Choosing marriage?


Hi all,

My friend is in a dilemma and I want to give the best advice possible. I have found it to be quite a conundrum and would like to hear other opinions on this.

She is planning to get married soon (this year), but is going to have to move far away (out of state). She is particularly close to her grandmother, who does not have many friends and whose health is slowly declining. Her grandmother looks to her for companionship, which my friend does not mind at all.

Because she is moving, she has invited her grandmother to come move with her, but the grandmother will not do this at all. My friend has to move to be with her husband. What should be more of a priority for her-- supporting her husband or taking care of a widow, both of which are very biblical characteristics we are called to?

How can she resolve both without feeling like she has to give up one for the other, or that she is letting one feel more important than the other?


This is not a easy choice to make. First of all who looks after the Grandmother does she stay alone or does she live in a old age home.

Your friend cannot also put her life on hold for somebody else. She also has a life to live. She made an offer for the Granny to go with her and she refused. She should not feel guilty about moving on with her life. And that is not selfish or spiteful.

She needs to sit down and discuss this issue with her Grandmother and explain to her the dilemna she is in right now. If her and her Granny have the kind of relationship that they do then I am sure that they can find a solution to this problem.

I will keep her in my prayers and I hope and prayer that she finds the solution that she needs.


I liked the response above! I would also suggest she have a discussion with her husband and explain how important it is to her to be able to provide her grandmother companionship especially since she is in declining health. Maybe she could work out times with her hubby during which she could go visit grandma and stay with her for awhile. She could also suggest a few days a week she and grandma could have some phone time to catch up (I talk to my grandma on the phone nearly everyday) I also got my grandma to start using email, if thats to much for her grandma there is always snailmail. The important thing is that she finds a way to maitain a quality relationship with he grandma while starting her new life with her hubby.


When she is married, her husband has to come first. It would be no different if she had this dilema with her parents. Yes, we are called to honor our father and mother, but that refers to their needs, NOT their wants.

Granny doesn’t want to move. That is her choice. She has free will too. But she can’t expect your friend to deny the need to be with her husband so that she can fill her granny’s wants.

We are responsible to make sure our parents/grandparents have food, shelter, clothing etc. We are required to give them the best quality of life we can, within our means. But we cannot take from our new family (husband and children) if it will cause their suffering (financial or time etc).

Your firend also has the option of postponing her marriage to care for her grandmother until she passes.



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