Choice of godparents


#1

One of my sons has two children and his only sibling (his brother) is unmarried and the godfather of my granddaughter.

It now seems that my daughter-in -law’s brother and sister will be the godparents of my new born son. This has hurt me very much, as I would like my unmarried son to be the godfather of both my grandchildren.

I will not have any more grandchildren and my grandson is very ill, but I hope will survive.

Am I reasonable to want my side of the family to be the godparent of my only grandson?

Should I interfere?


#2

Remember that it is not only your daughter-in-law making this decision. Your son is also choosing an appropriate godparent for his son. I am sure you did a fine job raising your son and can be proud of the decision he is making to have his own son baptized to raise him in the faith.

I will pray that your grandson will live to see his own grandchildren.


#3

Thanks, John.

The key question seems to be" can an uncle me the godparent of more than one niece or nephew"? Is this desirable?


#4

The only requirements I am aware of for godparents is that they be Catholics in good standing and have received the sacrament of Confirmation, themselves.

A couple may choose the same person to be godparent to all their children or a different godparent for each. The godparent need not be a family member at all.

My godmother is a family friend (very close at the time to my grandmother). My son's godparents are good friends. My wife and I are godparents to three children from that same circle of friends (most of whom do not lack for family members). My daughter's godmother is my sister-in-law (she is also godmother to some of my other nieces). I am the godfather of my nephew. So in the family or not is not the primary concern. Having a godparent from outside the family does not make your family smaller.

The bottom line, though, is that, while there is no regulation for choosing godparents (outside of "Confirmed Catholic in good standing"), it is best to let the parents decide who should be godparents for their children.


#5

I would be very upset if both godparents came from the daughter-in-law’s family.


#6

Don’t you think that her family would feel the same if your son was godfather for both children?


#7

[quote="Phemie, post:6, topic:299645"]
Don't you think that her family would feel the same if your son was godfather for both children?

[/quote]

Exactly my thought. Is there another living grandmother? Should she be hurt that your son is Godfather?


#8

[quote="NoelFitz, post:5, topic:299645"]
I would be very upset if both godparents came from the daughter-in-law's family.

[/quote]

Do you have some reason to believe they won't be good godparents? That would be the only reason to be upset. Godparents don't even have to be family members, much less members of only one side of the family.


#9

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
Am I reasonable to want my side of the family to be the godparent of my only grandson?

[/quote]

You are not being reasonable. Your grandchildren have two parents. Both parents have their own parents, may be siblings, and other family members. Therefore, not all godparents should come from your side of the family. How would you feel if no one from your side of the family was a godparent? That is how your daughter-in-law's parents will feel if all the godparents were chosen from your side of the family.

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
Should I interfere?

[/quote]

No you should not. It is the parents' decision, not yours. I know it can be difficult for grandparents not to interfere. But, as I often remind my beloved mother she didn't like interference from her parents regarding how she brought up me and my siblings.

On another note, the choice of godparent should be based on someone who would be a good example to the godchild and who has a secure and orthodox Catholic faith.

I dearly hope your grandson recovers.


#10

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
One of my sons has two children and his only sibling (his brother) is unmarried and the godfather of my granddaughter.

It now seems that my daughter-in -law's brother and sister will be the godparents of my new born son. This has hurt me very much, as I would like my unmarried son to be the godfather of both my grandchildren.

I will not have any more grandchildren and my grandson is very ill, but I hope will survive.

Am I reasonable to want my side of the family to be the godparent of my only grandson?

Should I interfere?

[/quote]

I understand how you feel about the situation, but you want to get involved in a relationship (both your sons and the mother of the child) where you do not belong. This should be left only to the people directly involved.


#11

Thanks for all your replies.

There are conflicting opinions being expressed.

I told my son in strong terms my views, and I think the problem is resolved.

Please remember my family and especially the new baby in your prayers.

I am grateful to all who contributed to this discussion.


#12

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
One of my sons has two children and his only sibling (his brother) is unmarried and the godfather of my granddaughter.

It now seems that my daughter-in -law's brother and sister will be the godparents of my new born son. This has hurt me very much, as I would like my unmarried son to be the godfather of both my grandchildren.

I will not have any more grandchildren and my grandson is very ill, but I hope will survive.

Am I reasonable to want my side of the family to be the godparent of my only grandson?

[/quote]

Yes, this is extremely unreasonable. Your DIL and her side of the family is in the picture as well. Why should they act as though they don't exist? Why is it that your son should be the godparent of both your grandchildren?

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
Should I interfere?

[/quote]

Definitely not. Not only should you not interfere, you shouldn't even be involved in the discussion. This is a private decision for the parents to make. Take this from a person with a baby and a toddler and had his wife's mother interfere with our godparent choice. It causes problems. Even if they don't admit it or let on, they will resent you for it.


#13

[quote="NoelFitz, post:1, topic:299645"]
One of my sons has two children and his only sibling (his brother) is unmarried and the godfather of my granddaughter.

It now seems that my daughter-in -law's brother and sister will be the godparents of my new born son. This has hurt me very much, as I would like my unmarried son to be the godfather of both my grandchildren.

I will not have any more grandchildren and my grandson is very ill, but I hope will survive.

Am I reasonable to want my side of the family to be the godparent of my only grandson?

Should I interfere?

[/quote]

I will pray for your grandson and his recovery.

For the sake of your son's marriage, please don't interfere in this decision, which rightfully belongs to your son and daughter-in-law. I personally do think that you are being unreasonable, but that is really beside the point. Your son and daughter-in-law are now a family. They need to be able to make decisions in the best interest of their family without undue outside influence. To force your son to choose between you and his wife will cause a strain in their marriage and a strain in the relationship between you and their whole family.


#14

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