As the title reads. Like seemingly most people, the area of morality I have struggled with the most has been in the area of sexuality. I fought self-abuse and pornography use and have been able to fight these off for several weeks at a time.
But there always seems to be some way that my sexual energy gets out otherwise. No matter how much I pray, I find myself looking at pictures of women in bikinis, or sometimes I’ll tell my fiancee all the things I want (“marital relations”) after we get married. All of these things seem mortally sinful and not like something I am capable of completely erasing from myself.
It seems like my personality is incompatible with what God wants out of me, and that Hell is pretty much inevitable. So what’s even the point of pretending to want to please God if my base desires are so disordered and antithetical to what pleases Him? All that happens is that I struggle with my thoughts, a bunch of grumpy Catholics bark at me about how I have complete control of who I am and what/how I think, when in reality they have no clue about how difficult this all is for me, and I’m left trying to pray in the dark.
I don’t know if I can go on like this.