This past weekend I managed to upset my mom to the point where she barely spoke to me (like maybe 5 sentences total per day). I believe it is due to the fact that I opted out of my family grab bag for the second year in a row due to money (the min. for the grab bag is $50 plus each person has to chip in $15 - $20 for Christmas dinner catering instead of us doing a potluck). I did, however, decide to be a part of my dd’s dad’s family grab bag $20 max. because it’s cheap and they have always been so welcoming to me. This is the first year they are doing a grab bag and well, they don’t complain and compare presents and how much so and so spent, etc. Well, my mom doesn’t seem to understand why I would be a part of their grab bag and not my own family’s. Most of my family is well off (except for me and one or two cousins) so for them, it isn’t a big deal to spend $50 minimum per person. Am I crazy to want out of my family’s grab bag? I don’t want out of spending Christmas with them, I just want out of the extravagence.
Maybe your family could do the grab bag but say that the MAXIMUM is $50. Seems kind of tacky to do it the other way around. Every family has richer-poorer relatives. It’s important to consider the less wealthy. Dinner sounds reasonable, though.
$20 per person for catering!!! :eek: My family would never ever spend that much on catering. We buy a big cold cut tray from the deli, chips and dips - and then bring desserts or sodas.
Order a pizza for your family and opt out of the catered meal.
We do maximums on the grab bag gift - it is $25.
My advice, there was no need to tell your mom that you were participating with the other family grab bag - I’d have just kept quiet about that, and graciously not participated due to financial constraints. Show up after dinner with a big plate of cookies for everyone to share.
How does a Christmas grab bag work? I’ve always believed that the presents are extras on Christmas, something that we aren’t supposed to believe are guarented to us.
In our family, all of the adults who want to participate put their name in a hat. Each draws a name. That is the person you will be gifting. With large families, it helps - in my family I’m one of 4 siblings. Bring in spouses and now adult children, and no one could afford gifts for everyone else.
This way, everyone has a gift, and it keeps things in control.
I see. that makes sense. I am just sending my brother and sister lots of home baked goodies this year. But when you include kids, who really want a gift, it can ge expensive.
In our family we only buy gifts for the children and then we put all of the siblings and their spouses names into a hat and draw. The limit is 40.00
No you are not wrong for opting out.
Your family is being unreasonable.