Catholic Marriage (Finally!) in Late 40's


#1

Like many couples we are middle-age Catholics and "living together." This is primarily for economic reasons, but not without a foundation of love. I reintroduced my fiance to his Catholic faith and we're on fire, so on fire we want to pursue a Catholic marriage and are ready to go through the instruction. Before we approach our priest with the honest fact we're cohabitating, how badly is it frowned upon to be living together during this process of marriage preparation?


#2

I am no expert but I don't think the fact that you are co-habitating for financial reasons is the real problem. If you are engaging in sex outside of marriage that would be the problem. I think living in the same place in different rooms might be acceptable to save money. At the same time, don't let anything hold you back from returning to the Church. Go talk to the priest. It is not he who judges you and God is loving and merciful. The best thing is to simply go and find out what you need to do to get back into the grace of God and to return to be married in the Church.


#3

[quote="omgosh1962, post:1, topic:251756"]
Like many couples we are middle-age Catholics and "living together." This is primarily for economic reasons, but not without a foundation of love. I reintroduced my fiance to his Catholic faith and we're on fire, so on fire we want to pursue a Catholic marriage and are ready to go through the instruction. Before we approach our priest with the honest fact we're cohabitating, how badly is it frowned upon to be living together during this process of marriage preparation?

[/quote]

cohabiting: to live together as husband and wife, usually without legal or religious sanction.
Are you in fact cohabiting or are you living at the same place?


#4

[quote="omgosh1962, post:1, topic:251756"]
. Before we approach our priest with the honest fact we're cohabitating, how badly is it frowned upon to be living together during this process of marriage preparation?

[/quote]

welcome home

Objectively of course it is a mortal sin to live together without benefit of marriage. You are well on your way to rectifying that situation so see the priest and follow his advice. He might very well advise separating until your marriage takes place, for the good of your souls. If you have minor children at home obviously that is not the best option, so he might also advise "living as brother and sister" in the meantime, also for the good of your soul, both of these for the good of your marriage. We can't give personal advice, those are general statements. See the priest together, and separately so he can counsel you in manner respecting your own personal spiritual and pastoral needs.


#5

[quote="puzzleannie, post:4, topic:251756"]
welcome home

Objectively of course it is a mortal sin to live together without benefit of marriage.

[/quote]

Does the Church really teach that it is objectively a mortal sin for a man and woman to live together, even if they are living as "brother and sister?"


#6

Actually, your situation is quite common, even among some mid-life Catholics.

A couple we know, one is Catholic and her live-in male "partner" is not Catholic.
After they went to a priest to discuss their situation, the priest advised them to live
together like brother and sister (no intimacy and seperate bedrooms), or he said they
would need to stop co-habiting, and get serious about a moral future together.
They did begin to live like brother and sister :shrug:, and now one is converting to becoming a Catholic.

The priest is going to marry them in the not-too-distant future in a Catholic ceremony.
At least there is a good and moral outcome to this true story.:rolleyes:
God Bless you and your's.


#7

Well my husband and I were married civilly and living together (We married civilly first because we had three weeks notice before we found out he was being stationed cross country and my sister could only come to our church wedding during the summer because she is a missionary and we wanted her to be able to be there.) , we started the preparations as soon as we moved, and our Priest was very understanding of our situation. I was already baptized and everything, but not confirmed because I was raised a Protestant, and I was even able to get confirmed with my husband as my sponsor, so we could have a full mass wedding. I really had no problems with the process, we weren't condemned or anything. So I wouldn't worry about it.

I pray that the Lord will bless you in your marriage!


#8

[quote="Warrior1979, post:5, topic:251756"]
Does the Church really teach that it is objectively a mortal sin for a man and woman to live together, even if they are living as "brother and sister?"

[/quote]

OP clearly states "cohabiting" so that is the question I answered, using the common meaning of that term in our culture.


#9

I feel I might have missed something here. The way I read this you are both catholic, you are living together (and I assume having sexual relations) before marriage. Is that correct? I'm a relatively new revert myself, but isn't that a clear mortal sin? I know a lot of people do it, but isn't it against the 6th commandment? IMHO a good priest would advise stopping relations at least until you married--no different than it would be for a young couple. I know my own parish priest wouldn't say anything though and many probably don't. :shrug:


#10

[quote="omgosh1962, post:1, topic:251756"]
Like many couples we are middle-age Catholics and "living together." This is primarily for economic reasons, but not without a foundation of love. I reintroduced my fiance to his Catholic faith and we're on fire, so on fire we want to pursue a Catholic marriage and are ready to go through the instruction. Before we approach our priest with the honest fact we're cohabitating, how badly is it frowned upon to be living together during this process of marriage preparation?

[/quote]

Welcome Home! Cohabitating could be a problem in your marriage preparation. One of you may have to move out until after the wedding. The best thing is to consult with a priest, be honest about your situation and living arrangements, and follow his instructions.


closed #11

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