Chances of getting married nowadays?


#1

This has been on my mind for a long time. What are a really devout person’s chances of getting married these days? I was just thinking how hard it’s going to be when I start dating in the next few years or so. (I’m 16, won’t date until going to college.)

Not having the blessing of going to an all-girls Catholic school, I am exposed to boys my own age daily and I really think my chances of ever finding someone who is willing to date me despite my beliefs is very slim.

Specifically, I’m talking about sex: most boys will not date girls who believe in waiting for marriage these days. I know there must be some good guys out there, but they seem so few. There are other issues that I think would deter someone, but sex is probably the biggest, I think.

I’m terrified of never getting married or having a family. It seems like it’s going to be impossible. Very discouraging. :frowning:

What do you think about this? Am I being too pessimistic? Or do I have a real reason to be concerned?


#2

On a natural level, you are right to be concerned. We live in a culture very hostile to our values. But God is not likely intimidated by such things. He’ll take care of things for you if you live an actively catholic life (both in personal prayer and community life) - which is what He expects of us anyways!

Research your college carefully. Find one that BOTH offers degrees in what interests you AND either is a genuinely catholic school or is a secular school with a Newmann Center that is vibrantly catholic.

U of Illinois (Urbana), for example has a great Newmann Center.


#3

I think you have great hope of finding a suitable mate if you are called to marriage.

Right now, become the person Christ wants you to be. Grow in virtue, receive the sacraments, serve in your parish or other solid Catholic organization. Pray every day for your vocation - whatever it may be. Go on mission trips in the summer if you can.

God will take care of tomorrow and next year and the years after that! —KCT


#4

It only takes one guy! :slight_smile:
I think there are more guys out there that share your views than you think, and this may become more apparent when you (and they) get to the “marrying stage”.
I know I met many guys that either agreed with waiting for marriage or at least supported/admired/approved of the idea even if they weren’t living it. Many weren’t even Catholic.
I think there are lots of good guys out there :slight_smile: though not all may understand all of the Church’s teachings (potential to revert/convert once the learn the Truth).

Now, that was just addressing what you mentioned was your big concern. I still think there are many good devout guys out there that already share your views, and are good orthodox practicing Catholics (that is what I wanted too, and found him), just pray that if marriage is your vocation, that God may lead you to your guy :slight_smile: and help keep him strong and faithful in the meantime.

Its always nice to participate in Catholic activities in your parish or diocese, or foster friendships with people who share your faith even while you are not at the stage of discerning marriage.


#5

Yep that is very slim. However, you will find much more willing to date you BECAUSE OF your beliefs :slight_smile:

What do you think about this? Am I being too pessimistic? Or do I have a real reason to be concerned?

Too pessimistic. I am a guy, but I had the same concerns as you. I had no dating luck at all until my senior year of college. Then things started to turn around. Especially after college I received a lot of interest. As people matured, they learn life lessons, and their priorities changed. What was unattractive before, became supremely attractive.

I know a lot of good men my age who are looking for the kind of woman you will one day be. And I know as you get older there will be a lot of good men looking for you! :slight_smile:


#6

I applaud your waiting until you grow up, unfortunately after you do that you have to wait for the guys to grow up. :stuck_out_tongue:

Hmm let’s see what’s on your side. Most girls aren’t as smart as you and they don’t want a “good boy” :confused:

I remember my sister once telling me what a rarity I was because “there are sooo many guys who play the ‘good guy’ part” falsely. Surround yourself with good people. Youth groups will turn into young adult groups. This practice might make it seem like many quality people are out there.

There is also the Florence Nightingale syndrome. Win a soul for God and he may reward you by making that soul your husband. My wife was a very theologically lost person when I met her.


#7

You have nothing to worry about. I felt the same way for along time. It takes patience. All that have posted have given great advice. Just be who you are, continue to seek God and you will be taken care of! :thumbsup:

Namaste.

SFO


#8

Don’t get discouraged. You encounter mostly 16 year old boys–and I highly doubt you will marry a 16 year old boy. Some people may be devout as teenagers, but even St. Francis of Assissi wasn’t devout when he was a teenage boy.

There is hope for each and every teenage boy you encounter to become a devout and godly man one day. But don’t ever settle for marrying anyone who is less than a godly man.

Trust in God. Pray to Him regarding your future husband. And give God–and teenage boys–more time.


#9

If God has called you to marriage, trust that He will also place a suitable person in your path. We are not meant to “go it alone” and find our own spouses.

BUT -and here is the biggy which too many of us ignore - you must remain open to God’s choice for you. Keep your eyes, ears and heart open to prayer and God’s tiny little voice to lead you in this decision.


#10

I’ve met so many people, guys included who are into their faith at college. They do exist and if God is calling you towards marriage, nothing is impossible through Him.

When I got to college, I met so many people into their faith whether they were Catholic or at least generically Christian. The guys especially have been a pleasant surprise. They treat girls like queens and are so into their faith, some are even in Knights of Columbus. I’m not looking for a date, I just got out of a relationship not too long ago and am trying to focus on school, since I do want to go to med school so I have to start now. But they are amazing and they do exist! And my university isn’t even Catholic or really that religious! (though it is Protestant affiliated)


#11

AveMariaRadio.net just had a poll asking if people were virgins when they were married. 22% said yes. That may sound small, but that amounts to quite a chunk of Catholics. And with the resurgence of Catholic orthodoxy in our youth, that figure will improve with the grace of God.

If you hang around other boys and girls who go to Church groups and practice their faiths, you will weed out quite a bit of boys who aren’t keen on the Catholic faith.

My prayers are with you, dove. :slight_smile:


#12

My boyfriend has two younger brothers who are very strong in their faith. They are 16 and 17 and will be out there looking for someone who shares their beliefs and values in the near future.

Right thinking guys are definitely are out there, you just have to find them. :thumbsup:

Don’t get discouraged!


#13

Well, firstly, boys your age need a few more years to sufficiently mature. Most of them do stop dragging their nuckles on the ground by the time they are 25 or so. Some earlier, some later, some never.

Yes, there are devout men out in the world, although they may seem hard to find.

And, you do have a good number of years ahead of you. When you do go to college, get involved in the Catholic groups there and you will likely meet someone.

DH and I did not meet each other until he was 42 and I was 36, we married at 44 and 38. That probably seems ancient to you… but just serves to show you God will do all things in his own time.


#14
  1. You’re 16. You’ve got PLENTY of years ahead of you to find the right guy, if God is calling you to marriage.
  2. there ARE guys out there who share your values and who will respect you and love you enough to save sex for marriage. I’m dating one, I should know. :stuck_out_tongue:
  3. Pray about it. God knows the deepest desires of your heart; ask Him to send you the right man in His time, not yours. Don’t despair!!! :smiley:

#15

Trust me when I say I’ve ALWAYS been afraid that I wouldn’t find anybody and would never be able to get married, especially when I was your age. I’m still worried about it and I’m 21 now. I actually don’t worry so much about finding someone who will share my values as much as I’m afraid I’m not attractive enough for anybody. There are a lot of guys out there who will wait until marriage, they just aren’t as vocal about it.

The best advice I could give to you is that at this point, find out what GOD wants you to do, and how you can become that person. Learn to trust God and give your life over to Him. He will let you know if you are called to marriage, and He will lead you to that person. Also, if you feel you are called to marriage, pray for your future mate, that they will be follow God’s plan, and be a chaste and holy spouse. One of the things I wish I had done when I was your age was not be so focused on finding a marriage partner but finding out the kind of person God wanted me to become.


#16

This is a really good idea, manualman. Texas A&M has more Catholics and a bigger Neumann Center than most places. There’s Steubenville, of course.

And don’t worry Dove. I know it feels as if 16 is “getting on”, but be a little choosy and take your time. Pray for God to guide you, and He will.


#17

Thanks guys. You’ve been saying some really important things that I shouldn’t lose sight of, especially God’s plan for me, not just my own! I’m still worried, but I feel much better knowing that there are others who feel/felt like me.

:heart: gives everyone virtual hugs :heart:


#18

You are God’s special daughter, Dove, a treasure, and don’t you fergit it- or let those boys fergit it, either!


#19

Whom teenage boys want to date is very different than whom men want to marry.

And, you’ll be surprised how many guys will surprise themselves by falling in love with a virtuous girl. All you have to do is stay true to your convictions and not worry about all the other things. Any given woman is unlikely to appeal to the majority of men… she may be too tall or too skinny or too quiet or whatever… but all that matters is ONE good man finds her appealing enough to marry her.


#20

What is your theological basis for the “our spouses are pre-picked for us” belief above? When I read the cathechism, I see it said (albeit indirectly) that we have the right and duty to choose our own spouses. Besides, that can lead to unhealthy second guessing and manipulation.

Dove51, you have your head on straight regarding priorities, and I salute you for that. But since you are only 16, you need not worry - yet. It’s when you are in your 30s and 40s and not yet married that will be the cause for pessimism (since after then the “pickings get slim” in this rotten heathen culture).

I do agree with the other posters to not lower your standards. But I will caution some of the others on this board that if you want to instill in dove51 the hope that a virtuous man will take notice of her, please do not bash virtuous men who seek virtuous wives like in some other threads I’ve read in this forum.


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