Christmas stress already


#1

Yesterday my dad offered to pay for my daughter and I to fly out to visit him for a few days before Christmas. I had informed him that I could go, but that my daughter’s father would have to agree for her to go (which he doesn’t). My dad told me to grow up and hung up the phone (he wasn’t too happy). I don’t have the heart to tell him that I hate visiting with him for more than a few hours because all he does is criticize me. Well, my mom (his ex-wife) thinks that I’m being a jerk for not going for the couple of days and that I’m cutting off ties (which I don’t believe that I am) by not going on this trip. I have visited him 3 times since my daughter’s birth (2 of the time were just me and my daughter). The last visit we had to leave a day early b/c my daughter’s asthma was acting up and I believe it was due to all the dog hair in my dad’s house (my allergies were terrible too). I am usually counting down the days and hours until my flight home when I’m visiting him. So, I guess, my question is, what would anyone here do if in my situation. I will not go, but I don’t know how to tell my dad without it turning into WWIII.

Thanks,
Gina


#2

Actually I don’t think you need to say anything. Your father has already said ( or not said) it for you…HE hung up on you.

Lick your wounds…forgive your father and then count your blessings…move on with your life. You have a child to care for.


#3

Hi doll:

Sounds like you’re being bullied by all sides–not exactly the makings of a happy Christmas plan.

Step back from all the expectations and other people’s needs/plans for you and consider how YOU would like to spend the Christmas holiday with your child. Then plan accordingly. Invite those who will support you and enhance the peace and joy of the season to join you. Politely, but firmly, decline to be ordered around by anyone and avoid the bullies entirely.

You are not a teenager seeking your parents’ permission or approval. You are a grown woman and mother–take some control over decisions about how, where and with whom you (and your child) will spend your time. Being a good daughter does not mean you fall prey to being manipulated by those who like to wear the title of “family,” but don’t act the part.


#4

what she says.

I would also put this into your daily prayers - not just your Dad but the entire situation. Let Him know that you have no idea what to do or how to act and ask for guidance. It will come.


#5

When people in our family were bullying us and being generally insufferable, DH and I decided not to hold the big Easter dinner for the family and, if invited, not to join the fun anywhere else either.

People were seriously offended. I got a phone call from SIL who told me we had offended the whole family and that we were cutting ties and had caused a great deal of hurt. I responded:

However much hurt and offense people might have felt by our NOT being present certainly is no worse that the hurt and offense that are given when we HAVE all been together. I regret any hurt people might have felt but since DH’s blood pressure has been clocked at 216/105 following these family gatherings, we felt that it was needful to keep him away from life threatening danger, as I am sure you will agree.


#6

Scripture tells us " a soft answer turns away wrath"… in this situation, a soft answer might be the best response “sorry. our schedules will not permit a visit at Christmas this year”. That should be enough…


closed #7

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