Catholic Dating


#1

Well I’m brand new, forgive me if I post this in the wrong place.

I recently met a Catholic man, he’s wonderful. I wanted to ask about flirting and being a good Catholic/Christian. I haven’t dated in a long, long time, and through santification, I am now a devout Catholic, as I wasn’t in past relationships. I’m not at this, so I’m afraid I don’t know how to show interest without sinning.

Second thing, he told me he’d call me right back last week, and to this day, he has not. He said that right after he asked me to have lunch with him the next day, and I said yes. I know he’s okay and no emergencies arose, Thank God. I forgive him, but he doesn’t know that because he hasn’t called.

Obviously I just some enlightenment/words of wisdom. Thank you so much, God Bless You.


#2

Well, this is a somewhat complicated question. I recently started a relationship with a wonderful Catholic woman, and she is helping me strive to be a better Catholic, but at the same time, being involved with someone definitely creates a greater level of temptation than when one is not actively involved in a dating relationship.

I would say the key is communication. You both need to discuss your beliefs, and be sure you are on the same page. I presume you are concerned about slipping and ending up engaging in pre-marital relations. You need to make sure he also feels the same way. With both of you working to protect chastity, you have a chance, one can support the other in moments of weakness. When you are sharing physical affection, you need to be even more careful about communicating. Everyone reacts differently, and what one person might find mildly pleasing, might be enough to cause another person to loose control. Responsible partners will learn what to save for marriage and what is safe physical affection.

Now as for the call. Not sure, some guys play games some don’t. Have you tried calling him?

Obviously, prayer is always a good practice. Pray for him, and pray for guidence in this relationship.

Bill


#3

Honestly…if he “forgot” about you so quickly, I’m guessing that he isn’t that interested in you.

When men are interested in women, they pursue them.


#4

I agree. If this guy really was interested, calling you back would be a priority. He would not have forgotten.


#5

Don’t be so quick to say that he isn’t interested. Honestly it is a miracle the my wife and I ever started dating due to the miscues we had. We met through mutual friends and told me that she only dated “friends”. In my mind we weren’t friends yet, and I took it to me that she wasn’t interested.

I would give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Call him. Guys can be and are insecure and you showing interest in him could remove the doubt that is keeping him from calling you. If you don’t get a response, then move on. Let God take it from there.

When men are interested in women, they pursue them.

Not if they think they have no chance of obtaining them. Guys also hate rejection. My wife’s best friend is very beautiful, very catholic and very smart. Yet she wasn’t asked out often because guys were afraid she would say no. Her husband admits that he was very hesitant before asking her out for this very reason.


#6

Perhaps this gentleman is wonderful, but it is nearly guaranteed that he is not interested in pursuing getting to know you better, as evidenced by the fact that he said he’d call you right back, but has not done so for a week. Saying, “I’ll call you” is possibly the most classic line thrown-out there when a man or woman does not know how to politely end a conversation without promise of another one. It’s not evil, just thoughtless and awkward.

If he calls you in the future, so be it, but I hope you do not expend a lot of energy thinking about him in the meantime.

Oh, and about showing interest without sinning . . . there are many ways! Broad smiles. Accepting a man’s invitations. Laughing at his jokes, perhaps while patting his hand (but not his knee). Expressing your pleasure openly (“I’ve really enjoyed myself this evening, John, and I hope you’ll call me again”) but not too seductively. Being encouraging even if you really are busy (“Unfortunately, I’m volunteering next Friday night, but I’d love to take you up on your dinner offer. Does another night work for you?”). And so forth!


#7

The touch and the woman asking to see the man again are the two best ways. Go with those.

Once you become more comfortable, locking arms with him while you are walking is a great way to touch and let him know you like him.


#8

Oh yes, locking arms is great because it is a chaste way of touching and allows the man to be gallant. I am a strong believer in the woman allowing the man to initiate, but there are a few areas where I believe a woman can initiate easily and retain her ladylikeness. In this case, a woman can take a man’s arm while walking down the sidewalk or anywhere else uneven to help her keep her balance. :wink:


#9

In general:

You don’t have to flirt in the conventional way to show a good man you like him. Just be relaxed, be yourself, and enjoy the time you spend with him. :slight_smile:

Make eye contact when you converse. Listen, offer intelligent responses. Smile. Tell him you enjoyed your date. Laugh at his jokes. Compliment him on something, if he gives you occasion. (not physical, if you can.) If he holds doors, pulls out chairs, or any other gentlemanly gestures, thank him. People love affirmation.

Oh yeah, and dress in a way that is pretty, but still modest. This will help both of you to concentrate on other things. :slight_smile:


#10

Indulge me in a story:

A not so good guy, and a devout Catholic woman.

The not so good guy meets the woman in a retail environment, he the customer, she the salesclerk. The guy is buying a cassette deck. Not too long into the “pitch” some sparks are flying…Flirting…

The not-so-good guy forgets about the cassette deck and asks the girl out for a date, she agrees on the place & time, and he writes his phone number on a scrap of paper…

They meet for the “date”. Separate cars. Have dinner, some drinks, and talk. Eventually it gets late and the not-so-good guy walks the gal to her car. That incredibly uncomfortable 1st date moment comes when either person doesn’t know what to do. She is standing with her car door between herself and the not-so-good guy. Well, the guy leans over the door and plants one on the gal.

With her dumbfounded look the not-so-good guy leans over and kisses her again…(I didn’t get slugged, so why not go for “twozies”…) If you’ve not figured it out by now I’m the not-so-good guy…
(I dunno, I don’t flirt… I’ll just kiss the girl. If I don’t get punched or maced I guess it was OK…)

She married me 20 months later, and we had our 18th last September.

(Not too long into our dating she confessed that "The only reason I showed up for that 1st date is I lost the paper with your number, and I couldn’t bring myself to “stand you up”…)

I don’t see anything wrong with an affectionate “Thank you for the nice evening” kiss or embrace (Not a tonsil-hockey session or grope mind-you). A nice kiss and a hug with someone you’re interested in. You’re not making “invitations”, just acknowledging the fact you like this person and enjoy their company (and hope they feel the same).

Is kissing/embracing sinful? A non-invasive expression of affection towards another… we do it with relatives we don’t necessarily like…as any kid when “Aunty Barb” comes to visit will testify… Granted a kiss and cheek pinch from “Aunty Barb” doesn’t cause any “stirring down below”, but is confession needed when a kiss & hug is received from someone you are “interested” in and when your body temporarily takes control??


#11

No. Just don’t lust.


#12

I thought I’d just give you all an update on what happened with this situation. Thank you for all of your posts and advice. Thank you, especially, for the encouragement.

He finally called me a couple of days ago. He immediately apologized for not calling me back. He said he was sorry he hadn’t called me in a while but he’d been kinda busy. He also said he lost my phone number and tried to look me up but I’m unlisted. He’d only ever called me at work, and never called my cell phone, obviously because he’d lost it. I gave him my cell phone number again. Anyway, we went to Church together the next day and then he asked me to have lunch with him after Mass. That was yesterday.

There are some wonderful things that are happening in this relationship that I have prayed for. For example, we go to Mass together once a week, and twice so far, we’ve had lunch after Mass. We go to Mass during lunch, I go twice a week, he usually goes once. I’ve always longed for a relationship where we could go to Church together. Well, now I guess I’m being picky. We meet up at Mass, and then meet up wherever we eat. I’m guessing, and hoping, that as the relationship progresses he would pick me up…instead of meeting me…and then after our first date, which was a lunch date, we’ve never planned to meet up at Mass, it just happens. If we planned, I wouldn’t have to guess I’m going to see him there and so far, only on our first date have we been able to sit together because friends or relatives always get to either of us first and we have to sit with them. I guess that will change as the relationship progresses. He seems a little hesitant. I can’t figure out if it’s for fear of rejection, or just wanting to take things slow, or caution? It terrifies me, because I am already uncertain, cautious, and I fear rejection myself. I’m just thankful we communicate well once we’re together, but getting there seems like half the battle. I just pray for patience.

When we leave our lunch dates we hug and he just says I’ll see you later. I would like a little more than that, like I’ll call you, or let’s do this again soon, or would you like to go out this weekend, or something more. All I can do is pray at this point.


#13

Your wife’s best friend wouldn’t happen to have a twin sister who is single, would she? :smiley:


#14

I don’t necessarily agree with those who say him not calling you back means he isn’t interested.
Im reallllly shy with the ladies and maybe he’s just too scared to call you back, God knows I’ve done it. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t interested, probably meant I was too interested :smiley:
And there’s a million other reasons why he may not have called you, so don’t give him the boot just because of that.


#15

Well, re-read my previous post…

Give him a kiss after your hugs on the next lunch date…(I hope he won’t slap/slug you :smiley: ) There isn’t a guy alive that would turn down an appreciative kiss from a gal he’s interested in, and it will make that “awkward uncomfortable what do I do/say next” moment easier to breach.

Honestly (sorry about the bluntness) men are scared sh*tless around women these days. Too many “rules of conduct”, or “Am I supposed to be sensitive, manly, wimpy, tough”… or they are just plain shy, or “once BITTEN, twice shy”.

I work with 3 guys that are serious “good man/husband” material. Stable jobs, mentality, reasonably painless to look at… They WANT to be with a good woman and start a life together… but have had too many experiences with “psycho-bytch from H*ll” an are now totally gunshy or are too scared to change their ways…

I’m rambling… Just kiss the guy and see what happens.


#16

Give him a call, tell him you were disappointed that he didn’t make it to the lunch date, and ask whether he wants to reschedule, or would he prefer to go for coffee after work one day, instead.

If he doesn’t make it to the next one, then he’s not interested - just cross him off your list, and say, NEXT!! :wink:


#17

ah dating.

As you could imagine it’s hard for me to date a catholic girl.

  • But wiht my situation as a paraplegic, dating could never lead to marriage [see Canon 1084]
    I do try to date as many catholic women as I can but this becomes an issue at sometime.

Scotty*


#18

#19

I have.
The paraplegic must have been injured AFTER the marriage.
This is a big difference.

Scotty


#20

Just curious, have you discussed the issue with your doctor? There might be medical methods available that would allow you to at least consumate the marriage?


Bill


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