Christianity and Oral Sex

My husband and I are undergoing therapy to further strengthen our marriage. I have recently returned to the faith and we are having some problems with moral issues. Can we claim to a true Pro Life Christians, but still practice Oral sex within marriage? Thru my recent findings, I have learned that oral sex is completely not allowed by the Catholic church since it doesn't allow for procreation at all. My spouse is trying to learn about this issue coming from a non demoninational point of view and of course of coming up with a different answer. Since most Protestants believe that contraception is ok the resources that he reading state then that oral sex must too be okay within the context of marriage. But since the Catholic church is where I feel most at home, then how to help my spouse understand that this is no longer acceptable in our marriage? ( I have posted about similar issues recently, but I want specifics to this particular question) Thanks so much.

You can do a search if you like, I know this topic has been discussed before. It is not true that it is completely not allowed.

From what I understand, oral (and other manual stimulation) is okay as foreplay only. The act must end in intercourse.

The reasoning behind this is that sex between husband and wife is ordered towards procreation. Just having oral sex doesn't allow for procreation.

[quote="the_hazel_nut, post:2, topic:192407"]
You can do a search if you like, I know this topic has been discussed before. It is not true that it is completely not allowed.

From what I understand, oral (and other manual stimulation) is okay as foreplay only. The act must end in intercourse.

The reasoning behind this is that sex between husband and wife is ordered towards procreation. Just having oral sex doesn't allow for procreation.

[/quote]

This is the problem. I understand that the end result must be procreative, but my husband thinks that as long as we love eachother and are performing the act out of love than that is sufficient. I have no problems with doing this as foreplay, but he wants to have it this be the only act that takes place.

Maybe read this together?
amazon.com/Good-News-About-Sex-Marriage/dp/0867166193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269795945&sr=8-1

I would suggest a book called "Holy Sex!" by Gregory Popcak and "Good News about Sex and Marriage" from Christopher West.

Oral stimulation, as long as both are comfortable with it, may be acceptable as long as the husband does not ejaculate.

God designed semen to go into the vagina. God designed food to go in the mouth. To think it is normal for semen to go into the mouth makes as much sense to put a cheeseburger in the vagina.

Ask your husband what God did to Onan when Onan ejaculated somewhere other than the vagina.

Ditto on the Christopher West book!

M

[quote="Mamanurse, post:3, topic:192407"]
This is the problem. I understand that the end result must be procreative, but my husband thinks that as long as we love eachother and are performing the act out of love than that is sufficient. I have no problems with doing this as foreplay, but he wants to have it this be the only act that takes place.

[/quote]

Oh, okay.... well I hope someone on this forum can give you good advice. Its really hard to get someone to adhere to the morality of your religion if they do not follow it. I guess all you can do is try to help him understand that from the catholic point of view it is about love and being close to each other, but also openness to new life...

[quote="the_hazel_nut, post:7, topic:192407"]
Oh, okay.... well I hope someone on this forum can give you good advice. Its really hard to get someone to adhere to the morality of your religion if they do not follow it. I guess all you can do is try to help him understand that from the catholic point of view it is about love and being close to each other, but also openness to new life...

[/quote]

I am sorry, but I forgot to mention in my original post that my husband is not catholic. And yes, it has been very difficult since returning to the church to try and work on these moral issues within our marriage. Thank you for your input.....I did start reading Theology of the Body for Beginners.....I am hopeful that he may pick it up and start to read it at some point.

I realize that oral sex probably feels very good. However, it also just feels like it would be degrading. It isnt as degrading as anal sex would be however I dont think it is what is intended by becoming one flesh. It seems to serve the purpose of being more selfish than giving since one side is giving pleasure to other instead of both sides contributing to give themselves to each other.

[quote="mjs1987, post:9, topic:192407"]
It seems to serve the purpose of being more selfish than giving since one side is giving pleasure to other instead of both sides contributing to give themselves to each other.

[/quote]

I agree.

Oral sex can be used as foreplay but it can't end there. If he isn't Catholic then you need to explain to him you are unwilling to participate in it because you feel it's wrong, he needs to respect that.

And I agree with the other poster here, I find oral sex degrading personally, but to each their own. :shrug:

[quote="kage_ar, post:5, topic:192407"]
Oral stimulation, as long as both are comfortable with it, may be acceptable as long as the husband does not ejaculate.

[/quote]

What about the wife? Does it not matter?

God designed semen to go into the vagina. God designed food to go in the mouth. To think it is normal for semen to go into the mouth makes as much sense to put a cheeseburger in the vagina.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[quote="mjs1987, post:9, topic:192407"]
I realize that oral sex probably feels very good. However, it also just feels like it would be degrading. It isnt as degrading as anal sex would be however I dont think it is what is intended by becoming one flesh. It seems to serve the purpose of being more selfish than giving since one side is giving pleasure to other instead of both sides contributing to give themselves to each other.

[/quote]

  1. There's always reciprocation. Even mutual reciprocation, technically, but, yes, you are right. On porn sites that's typically what they always show in some form at some point, oral. They advertise it with degrading terms.

What made me think ill of oral was when a comedian, Mitch Fatel, who I used to find humourous, had his own stand up special, on Comedy Central. It was ALL about sex. ALL of it. It's like how "Larry the Cable Guy"'s whole schtick is bathroom humour. His entire set was about sex.

He commented how he hated when women kiss his tummy too long before they preform oral on him. He likened it to a child scared to go onto a school bus for the first time and immitated pushing her head down. 'It's like, before I do the most discusting and degrading act ever, I'm going to pretend that I'm not a whore.' He said something like that. He then said how he hates oral because he's lying there, naked and cold, the girl runs out of the room to spit....
He then goes on to say how he enjoys manual stimulation more....

  1. Anyway, I remember YEARS ago, on Jerry Springer, I think, that a...guy...I think, had his girlfriend(?) preform oral on him, because he didn't want to sleep with her and then the reveal: he was cheating on her with some guy who he was having sex with. By him not having to sleep with her, he didn't have to do any work, and, by still receiving from her, he was allowed to fantasize even more about him cheating.

See these articles on Catholic sexual ethics:
catholicplanet.com/CCSE/index.htm

[quote="kage_ar, post:5, topic:192407"]

God designed semen to go into the vagina. God designed food to go in the mouth. To think it is normal for semen to go into the mouth makes as much sense to put a cheeseburger in the vagina.

[/quote]

Is a penis designed by God to go in the mouth then?

[quote="the_hazel_nut, post:7, topic:192407"]
Oh, okay.... well I hope someone on this forum can give you good advice. Its really hard to get someone to adhere to the morality of your religion if they do not follow it. I guess all you can do is try to help him understand that from the catholic point of view it is about love and being close to each other, but also openness to new life...

[/quote]

This is a subject that does not have to do with oral sex, exclusively. You could say the same thing about any habitual sin, such as stealing or adultery or idolatry.

It isn't just the Catholic Church, it is Jesus Christ who said "be perfect" as your heavenly Father is perfect. (mt 5: 48). There is no doubt about this, is there?

So, yes, you cannot find a Catholic who does not sin, this is settled. Is there any such perfect person elsewhere in Christianity? I doubt it. Scripture says that is impossible. We all sin.

This question comes down to a couple issues. One has to do with whether natural law exists and how so does it apply? The criticism is, how can we be sure about this natural law, which all might not agree with?

[quote="adstrinity, post:12, topic:192407"]
What about the wife? Does it not matter?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  1. There's always reciprocation. Even mutual reciprocation, technically, but, yes, you are right. On porn sites that's typically what they always show in some form at some point, oral. They advertise it with degrading terms.

What made me think ill of oral was when a comedian, Mitch Fatel, who I used to find humourous, had his own stand up special, on Comedy Central. It was ALL about sex. ALL of it. It's like how "Larry the Cable Guy"'s whole schtick is bathroom humour. His entire set was about sex.

He commented how he hated when women kiss his tummy too long before they preform oral on him. He likened it to a child scared to go onto a school bus for the first time and immitated pushing her head down. 'It's like, before I do the most discusting and degrading act ever, I'm going to pretend that I'm not a whore.' He said something like that. He then said how he hates oral because he's lying there, naked and cold, the girl runs out of the room to spit....
He then goes on to say how he enjoys manual stimulation more....

  1. Anyway, I remember YEARS ago, on Jerry Springer, I think, that a...guy...I think, had his girlfriend(?) preform oral on him, because he didn't want to sleep with her and then the reveal: he was cheating on her with some guy who he was having sex with. By him not having to sleep with her, he didn't have to do any work, and, by still receiving from her, he was allowed to fantasize even more about him cheating.

[/quote]

:confused: What does this have to do with anything? This post is extremely inappropriate :confused:

Marriage moral manuals before Vatican II & after clearly state everything is permissible as long as the seed is deposited.A womans climax brought on by oral or manual just fine in regards to this. Having said that,you mention Augustine who hailed sex in marriage a necessary evil tainted with sin as a source, are u kidding me ? he suggested Adam got his erection thru flatulence before the fall,in order to get aroused. Aquinas who hailed rape & incest less sins than masturbation because the male seed at the time was considered life itsel.In masturbation it got spilled as opposed to incest.There was no understanding of a egg,which didn’t become discovered till 1800s. Conscience as always holds supreme.The bible is silent on the matter because God knows its up to the couple. Modern scholarship on song of songs hails some references as implying oral sex as 2 lovers celebrate there love. Even pius XII in a speech hailed nothing is shameful as long as the act(seed in vagina) is complete in a speech during WWII

This thread was started 4 years ago…

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.