Catholic dating for a new Catholic


Hi Everyone

I have a long story but I will start with the main point first: I am a new Catholic and God says that we must not have sex before marriage or lust at all etc. but yet most Catholics are very liberal - including my girlfriend. I am from the UK and I have been in an internet relationship with my girlfriend who lives in America. She is very passionate and loves exploring life - she's also very kind too. She says that she is a very liberal Catholic - now I have no idea what that means I just know that there are mortal sins and God says in the bible that nobody has a right to sin. My girlfriend say that she is, 'not so freaked out about the ''sex'' rules.' She says that if you love someone you should let them know how much you care for them in every way in which love takes you. she also says,

'i respect myself, yet don't mind trusting someone who i love with the love i give them.'

My girlfriend seems to be a type of Catholic that is 'very liberal', like she says, and to also run on emotion and feelings rather than as she sates herself, '''sex'' rules'.

So I just want to know what you think of my girlfriend?

She is a very passionate woman and she loves exploring the world and she is the best in her field with her career, but I know that all that matters is God and what He thinks. She is running her life through emotions and God said that we must follow by His rules and we go to Hell if we die in a state of mortal sin. Also, God says that nobody has a right to sin and all we have to say is 'yes or no' to decisions in our lives. God also said that anything other than yes or no is from the evil one.

So by looking at how my girlfriend, of 7.5 months who I've never met in person yet but will in June, is clearly being misled by as God states 'the evil one.' She is basing her life on something that is not as God puts it 'yes or no', she is twisting it so that it is about emotions.

Now about my life:

My father is a very angry man and he did not work hard at school, he is from a rural farm in England. We therefore grew up in the ghetto because my father was poor so I've had a pretty tough life, whereas my girlfriend has lived a high standard of life and God does state that it is more difficult for a rich person to enter God's Kingdom than it is a poor man. So I have had a trememdous life in respects of having more of an opportunity to enter Heaven :) Also, my mom is a very devout Catholic :) My parents also don't go out of the house much. I also don't go out of the house much because I am working really hard with my job and studying - I will be an MBA graduate in a couple of years.

So I had two parents who had different belief systems and I didn't know what to stand for in life. All I liked doing was making people happy. I didn't work hard during school until the age of 16 because I ws making people laugh! I thought that if nobody knew what was going on in the world I might as well make them laugh! So I was the funniest guy in the school and stuff... :) But then i found myself in the real world and life was extremely tough and I realised that you had to work hard... I couldn't believe how hard you had to work! :) I realised also that there was not so much love in the world like me making everyone laugh at school...

I was also not one of those guys that chased girls and had sex with them from bars... I felt quite isolated because every guy was doing it and I thought that this was no way to live a life...

So I was in a world where I had to work hard... and there didn't appear to be much love in the world and I was depressed. I felt like I wanted to not exist a lot of the time. I knew that even though I was going through so much pain that I can still do some good with my life. I heard many women saying that guys were horrible and treated them badly, a lot of women said that they couldn't even find a good guy and I know many that had given up. So I thought that I could make a woman happy who wanted something from this crazy world, so that is when I started using my intelligence to become a highly-qualified individual and support a family i.e. give a woman who just wants a nice guy what she wants as I didn't need/want anything.

So I ended up dating women and to be honest it was really pointless... I mean I felt like I was going through the motions... I mean what do they stand for in life? I thought that could udnerstand these guys treat girls like **** because they are so boring and this is like going through the motions... I wanted more and more and more... I searched for some kind of reason to be great in this world... I did not want to go through the motions... so I thought that I might as well do the best possible for my future children that I would bring into this insane world. This world judges people for many different things like beauty, height, wealth etc. so I set up a check-list for my new mrs and once I had that sorted out at least I knew that I did my best for my kids :) my check-list was:
- tall,
- beautiful,
- dark because of global warming (don't laugh!)
- wealthy
- positive
- and hard-working


I was trying my best to get the best girls possible for my kids! I am in extremely good shape with my huge muscles and I am handsome, so I found dating women no problem at all. I did have some problems as I was behind in my career/studies so I couldn't get every great girl! You know what the world is like: rich, tall, dark and handsome....

Anyways... I never found happiness... I did end up with a really perfect woman and I was like 'woooo'. But then she was a real diva and was extremely demanding - these women weren't just satisfied with love even though they had guys who treated them badly so I ended up giving up on women... I either had to go through the motions with girls who had nothing about them or I had to not just offer my love to women who had something about them.

I really had no other option now but to give up on life and just have fun by being a gangster and if I ended up in jail I wouldn't have given a damn... but like the time when I felt like I didn't want to exist I thought that I can still do good... so my last hope was turning to religion... Oh, btw, I was only looking for agnostic/atheist women because I thought that nobody knew what the truth was so I didn't want to date anyone of any kind of religion... but in the end I had to give it a go... I mean if my kids were being lazy or naughty and they asked me why they should bother to do anything I'd have nothing to say back to them. So I had to go for God as I didn't want to be a gangster because I'm a nice person.

So I accidently ''winked'' at a Muslim while I was on dating sites pulling these hot professional women... And we met up and hit it off! The first woman that I felt great with because love has a meaning through God. I felt wonderful. And she ticked all of my boxes... haha :) So i ended up researching religions before committing to becoming a Muslim and becoming serious with her, but I came across the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found proof of only one belief system and that is why i am a Catholic!

i thought that this was great because I can use my heart in a way that has meaning :) I was very disappointed with a lot of Catholics, as there are a lot of liberal Catholics who sin on purpose and we all know that there is. I thought that if they believed in God then why are they not following His rules and being happy? but I understand that not everyone has a life experience like I do! I have a perfect heart and just want to do good for everyone else and make people happy ^_^ I don't mind if I die or suffer because of it. I am very passionate about God now that I have meaning through Him.

But then I found that great Catholic women were hard to come by... this made me very upset... nobody was like me and giving my all... I think this is the point that I am trying to make here... this is especially true with my girlfriend... she is very liberal and not 'yes or no' like God says and that 'nobody had a right to sin' and that we shall all be judged.

So as you can see I haven't had a normal, Catholic family background... but what is normal? I don't think that there is normal anymore... All I want to do is be a good person...

What should I do? :( I was thinking that it may be best that I become a monk? :(

I think that I would scare people away as a priest because I am extremely conservative, but not in a nasty way :( all i want to do is good for God :( be a great Catholic dad for God :(

I don't know what to do... I just want to maximise the goodness that I do for God :( I would bring up a Catholic family but my girlfriend is very liberal and my kids may not be children of God that God would have wanted. Maybe I should make a conservative woman happy? Maybe I should just put my foot down and tell my girlfriend that she shoudl just respect that I am a very conservative Catholic.

So should I have sex with her if the moment goes that way before marriage? She says follow love. It is things like this that make me want to leave the world behind and become a monk, because the world is sick and even if I were a priest I would not fit in. I am very holy and only care about giving out my love and doing good for God...

I would make this woman happy who she says she finds it difficult to find a good man...

I don't know... someone please give me soem advice because I am a new Catholic and I am very distressed. I can't seem to find any answers anywhere so please help me and don't throw me away like a piece of trash. If you do then I might as well just leave all of the Catholics behind and become a monk.... All I offer is love and all I get is abuse... I feel really bad...

God bless



Also, can someone give me advice with regards to Catholic dating... I don't know what to dpo with regards to intimacy... my girlfriend is very liberal and she would go all the way with me so I don't know what to do...


You should talk to a priest about your questions. Why not go to confession and discuss this in detail?


Thanks for sharing your story, OP. I second another poster’s advice to consider meeting with a priest for confession and spiritual directorship - a good priest will understand the “conservative” ways about you that the world can’t seem to appreciate, and advise you from a knowledgeable, moral perspective.

I would like to first address a particular viewpoint you’ve expressed:Focus on you for right now, and your relationship with Christ. Allow yourself to grow in Him and seek out new ways to serve him.

I, too, am a young unmarried Catholic, and while I do look forward to marriage and raising children someday, I think of how I can constructively utilize this “single time” in my life to grow - I know it won’t be this easy in the future, if I’m a parent with a busy household of kids, which seems to be what you envision for yourself. Busy as I am with work, school, and a social life, now is my time to cultivate a foundation of faith that will shape my life, and to implement habits (Reconciliation, daily mass, etc) that will benefit me as I grow older and my life changes. Now is my time to discern how God is calling me to utilize my time and talent, to weed out vice, to serve Him best, and to become, as my confessor says, “the person God wants me to be.” Please don’t look for your fulfillment in “giv(ing) a woman who just wants a nice guy what she wants” - I think a truly complementary spouse will be so, SO much more than that to you, and help you draw closer to God, as well.

I will also stress that you should absolutely not compromise on your Catholic beliefs in your current relationship (or any, for that matter). It is my honest fear that your becoming sexually active now would cause you even greater pain and angst if, for any reason, your relationship should go awry or end - and I say, as a young Catholic woman myself, that the type of woman you’re pursuing (i.e., one who would strive to follow God in her roles as woman, wife, and possibly mother) would not pressure you to compromise on your chastity, and will understand and respect your resistance to engage in sexual activity in your striving for holiness. Have you spoken to your current girlfriend about God in an in-depth way? Regardless of how she feels for you, she should be willing to practice sexual restraint, and certainly to understand why you would value that so. It could honestly be that she is not familiar with Church teaching on pre-marital sex, or unsure of why such a teaching is in place (and truly, if she is a woman you would consider marrying, as per your post, I would hope she would have enough reverence for the sacrament of Matrimony and the sanctity of marital sex to truly take the Church’s stance to heart.)

Let me share in your commiserating in regards to the moral laxity of many fellow young Catholics, too. In my spiritual development I have had to quietly let go of many social acquaintances, friendships, relationships and pasttimes that did not strengthen, benefit or complement my Catholic lifestyle - but what a blessing to see the secular world for what it is, and to have the God-given grace and wisdom to forego all of the heartache and disappointment and lack of fulfillment in our modern sexual culture and dating scene. Don’t let it discourage you - be a light to these people you encounter, be evidence that an attractive young man can joyfully live a Godly life.

Whether you continue to (chastely!) develop your current dating relationship, seek out a woman whose Catholic lifestyle more complements your own, or pursue the religious life of a monk, I simply encourage you to grow in your Catholic faith however possible. Read as much as you can on our Church, particularly her teaching on sexuality and marriage (since this is currently a topic of distress for you), even just threads on this forum, to help you develop a true, livable understanding of chastity, sexuality, the vocation of marriage, etc…I think the church’s stance will appeal to your heart. :thumbsup: Embrace the sacraments, particularly Confession (if you haven’t already), as a means to strengthen your faith and form your conscience, which will allow you more clarity in acting in a way pleasing to God. And please don’t overlook the value of an hour in Adoration. Ask for a clearer understanding of the vocation to which God is calling you, and to be made resolute in your love for Him…I am sure He will gladly “use your heart in a way that has meaning” :slight_smile:


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