so through my experience, ì’ve come up with my own thoughts about having a disability. I want to make sure they’re compatible with Catholicism though because that is an important thing to me. not all Christians view things the same so it can get a bit confusing
sorry for this being a bit long but I have to include a bit of my story
I was born completely blind and my parents really had a hard time adjusting to it. my mom especially. she`s Chinese and in their culture, God doesn’t really exist. so disability is viewed as something pretty shameful and dishonourable. she eeven admits now that if she has known at the time, she probably would have had an abortion. so thanks the lord that the knowledge was kept from everyone
growing up with a disability, you don’t really notice anything is wrong. the first few years of my life, no matter how many times my parents tried to explain it to me. I just didn’t really get it. I couldn’t figure out the difference between seeing and not seeing. so I tried to do everything that kids do and succeeded for the most part, probably with some extra bumps and bruises, but pretty much ok. my parents value independence so that is at least a gift they gave me, all other problems aside.
and then school starts. and everything changed. I was suddenly thrust in to this world with a whole bunch of other people and no one seemed to understand. it suddenly seemed like I was like an alien to everyone.mmy first kindergarten teacher refused to have me in her class so the other one decided to take me on. she was a very nice elderly lady who had a blind uncle in the past so she understood a bit at least. but other kids didn’t want to be my friend. and they always seemed awkward around me. but if kids don’t understand, it’s ok, I mean I get that. what’s even worse is that many parents encouraged it. some would pull their kids away from me, or tell them not to be my friend or excluded me from being invited to birthdays or other get togethers.
so I spent most of my childhood wondering exactly why I was here. we didn’t go to church much; my dad was raised catholic but didn’t practice much. so we usually ended up floating around various protestant church that my mom’s friends would invite her to. so I had a vague idea about god and I starting begging him to take the blindness away, I would have given anything tto be ‘normal’. I just wanted everyone to like me. well, obviously, that never happened. I continued to be alone, for the most part. I had kids who tried to be my friend, but it was hard for them. other kids would make fun of them for playing with me and they felt a lot of pressure because of that.
then I reached high school. I was so tired of the life I had. I knew something needed to change. we finally started going back to catholic church after a big issue happened at home. my understand of God deepened and I realized something. that even if no one else liked me, Jesus did. and if my only motivation was to be healed just to be liked, it wasn’t going to happen. I relize it now. that if someone only loved when I could see, and can’t love when I don’t have sight, then they don’t really love me at all. and if I even got my vision back today, it’s a question I will always be asking myself. every new person I met, I would always wonder, would they have been my friend if I still had the disability? it’s a good way for god to remove people in my life that I may not necessarily need.