Children conceived (in vitro) after father's death


#1

People Magazine had an article about war widows who went through in vitro (husband’s sperm) after their husband’s had been killed in Iraq or Afghanistan. Both had infertility issues; the husband’s sperm was frozen before deployment.

If a woman is pregnant and her husband dies, it can’t be helped. Or if a father chooses to leave, there’s not much the mom can do. But these women purposely had children after the father had died. I felt so sad when I read it. —KCT


#2

That is awful! :frowning: That a mother would purposely deprive her children of a father, which to me, is essentially what happens in these kinds of situations, is very sad indeed.


#3

It is harsh and cruel to some I’m sure, but I think this is entirely selfish on the part of the wife. A baby will not replace a husband, and bringing a child into a fatherless family, deliberately, is entirely selfish.

Not to mention - how many babies did she have to kill during the IVF process to get one to term? :mad:

Yes - it is indeed very sad.

~Liza


#4

I disagree with how it happened. I’m against it. But I have to say I can understand the desire. And what a comfort it might be to the soldier’s grieving parents to have a grandchild from him. To see him live on in a child and see his eyes or chin or smile on the face of a grandchild.

Often with long deployments, there isn’t time to conceive. If it doesn’t happen before they go, it may be another year before you can even try.

So I can understand why someone in her grief might want to have a child by a husband she loved and lost.

I wouldn’t beat her up for that. I feel sad for the young wives who mourn their husbands and they didn’t yet have a child. And many are pregnant when their husbands die and bring a child into the world without a father. But they do have a father. He’ll always be their father. There are worse ways to lose a father than through death, you know. I know of one woman who was in L&D not knowing her husband was being shot and killed at that very time.

I’ve seen way more selfish things done in my life for much less loving reasons.

I don’t agree. But I can understand.


#5

What I don’t understand, really, is why someone would freeze her spouse’s sperm before him leaving for deployment. It just seems rather morbid…


#6

Hey! I wanted to say exactly that! You beat me to it!


#7

Most guys bank prior to treatment of testicular cancer. What if they don’t survive the cancer? Tim


#8

Does not make it morally right, even if he does live. My ex had testicular cancer and we chose to not bank (even though I worked in a fertility clinic at the time). We had serious issues with reproductive technologies (why I don’t work there any more) and decided to leave it in God’s hands.

~Liza


#9

They were having fertility treatments, so there were sperm available for that. They didn’t freeze it because they thought he would die overseas. —KCT (sorry, that wasn’t clear)


#10

Actually I think I can see their logic. I mean, if your husband was leaving for war, and you both wanted a kid. Maybe they agreed to do this in case the worst happened so she could still have a part of him live on. Although the IVF is a question. :slight_smile: I could see why it would be done by a couple for AI, but IVF is a new one. hehe


#11

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