Children in interfaith marriage


#1

Recently i turned twenty, and my attention has turned to more long lived things, primarily relationships and career.

For sometime now, I've had this strange feeling that the girl I will marry will be catholic :blush: dont ask me why I think this, just a feeling. From experience, my inklings usually turn out to be accurate. Now my question is, from what I understand, as a non catholic I am required to get basically a 'yes' from a bishop to the marriage, and one of these requirements is swearing I will raise any children as catholic. An over simplification I am sure, and thats why Im asking, what exactly is required in that?


#2

[quote="Laughing_Crow, post:1, topic:220422"]
Recently i turned twenty, and my attention has turned to more long lived things, primarily relationships and career.

For sometime now, I've had this strange feeling that the girl I will marry will be catholic :blush: dont ask me why I think this, just a feeling. From experience, my inklings usually turn out to be accurate. Now my question is, from what I understand, as a non catholic I am required to get basically a 'yes' from a bishop to the marriage, and one of these requirements is swearing I will raise any children as catholic. An over simplification I am sure, and thats why Im asking, what exactly is required in that?

[/quote]

If you received a Trinitarian baptism (with water and in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit) the Catholic needs 'permission' to marry you. Many Bishops have given the authority to their pastors to grant this permission.

If you are not baptized, then the Catholic needs a 'dispensation' to marry you. That must come from the Bishop or his delegate.

As for children, the Catholic promises to do all in his/her power to have the children baptized and raised as Catholics. The non-Catholic is informed of the promise and what it implies but does not have to promise anything in return. The Church recognizes that the non-Catholic also has a conscience and may also feel the obligation to raise the children in his/her own faith.

If the children are not baptized and raised in the Catholic faith, the Catholic still has an obligation to teach and live the faith.


#3

The basics from the Catechism of the Catholic Church

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church,** a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority**.135 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.136 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.137

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."138 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.139 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.


#4

catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/mixed.htm

Furthermore, the Catholic partner in a mixed marriage is obliged, not only to remain steadfast in the faith, but also, as far as possible, to see to it that the children be baptized and brought up in that same faith and receive all those aids to eternal salvation which the Catholic Church provides for her sons and daughters.

The problem of the children's education is a particularly difficult one, in view of the fact that both husband and wife are bound by that responsibility and may by no means ignore it or any of the obligations connected with it. However the Church endeavors to meet this problem, just as she does the others, by her legislation and pastoral care.

Accordingly, in order that ecclesiastical discipline on mixed marriages be more perfectly formulated and that, without violating divine law, canon law should have regard for the different circumstances of married couples, in accordance with the mind of the Second Vatican Council expressed especially in the decree Unitatis Redintegratio [AAS 57 (1965), pp. 90-112.] and in the declaration Dignitatis Humanae, [AAS 58 (1966), pp. 929-946.] and also in the Synod of Bishops, we, by our own authority, and after mature deliberation, establish and decree the followings norms:

     1. A marriage between two baptized persons, of whom one is a Catholic, while the other is a non-Catholic, may not licitly be contracted without the previous dispensation of the local Ordinary, since such a marriage is by its nature an obstacle to the full spiritual communion of the married parties.

     2. A marriage between two persons of whom one has been baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it, while the other is unbaptized, entered into without previous dispensation by the local Ordinary, is invalid.

     3. The Church, taking into account the nature and circumstances of times, places and persons, is prepared to dispense from both impediments, provided there is a just cause.

     4. To obtain from the local Ordinary dispensation from an impediment, the Catholic party shall declare that he is ready to remove dangers of falling from the faith. He is also gravely bound to make a sincere promise to do all in his power to have all the children baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church.

     5. At an opportune time the non-Catholic party must be informed of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that he is cognizant of the promise and obligation on the part of the Catholic.

     6. Both parties are to be clearly instructed on the ends and essential properties of marriage, not to be excluded by either party.

#5

[quote="Phemie, post:2, topic:220422"]
If you received a Trinitarian baptism (with water and in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit) the Catholic needs 'permission' to marry you. Many Bishops have given the authority to their pastors to grant this permission.

If you are not baptized, then the Catholic needs a 'dispensation' to marry you. That must come from the Bishop or his delegate.

As for children, the Catholic promises to do all in his/her power to have the children baptized and raised as Catholics. The non-Catholic is informed of the promise and what it implies but does not have to promise anything in return. The Church recognizes that the non-Catholic also has a conscience and may also feel the obligation to raise the children in his/her own faith.

If the children are not baptized and raised in the Catholic faith, the Catholic still has an obligation to teach and live the faith.

[/quote]

I see, personally I was never baptized. Neither through catholic or protestant churches or any of their branches or sects.

I can also understand why interfaith marriage can be rocky, especially with people who are strong willed with their beliefs.

Also thanks Trishie for the link and post, though I had to re-read it a few times before I understood it :D


#6

I think you'll find that a marriage between a Catholic and an atheist as you are, can sometimes be painful and lonely, because you are not united in what is basic belief that means a great deal to the Catholic and could be a great source of frustration to an atheist partner who sees both spouse and children involved in activity and beliefs that seem foolish and unreal. My husband falls into the category of atheist, and though he is tolerant, there is a whole area of life we do not share.


#7

[quote="Trishie, post:6, topic:220422"]
I think you'll find that a marriage between a Catholic and an atheist as you are, can sometimes be painful and lonely, because you are not united in what is basic belief that means a great deal to the Catholic and could be a great source of frustration to an atheist partner who sees both spouse and children involved in activity and beliefs that seem foolish and unreal. My husband falls into the category of atheist, and though he is tolerant, there is a whole area of life we do not share.

[/quote]

What, oh right my status, well right now Id say im agnostic more, Im open to religion, but am not ready to believe in anyone sect. I do believe in a God, just as I believe in something evil. Though my beliefs are still not concrete as Im still in the 'grey' zone of religion, willing to believe, but not sure in what.


#8

I sent you a PM. Okay if I say a prayer or two for you? :) I probably can't avoid doing so. Second nature!


#9

Just curious, up until now, have Catholics had much influence in your life?


#10

[quote="Barbkw, post:9, topic:220422"]
Just curious, up until now, have Catholics had much influence in your life?

[/quote]

Eh, depends on how you mean influenced, for most of my life (up till about 2 or 3 years ago) I was opposed to all religion, seeing it as an escape for delusional fools who couldn't accept the fact everyone is born alone and dies alone and will eventually be forgotten completely by history, especially Christianity. So yes in a way it has shaped my life, though as an object of loathing rather then hope.

The 3 years I wasn't thinking of how to instigate fights with anyone of faith , not so much, I took a more 'meh whatever, believe what you want' stance on it. Thats why I find it odd I assume I will be with a woman of the faith. Though also I never really considered family life up until about a year ago as I never considered myself good husband and/or father material.


#11

[quote="Laughing_Crow, post:10, topic:220422"]
Eh, depends on how you mean influenced, for most of my life (up till about 2 or 3 years ago) I was opposed to all religion, seeing it as an escape for delusional fools who couldn't accept the fact everyone is born alone and dies alone and will eventually be forgotten completely by history, especially Christianity. So yes in a way it has shaped my life, though as an object of loathing rather then hope.

The 3 years I wasn't thinking of how to instigate fights with anyone of faith , not so much, I took a more 'meh whatever, believe what you want' stance on it. Thats why I find it odd I assume I will be with a woman of the faith. Though also I never really considered family life up until about a year ago as I never considered myself good husband and/or father material.

[/quote]

This is probably more telling than where you are on your "faith journey" than anything else. Sometimes as human beings we are attracted to good qualities we see in other people because we want them for ourselves but do not know yet how to attain them. This is just some food for thought as you have not yet met a woman that fits this bill as of yet.


#12

[quote="joandarc2008, post:11, topic:220422"]
This is probably more telling than where you are on your "faith journey" than anything else. Sometimes as human beings we are attracted to good qualities we see in other people because we want them for ourselves but do not know yet how to attain them. This is just some food for thought as you have not yet met a woman that fits this bill as of yet.

[/quote]

Thanks for your reply :)

So from what your saying, Im projecting qualities of what I want myself to be onto another? Is that what your saying?


#13

[quote="Laughing_Crow, post:12, topic:220422"]
Thanks for your reply :)

So from what your saying, Im projecting qualities of what I want myself to be onto another? Is that what your saying?

[/quote]

By saying it is a quality that you want in a future partner - yes. It could be worth looking at. I am not saying this completely cold - I am also saying this after some of the past posts on here. Wish you luck in your continued faith journey.


#14

[quote="joandarc2008, post:13, topic:220422"]
By saying it is a quality that you want in a future partner - yes. It could be worth looking at. I am not saying this completely cold - I am also saying this after some of the past posts on here. Wish you luck in your continued faith journey.

[/quote]

No it isnt cold at all. In fact I prefer someone being straight forward with their opinions so dont apologize for it:). Thanks for your input, I will look at it.


#15

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