I think that bobballen has said it for me. Trusting that God will guide me, and at the right time, has been very difficult sometimes. It's also been very rewarding. It's silly when I think about it, but sometimes I would get sick of discerning and just assume that this or that was what God had in store for me. No need to discern what you already know, right?
But God can be trusted. A few people at my parish suggested I look into the monastery nearby. Sometimes I felt great about it, and sometimes it was the last thing I wanted. In the end I knew that God could be trusted so I decided to go visit. I wish I could say that I went and here I am today a monk, but that didn't happen. I never visited. I tried, I just couldn't. It's an hour away, and I can't drive, which means I have to plan it out a good ways ahead of time. Every time it falls through. Maybe it's not for me, or not yet atleast.
Since I was a kid, I've always felt somewhat of an attraction to the priesthood. I fell away in my teens, and came back a few years ago. I was in and out of the Church for months at a time here and there, but all the while it persisted. I came back for good last December and told my priest about it. He told me to wait a year, stay and be active in the Church, and see if it will pass or persist. About a month ago, I had the chance to move to the center of our diocese where I would be able to talk with our Vocations Director more often and be with my family. I really didn't know which was the better choice, stay or go, so I prayed and made it to the best of my ability. I decided to move, and was excited about possibly moving closer to my vocation. A few days before I was supposed to move everything started to fall apart. I had no peace about it at all, so I prayed that if He wants me to go I'll go and if He wants me to stay I'll stay. In short, after a crazy bit of circumstances, I believe that God moved the peices to His liking. Much more so than I could have possibly imagined. My family moved where I am, I had the chance to meet and talk with my bishop two weeks ago, and last Sunday, my priest, after months of weekly confessions and spiritual direction, told me he thinks it's time to apply for seminary
It's not like I don't think about marriage, I do, and that makes me anxious. Somedays I want to be married more than anything else, and other days it's the priesthood, or the monastery. But when that happens I just need to step back, thank God, and get back to work.