Catholic Men


#1

So I’m having a bit of a problem. I can’t seem to find Catholic men worthy of respect. I’m single, 23, and pretty settled/confident in who I am as a person. I have found several nominally Catholic men who are quite manly and respectable, and probably better people than most “good Catholics.” I refuse to date someone who can’t share my faith because I want my sons to have a good role model for a dad. The problem is that the Catholics I find are either not good people, or completely unable to command any respect. I’ll admit I’m a fairly tough woman and I can be take-charge, but that’s only because I’ve been through hell and learned to do so. Am I being too picky? Should I allow myself to fall in love with someone who might never share my faith and just accept it? It feels like I’m constantly making the choice between good man and Catholic man, and ne’er the twain shall meet. I should also mention that I have trouble respecting in a relationship way men who can’t take a hit physically or mentally/emotionally. I want someone who can fight beside me instead of cowering behind, you know?

*note: I tried catholicmatch and have an account, but I can’t get a good read on people through the internet. I can’t fall for someone I don’t feel like I know.


#2

I can’t figure out how to edit my post, so I’ll just add here that I don’t mean to sound super condescending. I am also not the only one who has noticed this problem. Is wanting a man who can actually lead me in faith and be a partner in life so crazy?


#3

Yeah, good Catholic men are few and far between, I must say. (I’m a single 20 year old woman.) Unfortunately, I’ve sometimes seen a discrepancy between some guys’ outward practice of their faith and how they treat others. It confuses me immensely. Maybe they’re working really hard on it…

That said, I def do know some truly good Catholic guys who would be legitimate husband material. I’ve met them at slightly more obscure Catholic events, like daily Mass and Bible studies. Maybe check out those sorts of venues (not merely for the guys, of course! :wink: )


#4

You wanting to have a partner in life is not crazy at all. I think it is very natural.

As for finding someone who shares your faith, I think that is admirable. Not everyone who is Catholic (or any religion, for that matter) is good and vice versa. Also, if you do find a good Catholic man to date, it is probably a good idea to make sure that the two of you share the same amount of devotion to your faith.

Are there volunteer opportunities at your parish that you can get involved in? Are there any activities for your age group?


#5

I’m 23 and single too! Do you like drug-addicted, egomaniacal medical students by any chance? jk

but to answer part of your question, you shouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t share your fundamental beliefs, so definitely don’t date non-Catholic men imo. that will prob lead to major conflict down the road (and early on).


#6

Men do not show their heart on their sleeve. You may come from America where momism has pampered down many men’s natural masculinity to show a possible plastic political correctness. Be patient; you have youth on your side. Show your faith yourself in all your personal interactions… there is nothing more sexy to a good man than a good woman. I would suggest you might say a novena to find a strong man. This may sound very old fashioned but it has been known to achieve results.
Single men often do not socialise well. Seems strange but you don’t often find the good ones at the bars and clubs. Previous suggestions of Catholic events are wise. However, many good Catholic men are not always pious in this manner.
Sometimes just living and enjoying every aspect of your life works in that you may well fall over a good one in your travels. I don’t know any woman who does not scan a group and put men in boxes of eligible or not. Nothing abnormal about that. But don’t make it the goal of your immediate happiness. A woman who obviously enjoys life even in a quiet way is most infectious in their attractiveness.
Just a word to the wise. Most real men do not like a bossy woman. A strong woman on the other hand who has their back when they are down are gems. However, a woman who wishes to lead…
Our Lady surely knows the heart of a woman. Pray to her, she is a most generous mother and has friends in high places…


#7

Prayer, and its various forms, will never become old fashioned.

Definitely. :thumbsup: One of the factors in my parents separating was my mother vying for top dog of the household, rebelling against her feminine nature.

It’s strange how an increasing number of female persons try to be more like men. Satan’s working overtime; he’s always attempting to disrupt the natural system God has imparted upon the Earth and its populace. :sad_yes:


#8

Sister Jane Dominic O.P.

"Openness to the mystery of God to lead us away from selfishness. To allow love to be definitive. What good is our marriage vows if they do not cost us anything? In marriage we give what we don’t even have to give- our future. Marriage is the mystery of the limit. God ( who is love ) teaches us the limit. He embraced the limit our human nature In His incarnet limit which had a limit of suffering on the cross to brings with Him into the limitless into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love.

We imitate the way He loves by follow in His footsteps with our wedding vows, “'this one for all my life”. There by in embracing the limit we find entry into the limitless.

Marriage draws us out of ourselves. Those in heaven neither marry nor are given in marriage. This does not mean that your spouse is no longer important to you because it is your spouse who helped you to grow out of that selfish love. Your love was transformed & so in fact you’ll have an even more tender, purified, & deeper love for your spouse. That love will be transformed & taken in most perfectly & completely into Divine Love."

When love seeks to be definitive to the end it embraces the limit. And God himself who is love, he comes to teach us this mystery of loving in the limit. He embraced the limit of our human nature in the incarnation. The limit of suffering on the cross. He was nailed to it died on it. All to bring us with him Into the limitless. Into the horizon of eternity across the threshold of divine love. So we imitate his way of loving we imitate the one who is love … How … By following in his footsteps to embrace the limit into the limitless.

The measure of love is this, the amount of responsibility one takes for the beloved is the measure of love. A husband takes responsibility for his wife, for children; protects & provides. A wife takes responsibility for her husband, her children; nurtures & supports. God takes responsibility for us. He created us. Fell in love with us. Called us to love as he loves. When he turned away he came to suffer & die for us & to redeem us. He continues this work of redemption; this work of love everyday in the Eucharist and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Celebrated from the rise of the sun to it’s setting. He is here right now for us in the Eucharist in all the tabernacles of the world. He will be here for us until the end of time.

Glory be to the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit. As it was in the begging is now & ever shall be world without end. Amen


#9

As a bloke in late middle age and not yet married as I am slow, I say you are spot on.

At 23 you are by comparison with today’s standards, ahead of the game.

It’s essential to seek God to place the right people under our noses, I think, by whatever means.

As for those of us who are “nominal” and especially if we have a good heart, how precious it is when our friends are willing to go on a journey of exploration into more detailed truths together.

The context of man or woman hunting very good in itself, so I have been told and can imagine, should be a bunch of singles and married couples together, non-competing, uplifting each other in prayer and seeking God’s intervention in their lives together.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.


#10

I had high standards and married at 23 but to a Christian, who is now Catholic but that took 30 years. Met in college, met his family and how he treated his parents. I admit he didnt ‘mature’ in his faith until his 40’s, hence, why he is Catholic.

We are mentoring a few 30-something year old eligible bachelors, one has come back for confession, one I am happy to say is discerning vocation. Network with Catholic families. My dad met my mom after the war, his cousin new my mom’s sister and brought them together.


#11

:twocents:

Could be.

FWIW, from a Catholic Man who has been off the market for 30 years, so whatever

tee


#12

Thank you all for your answers. You have given me much to think about.


#13

I notice a lot of I wants and I needs in your post.

What do you have to offer the Catholic man you want? Maybe good Catholic men are passing over you.

Instead of making a laundry list of your demands, learn to be open to God’s will. He knows what you need better than you do.


#14

A priest recommended looking for men in the confession line because it’s a good indication he’s working on virtue.

I suggest going to the FSSP seminary in Nebraska and waiting for the men to discern out.


#15

The idea makes sense, but if I was a standing in confession line and a woman came over and started flirting with me, I probably wouldn’t think she knew what was going on.


#16

You don’t do that. You look for potential men and then seek them out on Sunday.

My dad also recommended driving your car into a snow bank and when some attractive guy comes along to push you out, to offer to take him out for coffee to repay him. This will also weed out the Mornons, as they won’t go out for coffee.


#17

Have you looked into a Catholic Young Adult Ministry in your diocese? Often they go by names like: Theology On Tap (and serve an adult beverage or two to the attendees), or Mass and Pizza, etc. Here is a link to the diocese ministry in my diocese:

yampgh.org/

See if your diocese has something similar.


#18

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


#19

The comment about only Catholic men being eligible left me shaking my head.

While I have had more than enough experience with people marrying non-Catholics (relatives included), on Tuesday during RCIA, one of the sponsors talked about how she had met a guy, and was really torn between how much she wanted to marry him, and how much she had a bottom line that her spouse had to be Catholic.

She finally had a “come to Jesus” type of conversation with him about the conflict. All out in the open, no holds barred.

They got married; he converted (his background had been somewhat, shall we say, of multiple churches), and they are long married and happy. And the clinker was that his mother was upstairs, saying her Baptist- based prayers they would get married.

And not all marriages end up the same way; I have a number of Catholic cousins who married women stronger in their faith then my cousins were in being Catholic, and they no longer practice.

The bottom line is that if you find a good one, someone who loves Christ, and treats you like a woman and not a possession, you need to have that “come to Jesus” meeting. They may, or may not convert; but if they truly respect you (which is a really basic requirement in any marriage), they will not work to subvert you. And if they are not able to deal with your Catholicity, then question answered.


#20

I agree with those that say seek a Catholic partner (note the seek).

Disagreements about religion and how to raise the child in the faith (note: you are required to raise the child Catholic even if the father is not) is a common source of divorce.

If you want a man who reflect’s and encompasses your own morals, I’d say stick with the Catholic’s.


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