Catolics are constantly JUDGEMENTAL!


I’m a catholic. I’ve technically been my whole life, though I spent my formative years in a church that tried to break from Rome.

Last week, I could not attend mass due to a medical condition (asthma) and that it fell on a Holy Day the church used incense…no priest was willing to make accommodations. I went to two very liberal, very secularized parishes only to find that they, too, were using it. Fine, I get it. I made a great effort (and was assisted) to try to attend several masses with no avail.

And people still try to tell me I didn’t make enough effort.:confused:

This weekend was a disaster of all time. I headed to a 4:30 mass only to find that the priest was ill and there was no mass at that parish. I went to a 5pm mass only to get there at the closing song…despite both the Internet and the bulletin the parish decided NOT to observe daylight savings time. :rolleyes: So I missed mass yet again. Today I got up and decided to go to mass at the parish with perpetual adoration. I planned to be wicked early and stop by adoration. I got there at ten after only to find out that Mass was at 10am not 10:30. So, I had a choice…stay or jump and my car and speed two towns over where they have and 11, wait until 5 and go to the Spanish Mass, or go in…I could hear them start up the Gospel Alleluia so I decided to stay. I was there for the FULL Gospel.

At communion time this guy reaches over and says “You were late, you shouldn’t receive”. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!:mad: I was there before the gospel, anyway, and this guy knew it.

After word, I went to the Adoration chapel and sat for a while 10 or 15 minutes. Then I REALLY wanted to hear the “Litany of Saints” which I have on my cheepie MP3 player. So I get the thing on and its QUIET…I can barley hear it…and this old lady taps me on the shoulder and tells me, “Young lady this is time for SILENT Adoration, not to be listening to pop music!”:eek:

I’m frustrated beyond belief.

The only decent parish I know is 1 hour away and I just can’t afford the drive every week.


I am so sorry you have had to deal with that. I’ve just started exploring my Catholic faith and I must tell you every one I have met has been kind to me and so very supportive. I would attend different Masses until you find one that seems best to you, and not let those who have to feel superior to others bother you. Remember that you are there for Christ and think of Him, and let the smug go their own way. I will be praying for you. Feel free to private message me if ever you want to or need to talk. :slight_smile:


“This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day.” (John 6:39)


Wow… people who are all holier-than-thou drive me insane.

To the man at mass you should have asked for a quote from catechism supporting his false assumption. And from the lady at adoration you should have ignored her with a shhhhh I’m praying the litany of the saints.

Don’t let them bother you. As Jesus says, people who act all self-righteous have recieved their reward. All catholics are NOT like them. Not in the least.:o


I’m sorry you had such a frustrating day. I think you’re attendance and choices at Mass are between you and God.

I would like to let you know that I think your idea of listening to, and I assume praying along with, the Litany of the Saints at Adoration is a great idea – and as someone who likes the quiet time (I am a regular guardian at 11 pm) I appreciate your quiet use of your MP3. I’ve been meaning to get one for other reasons and this might push me over to action.

Try to remember that God is still present and active in the less than decent parishes!

Peace –


Seek Him and you shall find. All who seek find.


People are judgmental. For our part we just need to keep our focus on God. I like this verse from John 12:42-43:

**Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. **


As St. Teresa of Avila put it,

"“Lord, spare me from sour-faced saints”.




Isn’t this being judgmental, as well: “Catolics are constantly JUDGEMENTAL!!!”


Hi purple, :wave:

Let me just say you have been doing all the right things - and you are not at fault. God sees that you’re struggling to meet Him as much as possible in your life…and He’s proud of your efforts. :slight_smile: Please, don’t let these barriers disrupt the relationship you and Our Lord share…as St. Rose of Lima said, “Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace. The gift of grace increases as the struggle increases.” :slight_smile:



I’ve lived here for over a year. There are 80 parishes in a 45 minute radius. I’ve been to 30+. There’s three types. The nearly Latin type that constantly use incense, and I therefore, can’t attend.

The “decent” parishes who, unfortunately, often have elderly or ill priests and Masses get canceled frequently. Some do have younger priests who are good, but they were rather unwelcoming…and when I inquired about young adult groups, I have been told “we already run a parish school, young adults need to realize that that is the parish asset, not some club for them to hang out in.”

The horrid liberal parishes (a majority)…who change the order of mass, use improper sacramentals (glass chalices, leven bread), improper vestments-no garb on alter servers, alter server garb on deacons or lectors, chronic severely mismatched/incorrect liturgical colors on priest, (eg: red shash and green vestment to look “Christmas-y”), chronically wrong readings (or picking their own), outright lies on the pulpit…everything from mistakes that nfp is the “Catholic” abc to the idea the pope is senile and we don’t have to listen and even heard the priest preaching that there are no more mortal sins anymore. Serious stuff…not petty stuff.

Through a friend I have found a very good parish but its far.

I’m just tired of the constant, unbending judgment. I’m also sick of having to go to a parish and protect myself spiritually. I’m not even trying to judge these liberal parishes but its hard when stuff is WAY out of whack.


If you’ve been there and they aren’t following the rubrics of teachings then go elsewhere and stop giving them the power to make your Catholic experience so full of angst. The faith is not about living in constant anxiety, but at the same time it isn’t tailored to the individual either. No one is perfect; some things you’ll have to put up with or plan on spending the rest of your life searching for the perfect parish.


How do you think that I managed to go to over 30 parishes in just over a year? I can put up with lax ruberics, or incorrect dress, or minor wrongs in the homily. But I’ve found a lot of parishes over the top.

For instance, the ones that have been rude, are decent as far as Mass. I can attend Mass at that building. But they are NOT a parish. I will go to Mass, drop in my collection…but I won’t attend their “coffee and donuts” when each and every parishioner makes it clear I cannot sit at their table…or worse that I should “clear out” becuase they need the table. I’ve been to a couple of those. Its horrid.

And a parish that I cannot attend Mass at…due to my atsma…can’t be my parish either. And I’m sick of fighting with priests…or having someone fight for me. Alot of priests are now using incense and trying to bring the old customs back per B16. Which is GREAT. It’s FABULOUS! I LOVE tradition. But it also costs me the ability to go to Mass. This is roughly 5 parishes of the 30 so far.


Hi kimmielittle,

Thank you for posting this.

I did not think of it at the time when I read this Thread but this is something that I had to learn and am obviously still learning.:smiley:


I am sorry you are having such a hard time finding a parish that you like. I know it can be frustrating to feel that you don’t belong or are not wanted. I also know it is hard to find a good spiritual advisor. I guess my biggest frustration is that I feel like they want to rush me through confession and instead of helping me make a good one. I too miss the old days when I felt like we were one big church family and that we truly loved each other in the spirit and love of Christ.

Hang in there and know that God knows your heart and he hears your prayers. Just keep believing that God will show you what to do.

God Bless


It sounds frustrating, and I’m sure that’s what drove you to the title of the thread, but really those things that people have said to you are not judgemental. Presumptuous, of course, but not judgemental. If they were being judgemental they would have stated that due to your behavior, you are going to hell. From what you have written it doesn’t seem that anyone has attempted to judge the state of your soul.

I hope you can find a good fit for a parish. It must be difficult to hop from one to the other and feel like you don’t belong. Is there one that looks like you can at least work with? Maybe a parish needs you… don’t underestimate what you could do to turn one of those parishes around…


Look purplesunshine!! You have made non-judgmental friends by making this post! Befriend them all and be supported! The East coast is greatly suffering from a lack of priests and some Catholics can really get on the self-protective soapbox! I kiss my pastor’s feet listening to all this and again, befriend everyone… be supported! And if you feel ornery enough, write a complaint to the bishop! :mad:


It seems a little hypocritical to place every parish that you’ve been to into three distinct categories, and then call all of them judgemental. It also seems odd that you have been to over 30 parishes, and none of them will do things the way that you see fit.

I’m just some guy on the Internet, but it seems to me that this can’t all be about them.


More or less they fit into a category. Again, I laud the first category, the more traditional, but I cannot attend due to my asthsma…and usually they’re not willing to bend. Fine, that’s their perrogrative.

The second, where they offer a good mass is slightly more common. Several times I’ve thought, “Thank you GOD I finally found a parish.” After a couple of weeks I start to get involved in parish activities…only to be told that I’m not needed or made to feel obviously unwanted. (as in the coffee and dougnouts day). Or that I’m “too young” to join a knitting group, or a prayer group, although there was no stated age restriction. I should be up to me as I’m 25, weather or not I want to hang out with older adults. Again, I am grateful I found a parish that I can go to Mass at. But the constant rejection in parisonal activities is tough.

The third, the one riddled with obscene abuses is the most common. They tend to be the more welcoming, friendly and such. I had a great time at their activities and started to get invlovled…but at one in particular and others, I could no longer turn a blind eye to the error, nor could I defend the church to the priests. When I asked the priest if he seriously believed their wasn’t any more mortal sin…he replied that he was sure that it never existed to begin with.:eek::eek::eek:. And many like encounters.


WOW! I have been a catholic for 57 years and have never run into any even remotely like this!


We can not rid the Church of all who are judgemental. The only person we have to be responsible for is ourself. I note that in the first post and several subsequent posts there is a very critical overtone. We must be careful not to become that which we dislike.

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