Changing your mind about letting your child do something


#1

Is it wrong to change your mind when you have initally told your child he can do something? My son is due to go on a school trip 2 hundred miles away in Febuary. In September we were asked to put in a form if we had an interest in our child going.We put in the form.The more we have found out the more I think that my son at 8 is to young to go.


#2

Of course it is not wrong. If your son has his heart set on the trip, you will need to tell him that you have concerns about it and that as his parent, you have to do what you think is in his best interest. That's a long trip for young kids - is it a day trip, an overnight, or what? 200 miles round-trip? That would be roughly 1.5 hours going and 1.5 hours coming back, right?


#3

200 mi= 4hours more or less

1) either voulenteer to be a chaperone

or

2) tell your 8yo they cannot go. Take them to a movie or other fun thing...all will be forgiven.

This is an 8yo...Schools...especially public schools...have no business taking a child less than 10 or 11 anywhere more than a couple dozen miles. (exception, of course, for things like highly regarded music competions, math, science, etc where the child has put in hours of work and has had huge monumental achievements)


#4

You have to do what's best for your child, and if you have good reason to believe it would be unsafe for him to go then it's perfectly okay to change your mind.

In my opinion, however, a 200 mile trip isn't too far for an 8-year-old. I've taken plenty of 9-year-olds on long school trips and been on long trips in early elementary school myself and everything went just fine. It's not like it's an unsupervised overnight trip. It isn't any less safe for travel 2 hours, get off a bus and have their field trip, then spend 2 hours coming back than it is to have the same trip only 30 minutes away. The only difference is the amount of time it takes to get there. Is distance the only thing making you uneasy about this trip, or is there something about the destination that is unsafe for children?

If the only reason you can come up with to tell your son why he can't go with his friends on the field trip is that you don't want him to spend several hours on a bus, I don't think it's go over well. Children have to obey the decisions of their parents even if they don't like them, but it's not unreasonable for a child to want their parents' decisions have good reasons behind them.


#5

If you feel like it is not a good decision for your child to go on this field trip, you have every right to not let him go. He is only 8, and I get the feeling that it is not just about the distance but also perhaps the destination? Either way, you are the mom, and this is your prerogative. I have a hard time imagining that your little boy will be harboring resentment for the rest of his life because of a missed field trip.


#6

[quote="Snugglebugmom, post:5, topic:224547"]
If you feel like it is not a good decision for your child to go on this field trip, you have every right to not let him go. He is only 8, and I get the feeling that it is not just about the distance but also perhaps the destination? Either way, you are the mom, and this is your prerogative. I have a hard time imagining that your little boy will be harboring resentment for the rest of his life because of a missed field trip.

[/quote]

I can almost guarantee that teenagerhood will provide many other reasons for her son to resent her! (At least for a season!)

:p


#7

:rotfl:
Yeah, if we don’t give them reasons, they will make some up. So we might as well give them some stuff to complain about. :wink:


#8

I have a 9yo and there is no way I would let her go on a school trip that far away. If it's such an awesome thing, then maybe it would be worth you going on a family trip.

As far as telling him, just be honest and explain the situation. He might be upset, but I agree that taking him to a movie or something will make it better.

And really, what teacher wants to take a class of kids 400 miles!!!


#9

Thanks for all the replies. The parents around here seem to always be prepared to let their children do things that I wouldnt be comfortable with my children doing. So you have all made me feel better about my decision.


#10

Look, at it this way. You are not giving into parent peer pressure. It will be good practice for preteen and teen years because I can assure you there are going to be things other parents will allow that you want to limit. You are going to ask your child on many occasions to not follow the crowd but think for themselves and not give into peer pressure. If you can't resist peer pressure then how are you going to ask your preteen or teen to? So I would not let the fact that the other parents allow something to per se control your decision. It is a factor but should not be controlling .
I feel there is nothing wrong with changing your mind based on further consideration or new information . You have the obligation to protect your child. I too think that is a long trip for such young kids. What is the purpose of the trip? Having said that I have learned the hard way (by saying yes too early) to not give a yes until I have had time to think and to gather all the information I need to make a decision. This can be maddening as the child waits for a response, but reversals are worse I have found. , no fun at all for anyone, , especially with older kids.


#11

I agree with redroselover. The only mistake you made was saying yes too soon. There is nothing worse for a child to have an already received priveledge taken away. In the future it is best to say, 'I need all the information before I can make the decision'

As for changing your mind. Your are the parent and the one who will suffer guilt if anything goes wrong. So YES you can change your mind. But be warned, your son could habor a deep resentment for a long time to come. It is no fun to be the only kid in school who didn't get to go. And everytime the kids reminisce about 'Remember when we went to ... and this happened and that happened' and the other kids laugh at the good memory, your son will always feel left out. That is not reason to say yes. It is simply letting you know how your son will feel.

When I was 10 and all the girls decided to go to the mall, I had to stay back because I was not allowed to go if a parent was with us. yes I resented my parents. But yes, that is also one thing I also put behind me

Pray to God for guidance and strenght

CM


#12

[quote="blossomingflowe, post:1, topic:224547"]
Is it wrong to change your mind when you have initally told your child he can do something? My son is due to go on a school trip 2 hundred miles away in Febuary. In September we were asked to put in a form if we had an interest in our child going.We put in the form.The more we have found out the more I think that my son at 8 is to young to go.

[/quote]

What have you found out that has made you change your mind?

I might have reservations about sending my child on an overnight field trip if I had reservations about some of the chaperones or the event itself.

Changing your mind is your duty as parent if you have learned you might be putting your child in harms way.


#13

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