Catholic Singles more Secular than I thought?


I figured I start this post, because I was away from that last post for so…4 pages, thanks for the info.

But I ALSO wanted to re-iterate, that I have noticed that the Catholic faith, in this group of people…that Catholics…to me…seem to be the MOST secular of all the faiths…I could be wrong about this, because this is something I’ve noticed.

There’s this group of people I know that kind of like to get out and party a bit, sometimes get a bit tipsy (I’m not much of a drinker anyways, nor a partier)

A couple of women I met in this group, one was married, and I guess was out with her other Catholic single friend and was out dancing with other men (quite provacatively) heck, I thought she was single because of that reason…we were talking, and I mentioned in her profile online she had a picture with the regional bishop, and she said, “Yes, that was my kid’s confirmation day” and one of them teaches VBS. Heck I thought I posted this part before, not sure.

Anyhow, this is just something I’ve noticed among Catholic SINGLES at least…is this common.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, some of these people are nice to hang out with, I mean I’m not perfect either…but I’m that sub-culture nerds that plays video games and can’t get a girlfriend…instead of going out and getting wasted every Sat night. lol.


Hah. Hello from another nerd then. I’m actually deeply involved in nerdship. Problems finding women in the nerdy environment are a bad thing, but the fact many women are put off by a nerd is actually a good thing. I’m a nerd on many levels. If that crosses me out instantly in a woman’s book, that’s quite good because better now than later and it’s not like I’m going to change. Don’t you think the same? :wink:

As for Catholics being the most secular Christians. Maybe. But remember that we have proper clergy, while Protestants put a lot of emphasis on universal priesthood, while not having proper sacramental clergy. I would say sometimes Catholics fall out of touch, but it’s also true that Catholics know how to be lay people.

No problem dancing, but obviously, provocative dancing is not something I would like my wife to be doing, if I were married. Sometimes I’m a bit unnerved by the way Catholics seem to “disagree with the Church” on this or that. On the other hand, remember that other denominations tend to reject Catholic teachings on sexual morality. I suppose there are such Protestant denominations where it’s bad to dance provocatively but it’s okay to have premarital sex. :wink: You could actually have people deeply involved in ministries and worship and still having premarital sex because the faith doesn’t ban it. I find that unnerving.

Personally, I believe if you’re going to think about the future with that woman, you’d better get to know her a great lot, without making assumptions based on faith. You never know what kind of things people believe in until you’ve got to know them for real. I can’t possibly see myself marrying even a Catholic woman after a short period of dating/going out/whatever. And much less so a non-Catholic.


You also have to take into account the wide range of formation in the Catholic church today. There are very few people who have been brought up with a solid understanding of what the church teaches. If you haven’t been, it might take a while to make certain connections between faith, morals, and daily life. For example, when i was younger (and ignorant of many aspects of the faith) I would have probably been one of the ones hanging out at the bar and acting less than virtuous. As my formation improved, I realized how my guardian angel must have suffered with my previous lifestyle choices!


A lot of this has to do with not only the group of people you are with, but also where you live.

Actually, I was thinking about this the other day, and I feel I am very blessed to be part of a parish that is not overwhelmed with mostly secular-minded people.

Before I was Catholic, I was raised in a denomination and this particular denomination was very secular. All of our meetings, hanging out, everything. There were some people that were sincere, but for the most part, it was troubling because the mindset was very secular.

But there again, it surely is not like that everywhere in that denomination.


Spend some time hanging out in one of the “liberal” Protestant churches, and you’ll change your mind… (my aunt’s church, which will remain nameless, comes to mind here…)

Also, “Catholic” is a cultural identification…not just a religious identification…so people who would have just left other denominations will stay in the Catholic church, because they identify with it culturally.


Catholic singles do not have any corner on the market when it comes to embracing secular culture in inappropriate ways. Second Baptist in Houston, TX has some of the wildest, meat market singles groups you will ever find-- all under the banner of their “bible study groups”. These people party-- and sleep around.

Certainly not ALL of them are like this-- but players know to go to “2nd” for the singles action. I’m sure the pastor, Dr. Ed Young, who is truly a godly man in no way condones some of the behavior that goes on outside of church.

So, no, it’s not “just” Catholics. It’s young people in general, and young people attracted to “singles” activities in particular, who exhibit this type of behavior.

Go pray at an abortion clinic, you’ll meet an entirely different young, single Catholic crowd.


At any rate, we’ll all agree that secularism in women is depressing, won’t we? :smiley:


don’t change a thing
we urged our daughters to date and marry nerds–band nerds, engineering geeks, whatever–they did and they have, to our great joy. from their early dating history I would not have thought my --good Catholic–daughters would have recognized a good man if they saw one walking down the street, but they surprised us by choosing nerd poster children, whom we love dearly and whom are great Catholic husbands and fathers.

okay back to your regularly scheduled thread. I have no business lurking here, working on 40 years of marriage, but I get such a kick seeing how same old is still same old on the dating and romance scene.


Find a new group of friends. I am a Catholic Single and don’t conduct myself in this fashion. Neither do my Catholic single friends.


I agree with puzzleannie!! I’m a HUGE nerd :thumbsup: (sorry guys, married to another nerd)… lol
nothing wrong with being a nerd.


Perhaps I am a bit crazy, but, just because someone has a cocktail or goes dancing they are secular? We are not Southern Baptists :slight_smile: Drinking or dancing in moderation, what is so un-Catholic about that?

If you are a Catholic who chooses not to have a drink or to dance, well, then by all means do not. Some of the most devount orthodox Catholics I know do like to go listen to a good band, have a beer and dance.


I’m a Catholic single and know better than to hang out at bars. And yeah, I think there are a lot of Catholic singles who act secular since they follow the lead of the people around them.

As I continue in my Catholic walk, I don’t want to do what all the guys around me are doing. I had an opportunity to date a very nice Christian young lady who was committed to her faith. Things didn’t work out for other reasons.

In the 1960s, dinner and a movie was OK. Now, there’s practically no reason to go the movies anymore. Modesty was valued. No sex before marriage, and no provocative anything.

I’ve watched the Catholic community gradually change in my area over the last 30 years, from practicing their faith outwardly in the community daily and going to Church, to a gradual disintegration where the world convinced them that a lot of things Catholics believed were bad are now “OK.” Yes, I was distracted by the world for a while, but now I understand through the power of the Holy Spirit that very little is going on in the outside world that is consistent with my beliefs, I don’t see the point of dating.

Unless I find a woman who believes and is walking that narrow path that avoids the sinful and decadent things of the world as it is today, I’ll stay single.

So, if you’re looking for someone, pray to God. And look in those places where you are more likely to find someone who shares your beliefs: Church events, Catholic social service/volunteer groups and among Catholic friends and family.

God bless,


Amen to that, Ed. I’ve signed up with AveMariaSingles and have been very impressed by the faith of many of the men who have profiles there. I’m only looking for that one man God created for me and me for him, but it’s encouraging to know that there are other orthodox men of God in the world. It’s a good and beautiful thing.



I’ll tell you something. Nothing wrong dancing or getting a beer. In fact, it’s not like beer’s the only thing Catholics drink. However, these days, popular bars and clubs don’t really look Catholic-friendly. It’s extremely hard to find a club with normal music you can dance to normally (one hand behind the girl, the other twined). As for the morality of what goes on… well. You know as well as I do, I guess. Sometimes it really feels like it makes no point going. After all, won’t I be back in a worse mood than when I left? And can’t neglect temptations. General relaxation of boundaries rubs off pretty well.

At the same time I most certainly want what we call, “a girl for the dance and for the rosary,” in loose translation from Polish.

As for nerdship… What if you’re a computer and internet geek (using and coding, assembling if hardware), a classics geek, a history geek, a fantasy geek and a roleplaying geek at the same time? :smiley: And a lawyer. :smiley: Come on, no one can put up with that. :smiley:


I think it depends on where you live and the parish you belong to. I’ve belonged to parishes with young adult/singles groups were less than orthodox and others that were plenty orthodox (with a few heterodox types mixed in) and, some individuals (no groups in this case) that were more Catholic than the Pope. Even the orthodox group went out for dinner or cocktails but most gatherings were in a member’s home or at church for fellowship or an evening of recollection. I was more comfortable with the orthodox group. Even when we went out I felt okay because this group was unlikely to do/promote something sinful.

Do you have options as far as parishes or diocesan? I don’t, so I know it happens. In that case you have to get creative and look harder for Catholic friends. I have more non-Catholic friends (married ones, too) now than I ever have because of where I live.

I don’t know how old you are but my experience is that the more mature the group is the more room there is for different types.


Hey, I’m a computer geek, history geek, role-playing geek and I know it’s possible to find a woman, but like another poster wrote: it’s hard to find a place where you hold the other person while dancing, and too many places where the lack of values is hard to rub off.

Most of the songs I grew up with talked about love or fun and pleasant things, now it’s gangsta all da way. Drugs, killing, disrespecting women and everything is X-Treme. There was a time when a “party” had a beginning, a middle and an end. And some restraint was shown by most people. “Alright mister, you’ve had enough. Time to go home!” “Good night, gentlemen. We all have to get up for work tomorrow.”

Normal life. You can still have it but there are fewer people who want it, so be careful.

God bless,


Don’t be so sure! The very thought makes me swoon! I have always liked nerds. Problem is, I’m a nerd, too. :smiley:


As a former Evangelical woman (now turned Catholic), I was always under the impression that all Catholics were secular! And when I was not living up to my own Evangelical standards, it seemed to be the *Catholic men *who were my fall from grace, but I guess they just were the ones around at the times I was not being very Christian, although they didn’t seem to mind.

What I’m trying to get at is this: you are going to find Catholics in various walks of faith, from all the way on the secular end, to all the way on the orthodox end, and everything in between. And of course, you will find the same in every Protestant and Evangelical denomination also. They just know how to hide it better. :wink:

So don’t give up, true orthodoxy is going to be rarer no matter where you are and you can’t give up your standards, just pray and be on the lookout for a likeminded mate! There are Catholic women out there who are in the same confusing boat as you, asking the same questions.

I was actually looking on the CatholicSingles website today for the first time and was surprised to see how many men in my agegroup were there, but disappointed in how few sounded genuine in their faith. :frowning:

Maybe I’ll head over to AveMaria and check them out. Just to see what’s going on, you know. :wink:


Hello All,

My problem is that the functions that i have gone to at my Parish, are made up of families or the old.

i work under the Archdiocese, there are very few Catholics that work in my building. Those that are… well lets just say that most lunch room talk is not very clean. i find even being young, that i am embarrassed and need to leave. i then go outside and read.

i have always seem to have to do that. While in school i would go to the parties, but never could stay.

i always seemed to be comfortable in Church.

i would be afraid to go on-line dating. i am afraid of dating. i do not do drugs, will not have sex without marrage. i am just plan weird, i guess. i pray to God to send me someone that He wants me to date. My family is very upset with me that i have not married. i do not think that my standards are too high. i would not want to date but only a Catholic. We would have that love in common as well.



You are not weird! You seem to have a very informed conscience and sensitive spirit as to what will please God in living your life, this is a wonderful thing!

This can feel very lonely though, especially when living in a secular society such as ours. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone, even if at times it seems so. :frowning: We are all asked to pick up our crosses daily and follow Christ, this is one of our crosses; one day God may choose to remove this cross from your life, in the mean time, offer it to Him, He will use it for your spiritual good.

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