Here’s my problem in a nutshell: I’m a convert from Evangelical Protestantism. I was a strong Christian my entire life. I was drawn to Catholicism over a number of years and then had a sudden pull to it 3 years ago at the same time that I discovered EWTN. I immersed myself in reading and discerning things and came to the conclusion that the Catholic Church was the one true Church founded by Jesus. I went through RCIA and became Catholic 2 years ago. I was excited and thankful for the grace of finding the Church. I truly believed everything the Chuch teaches. I was excited about the Eucharist. I started contemplating religious life and/or working for the Church as a teacher or lay minister sometime in the future. The desires of my heart changed for the better and I became a much more peaceful and forgiving person.
Fast forward to today. I feel like I’ve lost my Catholic faith. I feel like I don’t believe much of the Church’s teachings now. I am not doubting God or Christianity in general, just whether or not I should’ve stayed Protestant. I tell you, I truly am shocked at this turn of events. If someone had told me this was going to happen, I would not have believed it could because I know how I felt and I know what I believed up until a couple of months ago. I would’ve staked my life on the Church and its teachings.
I need to figure things out fast because I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t know what the exact cause of this is. I think most of it stems from two things: I have a very liberal priest. He came the parish after I became Catholic. He preaches things contrary to the Church’s teachings. I was enraged when this happened and I planned to find a better parish but then some other conservative people begged me to stay. I stayed. After awhile, I started to try and see things from the liberal priest’s perspective, and then I started to think liberal (by liberal, I probably should say “heretical”). Some of the things he taught were: women are denied equality in the Church, God can be called “mother”, God wants us in heaven so we’re all going to end up there. Stuff like that. Anyway, after flirting with liberalism myself because I didn’t fit in with some of the extremely conservative Catholics (the more Catholic than the Pope types), I came back to my senses and was enraged again that I didn’t quit this parish when I had the chance. Now I am involved in it too much to quit (I teach catechism and I don’t think I can quit it since it’s my duty to keep my word and it’s hard to find teachers).
A friend of mine wrote to the priest to address his heretical ideas but got no response. My friend then wrote to the Bishop and got no response. I think I started to get bitter and doubtful about the faith after seeing that the Bishop doesn’t seem care.
The second thing that may be causing my doubts is that when I see that the majority of the other parishoners are not bothered by my priest’s liberalism. I’ve started to wonder if anyone knows their faith or even cares (I’m generalizing, I know). And then adding further confusion, I joined a group of supposedly conservative Catholics who meet to discuss doctrine and I’m taken aback by some of the things they do and say and it confuses me because I know Protestants that are more clean living than them.
So I guess in a nutshell, I see lots of spiritual fruit from some Protestants and a lot of Evangelical Protestants know the Lord and know their Bible and love the Lord with their whole hearts and they are bearing much fruit despite the fact that they don’t have the Eucharist. Then I see other Catholics that have the Eucharist (which at this point, is the only thing I’m clinging to) and they don’t know anything about the Bible or Church teachings.
I’ve rambled some and I don’t intend any disrespect to anyone here. I’m baring my heart in the hopes that I can get some advice because I’m heart broken about the way my thoughts and beliefs are messed up.
I don’t know who I can talk to about this because I’m ashamed that I feel like this. I alluded to some of this during Confession with a conservative priest but he basically said it’s no wonder I’m mixed up based on the liberal priest stuff. But that Confession was a month ago and I initially felt better after it and now in the past week, I feel worse.
Thanks for listening.
And does this happen much? Do Catholic converts ever revert back to Protestantism???