Catholic in a Pentecostal church


#1

For reasons I can’t really go into, I currently go to a Pentecostal church since my husband’s entire life is invested in it – his father and uncles are pastors and my husband also in the worship team. Most of the time I silently say my rosary, or just zone off since most times, the service isn’t in English.

We rarely go to mass because of church/familiar obligations, but my husband is totally open to attending mass. Converting, though, that’s an entirely different story. Slowly but surely I’m working my way to that goal.

Okay, so that was the background story.

Here’s my question that I need answered, or at least opinions.

Every once in a while, the pastor will say during service: “I see some people aren’t moving, some people don’t know how to worship. If you are standing still then you don’t love the Lord.”

Of course, being raised with the TLM I’m just not comfortable doing all that hoohah and so I end up sitting down because the pastor’s comments are directed at ME since I really am the only one not moving.

This is just one issue among many others that I deal with, nevermind the constant comments and jokes about being Catholic, so I thought I’ll first get opinions on this small issue first.

Should I just clap and do all the song actions so everyone can just shut up about me, but if I do, I’d be doing all that for THEM and not for God.

What to do what to do.

Thanks in advance for any advice.


#2

What you need to do is get your priorities straight. I’m sorry, sister, but you have an obligation to go to Mass. Regular attendance at his services are questionable, let alone participating in them.

You, as a Catholic, need to be in Mass with or without your husband. Going to his non-Catholic service does not remove your Mass obligation. Go talk to your priest and seek the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the times you’ve been missing Mass.

You made the choice to marry a non-Catholic. You did this knowing your obligations. I really don’t see why you are going to his church.


#3

You don’t necessarily have to keep taking all the jokes aimed at you. Show them you are serious about your Catholic faith by going to mass regularly, alone if necessary. I personally would not attend a church where the pastor felt it necessary to call me out, but I am just that way and maybe you’re more patient and understanding, especially since your husband is so involved. Perhaps you can broach this subject with him, using that angle?

If you do keep going to his church, do not participate. If you’re not feeling what they do, then you definitely shouldn’t fake it.


#4

As a Catholic it is a mortal sin to miss your Holy Day of Obligation.

From my experience, these Pentecostal services are much longer than Mass. I would suggest you drop your husband off at his and you and the kids go to Mass, then pick your husband up after Mass.

As for standing or dancing or other outward gestures, that is a personal matter. I would not do it just for a “show”.


#5

#6

Jokes with a sting in their tail, or a shrewd twist of the knife… sad.

Should I just clap and do all the song actions so everyone can just shut up about me, but if I do, I’d be doing all that for THEM and not for God.

What to do what to do.

Mass is the priority, plus from my own perspective, I wouldn’t be attending anyway to be put in such a predicament.


#7

Are we to understand that your FIL and/or husband’s uncles, whom you identified as the pastors, are the ones singling you out? If so, then your husband should be dealing with this directly and decisively.

Assuming the best of your husband’s family for now, you are a visitor in this church, albeit a frequent one, NOT one of its congregants. You should not be expected to do anything other than be a respectful observer. To publicly admonish you like a child is not only wildly inappropriate but remarkably insensitive and unwelcoming conduct --not only to you as their guest, but to your family who are members of the church and have been so involved and dedicated to it. Were it me, I would have absolutely no hesitation about sharing the previous thoughts with the offending pastor. You could also request your husband do so on your behalf.


#8

…one other thought that didn’t make the time limit of my last post…

No one, spouse or otherwise could convince me to “pretend” or substitute participation in my faith for participation in another I did not fully embrace. You have to ask yourself how much of what you are doing is a sincere effort to draw your husband towards accepting your beleifs and how much is simply a charade to keep family peace or avoid taking a stand for your faith and tradition which differ from that of your husband.


#9

I suggest that you cease attending his ecclesiastical community and return to the Sacraments. Let him go alone to his thing because you NEED to go to Mass.
If y’all have children, they need to be with you at Mass and not at his community, and definitely not being indoctrinated into that community.
You, as the Catholic, have the OBLIGATION to be at Mass. You are also responsible for getting your husband to heaven. YOU are responsible for bringing him back to the One True Church. Make it a priority to get him to Mass.


#10

Could you make it to Mass on a Saturday evening or Sunday evening if Sunday days are taken up at dh’s church? If not, and probably even if so, you may need to talk to dh about being made to feel like an outsider and that it is essential to you to attend Mass - ask him how he would feel if you insisted that he attend Mass and miss his own service? Remind him that he promised to allow the children to be raised Catholic - that ain’t happening if they’re not going to Mass every week.

If nothing else worked, I would simply walk out of that Pentecostal church the next time the pastor said something so idiotic and never go back. Were Mary and John dancing and clapping at the foot of the Cross? Did they love Our Lord any the less at that moment?


#11

I know how you feel…my grandparents were pentecostal holiness and so when I was with them I was required to go to their church. When I was younger I liked the Sunday School and stuff…but when they got really going I would be so terrified I would often hide beneath the pews…

These are the people that convinced me that Catholics were devil worshipers and the pope was the devil incarnate/anti-christ. Be thankful they haven’t pulled you to the altar to “lay hands” on you and cure you of your demons and sin.

I am now a proud and devoted Catholic. Still traumatized by that church. Do not go!! Go to mass, take your children if you have any to mass. You have been so understanding of your husbands family and they have not treated you with the same charity. They will not, more than likely, b/c they are convinced they are right. Have a chat with your husband and explain your situation. He knew in marrying you what religion you were so he should not protest…since you already said he was supportive of you going to mass.

The PH church means well…but they scare me and I’m an adult now lol.


#12

Thanks everybody for all the advice…I know I need to get to Mass. I’ve never heard advice put so bluntly lol it kind of felt like little stabs reading what some of you wrote – but all for the good. I needed to hear it.

And why I put up with it? I keep thinking that it’s the only way to keep our family together, and to keep his family from talking, but I guess I need to stop making excuses and take the first step for myself before even trying to make the hubby take that step.

I wonder what would the reaction be if I mentioned that the pastor gave an hour long sermon on why praying for the dead is useless and not biblical…

And I know I DO need to remember my obligations to attend mass and receive the sacraments, but there are days when I’m glad I go to dh’s church if only to discuss it later with him and tell him the errors in the sermon.

Thanks again for the advice everyone. So far, after reading all the great advice, we’ve made plans to go Mass this Sunday.

Pray it’s not the last.


#13

I suggest you got a copy of
"The Truth", “The Mass Explained” and “Confession” from The Reason For Our Hope Foundation. There are many other CDs that the foundation has that are VERY good.

And sorry we were all so blunt, but we love you.


#14

forgot to mention…

to IslandOak, yes I’m still on Visitor status. I’ve been a “visitor” for the past 6 years.

And I appreciate you bring up the question of if I’m scared to defend my faith.

The answer to that would be no – not in my own house. At home I teach my son Catechism and have in depth talks with dh about.

It’s his family/church I’m scared to death of. Especially they all still treat me as a kid who has yet to learn, and I mean “kid” literally.

Last I checked, 27 was considered an adult no?

For everyone else who can’t understand why I’ve continued to go, it’s hard to explain if you haven’t grown up in a Samoan family.

Well I guess I’ll leave it at that.

Thanks again all.

I know (kind of) what I need to do now.

love and blessings:)


#15

hey thanks, I just got the chance to look at the links. I might order “The Mass Explained.” That’s exactly what dh always says – tells me Mass is boring!

Thanks again!

p.s. and I love you all too for the bluntness…tough love eh?


#16

the April Catholic Digest had a column from the lady who answers readers’ questions, and it also had to do with a lady who remarried someone she thought she knew well, but turns out he forbids her to practice her Catholic faith, and insists she attend his own church. One of the reasons reader gave for putting up with the situation was “fear of hurting his feelings, and those of his family, and his pastor.” The advice lady was, I think, right on the mark, when she said this is one time someone else’s feelings are the last thing that should be considered. In this couple’s case of, course the situation bordered on emotional abuse, and the advisor also dealt with that, but she helped the reader put into perspective the concern for what other people think, say, do or feel, next to her own well-being and spiritual danger. that might be on-line, I don’t know, but I thought point was well stated.


#17

Always remember that there is nothing at all like the Catholic Mass. In the Mass Jesus Christ gives us His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity to us in the Eucharist.

Stand tall in your beliefs, and pray to the Holy Spirit for the wisdom and strength you need to not be intimidated by your relatives.

How much one moves, or claps, has absolutely nothing at all to do with how much of the Lord’s grace they have in their soul.

Peace to you…


#18

As someone who attends a charismatic/pentecostal church, I think that kind of comment is inappropriate regardless. People worship God in many different ways, and to say something like that is just ridiculous. I hope this all works out for you.


#19

One other thing (other than the “Get thee to Mass!!” advice):

If you feel like an outsider at this service, isn’t that GOOD? Isn’t that because you ARE an outsider among them? Wouldn’t “blending in” indicate an acceptance of their doctrines that you don’t have?

Remember, Jesus was an outsider, too. I can’t imagine Him trying to fit in with the Pharisees to smooth things over.

Anyway, go to Mass! :thumbsup:


#20

Dear sister in Jesus.
It seems like you already know what to do, don’t you? You should be where your heart is. I say with the others… come to Mass and receive the Lord in the Eucharist. (not because you go to hell otherwise (if you think like that you become a calculating religious according to the old law) but because you love the Eucharistic Lord). It sounds like you are really longing to be somewhere else than in this pentecostal church of your husband and that your spirituality is not understood by the pastor there… Understandable that you are upset since you feel the pastor critizises you. You should not put up with that… Some churches, both Catholic and Evangelical have pastors that dont have their prioities or faith right and put undue weight on exterior things…
About that I would say… Tell that pastor that you are a Catholic inside, why that is, and that you indeed love the Lord and that its not right of him to say you have to make a show to prove it. He needs to hear it. It might humble him.
I for one also attend a pentecostal church quite often out of my happy free will: they never said anything bad about the Catholic Church…never, nor did they ever say such remarks as that pastor… although the service is more expressive.
But I and some of my friends had the problem in some Catholic parishes here that the priest would fuss over people that want to receive the communion by the mouth, who bowed when receiving the Lord, or when people knelt “too much” or prayed “too much” in Church after Mass… some of us have been really treated quite badly by such priests that told us we were too radical and we should be careful we did not turn fanatics.
One priest said from the pulpit that there is no such thing as demons… I felt very heavy when I walked up to him after that and asked him to confirm that this was really his belief… He looked at me with scorn and expressed that it was only to be expected that I’d stick my nose into this perfectly fine exegesis… oh my! :bigyikes: And once after a healing service that I told him about where a lot of people got healed he said: “its just bogus all of it”, and then he turned on his foot and left. :frowning:
Then it has sometimes been a fantastic relief for me to come to the Pentecostal services because thats more my style but that does not mean giving up on the Sacraments…
Some people here(on the thread) express that they certainly dont need other christians’ services and imply that Jesus is only “home with us”… needless to say I disagree with that stance. I have met many fine Catholics who were greatly inspired by sometimes going to other churches.

But however difficult it has been I have tried to let my priests know when they discriminated… However… its sometimes very difficult for people in authority positions to accept criticism… and its probably the same in that pentecostal church you attend.
One question that bugs me:
Does your husband not care that you are being targeted by the pastor in this unpleasant way??

this got a bit long… just wanna let you know that these unpleasant things take place everywhere and you are not alone…
:hug1:


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.