instead of interacting as people, they interact as “roles.” It’s not healthy. I had a friend who got into this scene. She ended up getting a divorce and getting involved in things that have taken her a long way from God’s way. We don’t talk anymore, because her “master” won’t let her. I don’t even know where she is now, haven’t spoken in years. Please pray for her. :frowning:
Anyway, if this is stuff that she wants just for sexual play, then that’s fine. But she shouldn’t base a relationship on it.

In Catholicism first all sexual activity is confined to marriage. In marriage there is a great leeway as to what is allowed providing it consumates allowing for the possibility of procreation. That does not mean that anything goes either not even in marriage. As far as Buddism is concerned if there are teachings in Buddism that are identical to church teaching then there is truth. But it must be remembered that there is only one true church from God the Catholic church and that all salvation is through the Catholic church alone.

This does not mean you must be a catholic to be saved but the opportunity for salvation outside the church is equally as good for a practicing aethiest as for a practicing buddist or protestant.

Marital acts must also support the dignity of the person. Acts that cause harm whether physical or emotional to one or the other spouse certainly do not do that.

Thank you for all the replies! :slight_smile: And I’ll tell her about the book camerong, it looks interesting.

The marital relationship is often used as an image of the relationship between God and Man… and sometimes, I can’t help thinking that relationship is a bit of a BDSM relationship. Think about how “rough” God can be with the ones He loves…

There’s a right way and a wrong way to include BDSM practices in one’s marital acts, which is why there are things called “safe words” involved. If one of the partners goes too far, they call out the “safe word”, which means “Okay, I’ve had enough, this is getting much too real for me/I’m in real pain/etc.” It’s like following a script in a play or a movie. The problem is, some people get confused and let the “script” carry over into the rest of their married life, and thus they use it as a cover or an excuse for being a control freak.

For that matter, there is an odd condition known as algolagnia, where some people just have this overlap between pain and pleasure. No one knows what causes it, and I suspect some saints may have had it. Think of St. Teresa of Avila and the vision she had of an angel driving a golden dart through her heart…

I would tend to agree with some your thoughts here. I have read through similar topics about BDSM here in the CAF. Most of this I find irksome and rather disgusting. It would seem that a number of Catholics like to tread the peripheral perimeter when talking about Sexual Ethics and how each integrates such morality in their own conscious. Anything akin to adopting BDSM practices in sexual foreplay only serves the manifestation of pleasure in the human ego. God created sex primarily for procreation. When humans find themselves obsessed with the pleasure principle it becomes selfish and immoral.
Sometimes it seems Satan is winning his game at deceiving humans that sexual pleasure is greater than True Love.

Given that BDSM means Bondage/Domination/Submission/Sadism/Masochism, I really don’t understand how getting off on disrespect can be portrayed as a loving and acceptable behaviour between spouses even if they both consent. “You’ve been a bad, bad boy/girl” isn’t “I love you” any way you look at it and may actually indicate an underlying pathology. Marital vows don’t make perversions OK. It’s just a way for the devil to enter into the marital relationship.

Playing “bad” is highly disrespectful towards God who is Goodness itself. In fact, I think it’s a mockery of Jesus in light of the sufferings He endured.

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Two words: SLIPPERY SLOPE :stretcher::crutches:

hi all i just had to join the forum to respond to this subject.
i myself am a submissive and find some of the coments quiet judgemental a true Dominant loves and respects his submissive and treats her with the utmost care.i myself use the word sir rather than master as that refers to my lord in my eyes.The origal wedding vows stated love honour and OBEY …what does this say to you …that the wife was the property of the husband i personaly dont see the difference~smiles~ and nowhere does it say that a man and his wife cant enjoy the sexual act as long as procreation is allowed .im not tealogical i just follow my personal journey with Christ please find out more about a subect before you comment.
may the love of Christ be with you all ~smiles~

hi all i just had to join the forum to respond to this subject.
i myself am a submissive and find some of the coments quiet judgemental a true Dominant loves and respects his submissive and treats her with the utmost care.i myself use the word sir rather than master as that refers to my lord in my eyes.The origal wedding vows stated love honour and OBEY …what does this say to you …that the wife was the property of the husband i personaly dont see the difference~smiles~ and nowhere does it say that a man and his wife cant enjoy the sexual act as long as procreation is allowed .im not tealogical i just follow my personal journey with Christ please find out more about a subect before you comment.
may the love of Christ be with you all ~smiles~

My, my. And I thought I left all this stuff behind. LOL.

Couldn’t agree more. In fact, I’ll add REALLY BAD IDEA:blackeye::tsktsk:

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