I mentioned in my introduction that I am suddenly filled with some doubts, and Im beginning to struggle with depression. I am a relatively new Catholic convert, and it hasn’t been an easy transition…and last week I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, which means I should go 100% gluten free, 100% of the time. Please don’t anyone tell me about the low gluten Hosts, I know about that. Ive read what the Vatican & the US bishops say, and Im very grateful that The Church provides a solution…wine only.
But Im struggling with that and am asking for prayers, and perspectives to help me sort through these issues. One person said “Jesus won’t let me get sick through receiving the Host”. And I understand that…why would God allow me a condition that now means receiving the Host would be literally a toxin for me…that seems so absurd. So, one question is, does not receiving the host mean Im guilty of lack of faith? I read in another thread that no one has ever gotten sick from receiving the Host and wine from the cup…to be brutally honest I would challenge that faith and say would you drink from the same cup that someone has drunk from who has Ebola? Is that faith? Or stupidity? Its unprovable either way…the incubation periods of some disease are so long that its impossible to say if someone got sick they picked it up from an infected cup.
I never knew I had the disease, so unlike others who would immediately get sick by taking even a crumb of gluten, I doubt I would even notice. But as someone else said, poison is poison, and is ANY drop acceptable? Celiac disease wreaks havoc internally and I have had some serious illnesses, that now may be complications from being undiagnosed for so long.
So the solution is wine only…which I then have to arrange with my Priest, and perhaps even have to have my own chalice. I have spoken with a Priest from a different Parish who himself has Celiac disease, and he points out I would need to go u 1st to ensure no cross contamination. And this is where I struggle…I am grateful the Church not only allows but mandates that I must be able to receive wine only, but on a practical level, I don’t want to be singled out. I don’t want to have to have the special treatment this requires. So a big part of me says I should ignore it, and just take the host anyway, and trust in God that it won’t harm me…but another part of me says I am being prideful, that my desire not to have to be the 1st, or obviously taking from a separate chalice is merely pride. Today was the 1st time I was at Mass without partaking, and it feels very awkward as it is allowing everyone else to file by and not receiving. Ive only been to a couple of churches, but the wine is not offered to the laity at mine. Because I work on weekends I attend a 0630mass most frequently, and thats only with about 20-30 others. So having special treatment there would be obvious to all. The whole thing just makes me feel really bad…Im a nurse. I dod what I do believing that the Lord will protect me. But would I go into a room with a patient with ebola, or flu or whatever without a mask?
Im asking for peoples thoughts, and prayers. I feel so bad that I haven’t received Christ for a week now, and am struggling with how to proceed. Thanks.