Chastity, American Cutlture, and Dating in your 30s


#1

I started this same thread in the apologetics forum, but I think this may be the more appropriate forum. Wasn’t sure how to move it…

As single male in his mid-thirties, I’ve found balancing dating and my catholic faith to be biggest challenge I have ever faced. This thread is not for just for me, but all of us single Catholics in our late 20s, 30, and 40s. How do we reconcile the teachings of our church with our cultural norms? How do we resist when the temptation to break chastity is not due, so much, to lust but due to the pain of loneliness? How do we feel about our peers who “broke the rules”, played the game, fell in love, got married, and now have a family?

For me, chastity has become a commitment that I have to make anew each day. To think beyond that scares me to death, because I have to accept that I may end up alone because of it. My commitment has recently cost me a relationship and I even had a family member question my sexuality. Is it worth it? Or do we just play the game that seems to work for everyone else to get to the brass ring of marriage and hope we don’t die along the way before we make it to confession? Sometimes that’s a hard question to answer. Anyway, this thread is for all those who are going through the same thing. How do you cope? Let’s support each other.


#2

[quote=T1pp]I started this same thread in the apologetics forum, but I think this may be the more appropriate forum. Wasn’t sure how to move it…

As single male in his mid-thirties, I’ve found balancing dating and my catholic faith to be biggest challenge I have ever faced. This thread is not for just for me, but all of us single Catholics in our late 20s, 30, and 40s. How do we reconcile the teachings of our church with our cultural norms? How do we resist when the temptation to break chastity is not due, so much, to lust but due to the pain of loneliness? How do we feel about our peers who “broke the rules”, played the game, fell in love, got married, and now have a family?

For me, chastity has become a commitment that I have to make anew each day. To think beyond that scares me to death, because I have to accept that I may end up alone because of it. My commitment has recently cost me a relationship and I even had a family member question my sexuality. Is it worth it? Or do we just play the game that seems to work for everyone else to get to the brass ring of marriage and hope we don’t die along the way before we make it to confession? Sometimes that’s a hard question to answer. Anyway, this thread is for all those who are going through the same thing. How do you cope? Let’s support each other.
[/quote]

Well, let’s not turn it into a big hug fest, but I know what you’re going through. However, I’m a little odd because I’m finding it liberating rather than enslaving. Bitterness is your friend…

You’re right, though–one of the biggest challenges isn’t lust but pressure to conform. If you live in an apartment complex, right around midnight when people start coming home, it’s possible to hear up to four couples going at it all around you. My (ex) girlfriend used to complain about that a lot. I’d cut a date short because we’d get a few drinks in us and start feeling frisky. I’d drop her off, go home, and then we’d chat. She would tell me that not only was she frustrated for all the biological reasons, but also because everyone around, below and above her seemed to have picked that moment to get it on.

It’s a lonely place to be.

On the other hand, I’m no angel. I have made a number of “mistakes” and it wore me down so much I’d now rather just forget the whole thing. It’s possible that some girl would come along and our ideals would synch up, but I’m not counting on it anymore. It’d be nice, but I’m not betting anything.


#3

For me, chastity has become a commitment that I have to make anew each day. To think beyond that scares me to death, because I have to accept that I may end up alone because of it. My commitment has recently cost me a relationship and I even had a family member question my sexuality. Is it worth it? Or do we just play the game that seems to work for everyone else to get to the brass ring of marriage and hope we don’t die along the way before we make it to confession? Sometimes that’s a hard question to answer. Anyway, this thread is for all those who are going through the same thing. How do you cope? Let’s support each other.

From personal experience, I wish I had my time over. I know exactly what you are going through… but If I could take back what we did before we were married, I would. I cannot begin to explain the problems we are facing because we did not do things 'Gods Way’
You’ve given a part of yourself that should only be given in marriage and it clouds your vision. That person may not be right for you, yet there is a connection there. You cannot make right judgements about the relationship. You cannot let go when you probably should. It undermines the whole marriage. If you cannot be chaste before marriage, what makes the other peson think you would be in marriage. (not that I am saying all people have these problems… this is from my experience)
It was lonliness too, on our parts… and we loved each other but it was still wrong, wrong, wrong!! Even in your 30’s 40’s or beyond. Age is irrlelevant.
Gods laws are for all ages in all stages of life.
There is guilt, shame and a sense of whatever problems we have, well, we deserve them… we sinned so much.
Keep up the good fight. A relationship you lose over that issue was not worth keeping and would probably have meant more heartache in the long run!
God’s way is the ONLY way. It is right, it makes sense, it is tailored perfectly for our human psyche and any deviation from that causes an untold amount of trouble in the long run, if not here on earth… at least it will in purgatory…hoping in God that one would get to confession and not die in mortal sin along the way!!!
It is not a gamble worth risking.
Keep it up!! You are doing the RIGHT thing, as hard as it is and as easy as it is to think, 'why not conform to society.'
If I had my time again… i would stand firm, no matter what!!!


#4

Duplicate thread. Same thread is in Moral Theology forum.

Closed.


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