Cheating spouse and sexual relations?

this was on a previous list, but new topic

In today’s day with so many sexual diseases, it seems ridiculous to live with someone who cheats. who knows what you will give the other person - and Aids is a big concern. why should the other person die of some disease from a cheating wife.

I don’t think God would want to see his children suffering from sins of the flesh.

if it’s not good for the soul, then it’s not good with God either.

I agree. If the other spouse knows there is cheating going on, then its his decision whether or not to still be intimate with his wife. I know, if I were married, I never would touch my husband again if cheating occurred, but some people do.

Think about it. Young people are being told time and again about the rampant diseases out there. Many are already infected. Now with the advent of Cialis and the like. Older people are jumping into the cesspool. What a sad ending. Sexually transmitted diseases are up 30% in poeple over 55 yrs of age. Many go unreported, because Doctors don’t ask and patients don’t want to or are embarrassed to talk about it. :doh2:

I differ with the old Catholic teachings on marriage for today’s day and age, and I think that with all the sexually transmitted diseases and promiscuity that a marriage with cheating going on, should automatically be dismissed without question- all the paperwork and waiting for annulments is stupid. If they can change the old Mass to a new version, they can revise the marriage law to reflect today’s day and age, for the health and welfare of the other partner who believes in fidelity, and wants a life long commitment.
Marriage is almost an “old fashion” institution in today’s day. We are becoming the minority. Women are not the modest and refined people any more, and you just can’t trust woman or man unless you both are very strict in the catholic teachings. that is why it is better to marry a catholic to another catholic, instead of one catholic to one protestant. etc…

Huh? Too bad for the wife then.

What your saying is what got us in to this mess in the first place, though not the only thing. Modernism!!! Change all the rules to fit out life style and way of thinking even if it is wrong. If we hold our selves to a higher traditional standard, cheating and other acts of infidelity shouldn’t come in to play. There must be forgiveness, or doesn’t that apply today? Guess not, considering the drop off in confessions. We’re on a slippery slope and God Help us!!:crossrc:

Cheating doesn’t mean a marriage is null. A marriage is null if one or both parties exclude fidelity, or if one or both are unable to stay faithful to one person for mental reasons. Sometimes even an intent to cheat is more of an intent to abuse marriage than to exclude fidelity, much less instances of cheating which weren’t intended at the point of contracting marriage.

If they can change the old Mass to a new version, they can revise the marriage law to reflect today’s day and age, for the health and welfare of the other partner who believes in fidelity, and wants a life long commitment.

  1. The Mass is liturgy, not a moral commandment.
  2. “Day and age” doesn’t make things moral which weren’t moral before.

You are right, of course, about the 'day and age". The problem is that marriange is not one of the church laws, it is a Sacrament. It was instituted by God. We know this from the teachings of Jesus. There are many examples in scripture where people were not allowed to divorce because of infidelity. God even represented His relation ship to Israel as to a licentious wife. However, he did not divorce her. That being said, I also agree that one has no obligation for initmate relations after adultery.

The Church does not say that you have to continue marital relations with a cheating spouse. Nor does it say that you even have to stay in the same house with them. In fact, the Church recognises the unfortunate need for divorce in some cases. WHat the Church does say, however, is that you cannot remarry unless the first marrage is annuled.

Does the Church take into consideration the dangers of cheating and transmitting disease to one another when they look into an annulment? due to the age of today and all the promiscuity and freedom?

The annulment only states that the origional marrage was not valid. It has nothing to do with people having affairs. People can be validly married and still cheat. If you are married and get separated, for whatever reason, you are not garanteed that you can get remarried.

If your spouse is cheating, do not sleep with them. Move out. Whatever. But the sacrament of Marrage is still a sacrament.

Plenty of marriages survive infidelity. It’s certainly nothing “new” to this day and age.

The people that I know who admitted to cheating/being cheated on said that their marriage actually became stronger after the confrontation - because they were forced to deal with the real problems in the marriage, of which the cheating was only a symptom.

All I can say is;
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”

Charity in all things…

Adultery isn’t grounds for nullity, it is grounds for (permanent) separation though.

another couple - who’s wife started cheating on the husband - the husband caught the two in action in his own home. he filed for divorce and later got an annulment. Permanent separation is the same as null and void in my opinion. so there is grounds for nullity.

the Catholic church needs to re-evaluate this issue - you shouldn’t live a life of unhappiness with a spouse who cheats, this should be automatic dismissal of the marriage(null), since the cheater has already made the marriage die from infedility or giving the other person some type of disease.

I disagree on this issue with the Church and always will. it is not good on the soul and I don’t believe it is good with God.

Adultery could be grounds for nullity if the person enterered the marriage with the intention of not being faithful.

Since Christ has forgiven you how can’t you forgive your neighbor?

Permanent separation can seem harsh but life is not bereft of meaning for that, we are created for heaven and eternal love.

Indissolubility of marriage is a dogma of the Church and solemly proclaimed by Jesus. I’m quite appaled how lightly some Catholics treat the words of God made man.



By Catholic News Service

VATICAN CITY (CNS) – Questions about how far an extramarital relationship can go before it is a violation of the marriage bond make no sense from a moral point of view, a Vatican official said.

“If one is seriously trying to be faithful to one’s marriage, one does not ask, ‘How far can I go before I violate my marriage?”" said Father Frank Pavone, a U.S. official at the Pontifical Council for the Family.

Father Pavone and moral theologians in Rome, in interviews with Catholic News Service, said the questions raised by the media in the wake of allegations of sexual misconduct by President Bill Clinton are not at all unclear from a moral point of view.

Catholic teaching is clear in stating that “any kind of genital activity outside of marriage is a violation of the marriage covenant,” Father Pavone said

Approaching the moral questions involved from the point of view of how far one can go before violating one’s marriage, he said, is completely backwards.

“It’s like not asking, ‘What can I do to please God?’ but, ‘How much can I do before I displease God?”" he said.

Some media reports about adultery have cited law dictionary definitions, but Dominican Father Francesco Compagnoni, a professor at Rome’s Angelicum University, said, “Adultery can be a juridical term where the meaning could be very different from its meaning in morality.”

The “Catechism of the Catholic Church,” says: “Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations—even transient ones—they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely.”

Franciscan Father Gino Concetti, who writes about moral questions for L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, said, “Adultery according to the Gospel is also of the heart, which means without distinction according to the type of sexual relations.”

Sex, he said, is always more than a genital relationship and “every provocation which betrays the biblical concept of marital fidelity is a violation of those values which are part of every human person, that is, natural law,” he said.


Is the OP saying that the Church should change because society is changing?

Morality is not optional IMHO.

The indissolubility of marriage is a dogma of the Church and not changed by majority vote.

Not even the pope himself can change that.

Have you recently checked on these people today to see if they are still alive or have they died from Aids from their momentous fling? or if they contracted a sexually transmitted disease from their infidelity? Cheating is never right in order for a marriage to become stronger - that is ridiculous due to the fact that you can inherit the other’s disease and pass it along to the married partner.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit