[quote="prodigalson12, post:1, topic:180229"]
This year has been tremendous, it's not getting any easier, and it's been a case of doing spiritual battle in an almost constant manner, almost every single day. I've had brief glimpses of what is referenced along Christs peace, for the first time in my life, but those times never last very long at all. I now know what can be experienced, and scripture makes more sense to me in reference to it. I was told by someone that it cannot last with me due to the troubled past I've endured, and there is a great deal I still need to be healed from.
I'm kind of perplexed here, isn't there any mediations, prayers, or techniques that can be used to be able to instill this inner peace? I was even confronted today by my room mate, he mentioned that he's noticed I'm never really at peace, and it's not something I can just put on a happy face and pretend to be there when clearly it's not. I guess part of that assumption as well, I never smile, and I'm told I appear too serious, I have many reasons for not doing so, but that's just me, I can be happy, but still not show it, and smiling is something that is awkward for me to do, so I just don't bother.
I had this one week, where the feeling of peace was very strong, I was even starting to feel that joy which is spoken of, and trying to retrace my steps never worked, so I'm at a loss with this for now.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your journey so far. It's good to hear that you are making progress.
In reference to your questions - pretty much every one of the mystic doctors of the Church write of this problem. It relates to trying to hold on to the peace, the Love, the vision of Christ. Sometimes this feeling is strong and sometimes it feels weak, even absent. When the feeling is weak or absent, it is what is refered to by them as "the dark night".
This dark night is made worse by the fact that we have glimpsed a bit more of God's Love and then it was seemingly,"taken away".
The only advise I can offer, based on my reading and experience, is to persevere. God provides these "dry" spots in order to give us the opportunity to lean even more on Him.
I'm sure that many people will be able to give you suggestions on prayers, meditations, devotions etc, that might help, but my suggestion is to keep on doing what you have been. Try not to become to "intense" about it all. Just try to be prayerful but then just "rest in God", so that He can work on you in His time, which is not our time.
And by the way I know just what you are talking about in trying to figure out the best way. I have been trying to figure out the right balance of prayer and petition, faith and trust, hope and effort, so that God will heal my dear wife of Alzheimers Disease.
While I have grown quite abit, I have found that I get too intense about it. I try to do too much on my own (prayer and so forth). The best I can do is Ask God for healing, and accept His will in the matter. I suggest that this is what you must do as well. Ask God for peace, and then accept His will for you with joy and hope.