Caught myself looking...


#1

Hello all,

This will be short. Today when my wife was in the shower I walked into our bathroom to get the dental floss and I saw her shaving her legs through the glass doors. Before I even could think about it I felt aroused by the sight of her nude body in the shower! I got very amorous and felt a strong urge to have sex with her. But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her, it was because she was a real fox and I wanted to “be with” her! Is it wrong that I think lustfully of my wife (12 years this March) this way? I think I read in Christopher West’s book that I need to crucify my lustful thoughts? That sex is for unity and babies but not really just to scratch an itch? I love my wife and she is a babe, but maybe I am wrong in thinking this way?


#2

Dude - no, you’re not. If you weren’t attracted to her in the first place, you probably wouldn’t want to have sex, and if we all were waiting to think, “Well, I’d like another kid”, we’d hardly ever have sex! They go hand in hand. One leads to the other. Wanting to “be with her” is perfectly fine as long as you’re ready to accept the kid that may come along. Now, if you’re just thinking “I want some release” and not thinking of taking care of your wife as well out of love, then you’re off track.


#3

Sexual attraction itself is not sinful or bad. It is healthy and the way God designed us.

However, lust is sinful. (and yes, JP said that it is possible to lust after one's own wife). I don't think any of us can judge by what you describe whether it was lust or just attraction. That is your own discernment. Bring it to prayer to determine what parts of you you need to improve, tame, refine, and polish so you can be more of a gift to your wife.


#4

[quote="searching04, post:2, topic:274398"]
Dude - no, you're not. If you weren't attracted to her in the first place, you probably wouldn't want to have sex, and if we all were waiting to think, "Well, I'd like another kid", we'd hardly ever have sex! They go hand in hand. One leads to the other. Wanting to "be with her" is perfectly fine as long as you're ready to accept the kid that may come along. Now, if you're just thinking "I want some release" and not thinking of taking care of your wife as well out of love, then you're off track.

[/quote]

Very well said! :thumbsup:


#5

[quote="PleasinChrist, post:1, topic:274398"]
Hello all,

This will be short. Today when my wife was in the shower I walked into our bathroom to get the dental floss and I saw her shaving her legs through the glass doors. Before I even could think about it I felt aroused by the sight of her nude body in the shower! I got very amorous and felt a strong urge to have sex with her. But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her, it was because she was a real fox and I wanted to "be with" her! Is it wrong that I think lustfully of my wife (12 years this March) this way? I think I read in Christopher West's book that I need to crucify my lustful thoughts? That sex is for unity and babies but not really just to scratch an itch? I love my wife and she is a babe, but maybe I am wrong in thinking this way?

[/quote]

You are not lusting after your wife. You are attracted to your wife. Lust would motivate you to objectify her as an object.


#6

Is'nt there a scripture passage from St Paul about this? I will look it up, try to post:)


#7

[quote="PleasinChrist, post:1, topic:274398"]
Hello all,

This will be short. Today when my wife was in the shower I walked into our bathroom to get the dental floss and I saw her shaving her legs through the glass doors. Before I even could think about it I felt aroused by the sight of her nude body in the shower! I got very amorous and felt a strong urge to have sex with her. But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her, it was because she was a real fox and I wanted to "be with" her! Is it wrong that I think lustfully of my wife (12 years this March) this way? I think I read in Christopher West's book that I need to crucify my lustful thoughts? That sex is for unity and babies but not really just to scratch an itch? I love my wife and she is a babe, but maybe I am wrong in thinking this way?

[/quote]

Man, do you think she's shaving her legs so that she won't be attractive to you?


#8

[quote="PleasinChrist, post:1, topic:274398"]
Hello all,

This will be short. Today when my wife was in the shower I walked into our bathroom to get the dental floss and I saw her shaving her legs through the glass doors. Before I even could think about it I felt aroused by the sight of her nude body in the shower! I got very amorous and felt a strong urge to have sex with her. But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her, it was because she was a real fox and I wanted to "be with" her! Is it wrong that I think lustfully of my wife (12 years this March) this way? I think I read in Christopher West's book that I need to crucify my lustful thoughts? That sex is for unity and babies but not really just to scratch an itch? I love my wife and she is a babe, but maybe I am wrong in thinking this way?

[/quote]

Dude, your a fellow guy and you think your wife is hot, nothing wrong with your junk being aroused at the sight of seeing her in the shower..


#9

[BIBLEDRB]1 Cor 7:8-9

[/BIBLEDRB]


#10

[quote="agapewolf, post:3, topic:274398"]
Sexual attraction itself is not sinful or bad. It is healthy and the way God designed us.

However, lust is sinful. (and yes, JP said that it is possible to lust after one's own wife). I don't think any of us can judge by what you describe whether it was lust or just attraction. That is your own discernment. Bring it to prayer to determine what parts of you you need to improve, tame, refine, and polish so you can be more of a gift to your wife.

[/quote]

Yes! As TwoAngels put it, the goal is not to extinguish natural attractions and affections within marriage, but to keep these joined to our love for each other as persons and to our fidelity to the whole of what God intends marriage to be.


#11

What's wrong with you? You're a married man. That means you're supposed to be attracted to other women but not your wife.

Haven't you watched all the sitcoms, romantic comedies, and dramas for the last 30 years?:D:D:D
[/sarcasm]


#12

You yourself have admitted that you were having lustful thoughts. But it often seems like nothing more can be unchaste within a marriage. Spouses should think lovingly and not lustfully of each other. So yes, I think you have an issue.


#13

As a fellow married man, I'd say you'd be crazy to suppress such feelings. I mean good-grief man, how could you think otherwise? Nude spouse time is awesome. :D

I take it you're not married...


#14

Right. So?


#15

Your advice might be a bit skewed, no?


#16

[quote="PrayerShark, post:15, topic:274398"]
Your advice might be a bit skewed, no?

[/quote]

Tell me something that I don't yet know. That lust does not exist within marriage or that married couples are exempted from lust?


#17

If you see your wife naked in the shower, you're going to be aroused. Alarm bells would be going off he weren't aroused.


#18

[quote="PrayerShark, post:17, topic:274398"]
If you see your wife naked in the shower, you're going to be aroused. Alarm bells would be going off he weren't aroused.

[/quote]

It's one thing to look at a woman and get aroused or feel attracted towards her. It's another thing to have such a feeling (which is of course natural) with the intention of having an act that wouldn't be procreative and unitive in nature. This is my take from the OP's post. He desires to be with his wife to satisfy his sexual desires only. He clearly states that his intention is not procreative in nature and unfortunately also not unitive:

But I have to admit it was not to make a baby and become closer to her

(Bold mine.) This perfectly fits the definition of lust.

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes

Underline mine


#19

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes

Emphasis mine...

There is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure (as you have underlined). You would have to be asexual not to derive any pleasure from sex. Besides, having sex with your spouse is unitive whether or not it is to procreate or for enjoyment.


#20

[quote="PrayerShark, post:19, topic:274398"]
Emphasis mine...

There is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure (as you have underlined). You would have to be asexual not to derive any pleasure from sex. Besides, having sex with your spouse is unitive whether or not it is to procreate or for enjoyment.

[/quote]

Unfortunately, my emphases did not get through as intended. The words I underlined were supposed to be read together. Of course, there is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure. However, the problem is with lust:

disordered desire for sexual pleasure

I don't think you can just assume that the marital act can always be unitive. For instance, a "marital act" that involves one spouse raping the other can never be unitive.


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