I’m a 23 year old guy, raised Catholic but didn’t believe until I was 21 when I resumed attending Mass weekly and have been since. My family is the best anyone could ask for, decent, caring, always enough money to provide everything for me, but in high school my friends were pretty bad influences (not blaming them, my choices were my own) and our main activity was drug use: lots of weed, alcohol, LSD and shrooms, mdma and cocaine sometimes. It was pretty messed up for our age.
I tried hydrocodone at age 18. This is the one that hooked me and I’ve used opiates daily in cycles of months at a time since then. Oxy, norco, poppy tea, oral morphine, basically every opioid but heroin (only b/c I’d have to shoot or snort it). I’ve done bad things to get these drugs in sufficient quantities: lied to and manipulated doctors, lied to my parents, even stolen money from their bank accounts many times (stealing from your own parents feels profoundly terrible btw). I did this all the way through college, and I’m now a 2nd year med student and still at it even though drug charges would destroy my future. I keep shady contacts and deal with dangerous people to score pills. I’ve been through terrible withdrawals several times, but always go back for more. I can’t deal with the boredom, apathy, and depression of sobriety, and always start using after like 2-3 months. I’m too afraid to tell anyone my secret b/c I don’t want to risk getting searched and charged.
TL;DR: I’m an incorrigible opiate junkie: is drug abuse itself mortal sin?, what does this say about my salvation considering I’m enslaved to this sin?