Hi I really need some help. I am going to give you a little background so you understand my situation. I am 32 years old and my husband is 37 years old. We have been together 6 years. We got married April 28,2007.
I have been in school to becoming a court reporter for many, many years (8 Years). I am finally at the end of my schooling. Court Reporting is a really hard career and it has taken a long time for me to complete. I graduated last June 2006 and went to the State Exam to get certified. It is a 3 part test. I passed 2 parts. I have been to the test 3 times and have not been able to pass the last pending part of the exam. On July 14th, I will be retaking it again in hopes of passing this last part so that I can get certified by the State and start working. If God permits, I will pass this time.
My husband and I have always agreed that we want 3 kids. For some reason for the past year, I have been desperately wanting to start a family. My husband and I don’t own a home. We rent. We’ve been wanting to buy a home, but they are so expensive right now that we can’t so we are waiting for the market to go down a little more so we can buy. He is the only one working. I attend school fulltime (even though I graduated) so that I can stay up to date and ready for the test. My husband and I have discussed starting a family and he says that right now is not the time because I am still trying to finish school and he doesn’t want the baby to take away from my attention to my studies. Plus, because I am not working and still going to school he says daycare would be a problem with it being so expensive. I told him a cousin of mine could watch the baby while I try to finish school, but he didn’t seem to convinced. He says when I finish school we then could afford to buy a house and have a family. But the thing is I feel I am getting older and really want a family now. He says I can’t do both because one will take from the other and he doesn’t want that. But I know that I can do it. He says that I should use the fact that I want a baby so bad to be my motivation to get me to pass this last test, which I have been doing but still have not passed it. I am getting very depressed at the thought that I have to wait until I finish school to have a family.
Why am I feeling this way. A part of me tells me my husband is right in saying that we should wait, but there is this strong feeling inside me pulling me towards a family. I sometimes feel my husband is scared of starting a family and buying a home. I think we would be able to make it on his income for a little while until I finished school. He says he’s just being responsible. But I think he’s afraid. Please help me. I have prayed that if I am incorrect and my feelings are not of our Lord that our Lord help me follow His will. I too pray that if my husband’s point of view is not of our Lord please change him. I really don’t know what to do. Part of me gets so upset with myself for wanting a family now since I am still in school, but I feel this ache in my heart for a baby. What is going on? I just feel that my husband is scared and he just gives excuses. I trust in our Lord that we would be okay but that doesn’t seem enough for my husband.
Any help is greatly appreciated. I need some insight and peace. Please pray for us.
God Bless you.