I will try to give the short version to start off:
My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have two children age 6 and 3 - after the birth of our second child, my wife decided to abandon NFP - she will not have sex unless I use a condom - we are both Catholic converts, she 5 years after me - we took the NFP classes together - when she did use NFP, I did all the charting - all she had to do was take the temps each morning, but now she refuses to do that - A couple years ago, I even bought her a new thermometer that is much quicker (her excuse before was that it took too long in the mornings), but she hasn't used it once.
Now it has been 3 1/2 years and we have sex only once, about 2 years ago - and she regretted that right away, worried so much about getting pregnant again ( we are both almost 40) - even though it was right before her period and I knew that she was well past her ovulation time and thus, in her infertile time - she doesn't trust NFP - the pill makes her sick - she pressures me to use a condom, but I won't budge due to the Church's clear teaching on the matter - I explain to her that condoms aren't 100% either, plus all the other moral issues, we've discussed this so much, she knows the reasons - then I get painted as the one who is refusing her sex.
She seems resolved to never have sex again if I don't use a condom (she has said as much to me) and I am resolved to not use a condom and commit sin -
I've asked advice from a couple priests and I got the same answer: I am to live as a celibate within my marriage - honestly, what other option is there, despite my intense desire for sexual intimacy?:
1) find someone else to have sex with on the side: SIN
2) indulge in internet porn: SIN
3) masturbate: SIN
4) divorce her and find someone new: SIN
5) offer up this suffering and live as a celibate, while Iiving and sharing a bed with my wife:
Of course this last one is the only moral option for a faithful Catholic - but I have offered it up for over 3 1/2 years - it is quite a heavy cross to bear - I find myself taking notice of attractive females more when I am out, and I know that it is because I am being sexually starved at home, on purpose, rejected - I am self-aware that I am hungry for physical affection and sexual intimacy, and that is a dangerous situation for a man to be in entering mid-life.
She says that I am a wonderful husband - that is, when she is not lashing out in rage at me for various unpreditable reasons - I do a great deal of the cleaning, cooking and child care when I am home in the evenings and weekends (she is a stay at home mom) - I won't get into all that, but I know that I pull my load and more, but get no respect and, of course, no sex.
I have talked with her until the subject is very sore and only makes her angry when I bring it up, so I have stopped that tactic - I pray for her - I am resolved to stay - I do not engage in any sexually illicit activity - I am trying to be patient
Anyone have any other thoughts or insights?