Checking someone out?

Ok, I was wandering about checking people out, and if or to what extent is it a sin? So if someone bends over and you stare at their butt, is that ok (What if you aren’t actually interested in that person, more than just looking)? Also, what if they lean forward and you can see down their shirt, is that too much, if I look. Do I need to try to not look at that? To what point is does it become a sin (lust)?

Thanx.

At the point where you made the person an object of arousal. I’m sure that if I leaned over, being a male with a hairy chest (I know TMI) that you would not look down my shirt. Now you might and think, man that guy has a hairy chest and obvioulsly there is no sin. Your intent is everything. You know when you passed that point when you recognize your arousal and continue to entertain it…teachccd :slight_smile:

There’s a little more to it than that in the moral manuals. Some things are in and of themselves inappropriate to look at, like the private parts (as one manual calls them) of the opposite sex, such as a man looking at the breasts of a woman. So the looking down the shirt thing is in fact a problem whether it arouses or not on any particular occasion. The butt thing is not as well defined, but obviously you are talking about looking in a way that is more than just “cool jeans,” or “wow, what a huge butt.” So it is a little more subjective, but since it is a question of attraction, yea, you should practice custody of the eyes - look at their hair, or the heels of their shoes.

I find this hard as well!

I constantly check out ever girl i walk by on the street, I think, “oh, shes cute,” or “Man look at that!.” But then i stop my self. I let pass from me. It is normal for people (at least from a man’s perspective) to want to look at the opposite sex. The sin comes when you dwell on it. You can’t help were your eyes fall, but let it end there, don’t take the view home with you!

and girls… i know it been said a thousand times, but please for my sake cover up! i’m trying so hard.:thumbsup:

Based on what I’ve gathered from various conversations about this sort of thing, it seems that the vast majority of girls/women just have NO IDEA what kind of an effect their bodies have on us. Their brains just don’t work that way (usually), so they often don’t believe it or think we’re exaggerating even when it’s explained to them. I’m sure that if girls could spend even an hour in a guy’s head, the majority of them would start to dress MUCH more conservatively. :blush:

Dressing more conservatively would definitley be a huge help with a very difficult problem.:thumbsup:

I think you’re intentions are a factor. If you’re out looking for someone to ogle, you might also be looking for trouble. But I’ll certainly notice a good looking guy, and I do have a favorite feature that catches my eye. Beyond maybe a little mental “hot-cha-cha”, I’m not going to objectify him and I don’t think it’s a problem. – An Old Lady Who Still Likes to Look

And by the time that we do figure it out…they stop making those kind of clothes in our size :eek:

No, seriously… I watched a man, my husband’s age (40) staring at a lady in the car line at our Catholic school that other day…yep, waiting to pick up our children and you know what…that was a real eye opener for me. I had NO IDEA…but I do now…I’m leaving that stuff for my husband to see!

I wore some pretty short skirts in my youth, but not compared to what they wear now. And I had something under that skirt! Once I was out of high school, I guess I had an Epiphany, and didn’t want guys to be staring at me. I wanted to be taken seriously, and being not quite 5’ tall, it was already hard. I decided dressing like a grown up was a good idea.

When someone of the opposite sex hoves into view look them in the eyes. Of course if you do that with other guys you will probably end up with a few challenges.

I’d get a crick in my neck if I looked everyone in eyes. They’re feet above my head!

It’s not whether you look or not, but how you treat the person. Are you viewing the body & getting gratification from it? Or do you just visually take in the body in an incidental way?

I’ve had plenty of women do the incidental flash thing…I don’t know what it is with shirts these days! You’d think women would know this by now…

Stop wearing “V” necks that show clevage, short miniskirts, half shirts, etc. Women aren’t dumb. They know. Guys, in spite of how attracted you are to the opposite sex, show some real respect like a real man…train your eyes…look away or at something else. An accidental glance at something is one thing, but to fix the eyes there is just wrong. Women should also be more respectful towards men by properly preparing themselves for public view. If you have that big of a problem staring at parts of bodies, then you are not transforming your life. See the person of Christ. I heard a good method in the Church of Christ on this topic. Think of every woman/girl you meet as your mother or sister and you’ll stop that very quick. How would you feel about someone looking at your mother or sister like that. If the answer is I don’t care…then you have a greater problem.

Stop judging by looks too. That’s equvalent to killing the person. Ever been around someone that can’t stand to be around people that just aren’t pretty or handsome? Anything that reduces the dignity of a person is wrong. A second peak could just be a reflex reaction to the attraction…but a third, forth or fix is just really wrong. Is it mortal? Depends where you take it. But if you love Christ, you’ll really try hard to respect the person. I’ve been told that women like to look at other women. I think this is wrong even if it’s not sexual in nature. It approaches to killing the dignity of the other person by passing a judgement an unfair comparison.

Everybody is beautiful in their own way. After all, we are all children of God. Train you eyes boys and become men.

This is true, it is “natural” for men to want to look and achieve gratification from looking at women, and for the most part, perfectly “normal” in our culture.

This is a big challenge for Christian men (speaking from personal experience!), because we are supposed to overcome these ‘natural’ impulses, the nature of the flesh, and become spiritual beings.

I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your nature. For just as you presented the parts of your bodies as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness for lawless ness, so now present them as slaves to righteousness for sanctification. Romans 6:19

Dressing more conservatively would definitley be a huge help with a very difficult problem.

True also. I’m one of those 40-something-year old guys in grad school with 20-something-year old women, but I’m responsible for where my eyes go.

The other day I sat down in class and noticed a young woman sitting in front of me wearing a very short skirt. I moved down a row so I couldn’t see her.

Very true…but try sitting through a liturgy/mass with some bimbo dressed woman that thinks she’s fine dressed the way she is. My wife is beautiful…I asked her to stop wearing short tight skirts after we got married because she drew my eyes so I knew she drew other eyes. But being older I have trained eyes too…wisdom with age. My wife would not like if if I gawked at young women. I’m insulted around men that think it’s okay to do it when I’m there. One of my coworkers - nonpracticing Catholic- bragged about some famous guy on a cool bike with a well know porn star… He knows I’m discerning the diaconate. He had the oddacity to act so conservative on another topic another day and I called him on it…reminding him of his lose tongue about the Porn star. Young man…30’s …single living for the flesh.

What does your Consience say?. Did you desire that person in a sinful manner? Did you have bad thoughts about any parts of her body? Did you get excited in an immoral way? Only you and God knows what was in your mind at the time… Let your Consience be your guide.
None of us knows what was in your heart so we really cant answer you.

Mayo.

Sorry, Haven’t been on (Icestorm in KS - No Electricity).

Thanx for the replys.

I guess I find it hard to tell what is more like Admiring and what is Desiring. I have heard (even religious people say) that the body is a beautiful thing and should be admired asd stuff, so is checking out women wrong (as long as I’m not thinking about sex)?

I know I shouldn’t be trying to get peeks down their loose shirts (I agree women need to cover up), but what about looking at their body shape?

Thanx.

I think checking out has a negative connotation. It makes me think of guys hanging out someplace for the express purpose of ogling females. Bleck. Women are meant to be attractive to men and men are meant to be attractive to women. That’s part of the plan.

I guess one thing I am wondering about is the whole “body is a beautiful thing.” It’s ok, to look at nude art (sistine chapel - artists drawings), but not a woman’s butt or clevage? What if I enjoy it, but have no sexual thoughts? (Some similar type stuff mentioned in other posts - movie nudity, teenage lust, def. of pornography)

Just wanted a few more opinions. Thanx.

This might be terrible of me, and I’m not sure if I can even express it clearly, but here goes.

I think there is a huge difference in all of this, depending on the situation of the person. I don’t have a lot of problem with, say, the admiring looks of an unmarried man, particularly if he’s young, “checking out” a young woman who might, ultimately, be a marriage prospect. Physical attraction is part of that whole complex whereby people choose mates. It’s not the only thing, for sure, but it’s part of it, and I suspect God’s okay with it, even realizing sometimes the admiration might go a touch “over the line”. Let’s face it (and without going into excessive detail), to a significant degree, physical attractiveness is related to health. Health is related to fecundity and the strength that one might need in raising a family. I think the young man or woman in question is doing what he/she ought to be doing at that point in life, and much can be forgiven in the process.

Now, for a married guy, or somebody whose whole purpose is just plain old lust, I would say it wouldn’t take much ogling to be sinful.

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