Chronic Derealization and Excessive Masturbation

14 years ago (around 18 years old) I started masturbating a few times per day. Every time I would do it I would feel anxious for about a day after. However, then suddenly after about a year of this practice I gradually developped severe anxiety along with a horrifying disorder that now sounds very much like some form of Derealization disorder. In this state of derealization I was unable to experience environments fully and unable to experience any emotions. I would find it very difficult to communicate and socialize with others while experiencing a complete absence of emotional response. I had no drive or ambition in this state and familiar places would look alien, bizzare and surreal and like I was looking at the world through a 2d television screen. It felt like I was in hell. During that time I also discovered that this state of derealization would only take place if I stopped masturbating for about a couple of weeks and when I would masturbate again I would temporarily escape this derealization state until I stopped masturbating again. Since that time I kept on masturbating regularly since it was the cause of letting me escape the hell of derealization and that’s how I lived my life for the next 12 years . 2 years ago I was forced into a hospital psychiatric ward by a court order initiated by my parents. I was forced in there for about 1 1/2 months where during that time I did NOT masturbate at all. I entered back into the state of derealization. However, when I was discharged from the hospital and tried masturbating again I was no longer able to escape the state of derealization. It was then that I realized that this condition has now become Chronic and Permanent. I am now living with chronic derealization which has been making me feel very suicidal over the past time (almost 2 years) since hospital discharge and to be really honest I don’t believe there is anything I can do or anyone else can do that will allow me to get better.

My question is has anyone here ever experienced derealization or who can relate to how masturbation can cause such a terrifying condition? I understand that the catholic church condemns masturbation which I think is a very good thing however what about warning people also about the chronic disorders that can result from repeating this action?

Sorry to hear of your struggles Chris. You might check out a site called MDjunction.com. It is a large forum with groups that address people that suffer from OCD, bi-polar, anxiety disorder and much more. I found it when I was interested in talking with people with aspergers syndrome.

While we discuss a wide variety of issues here, and yes there is discussion of the habit that you are concerned about, I think this site I have recommended might be more helpful. You are always of course welcome here! I will pray for you.

Chris,

Please speak to professional mental health workers about these experiences.

NO ONE on this forum is qualified to help with such a concerning issue to you.

There is a real danger our advice could aggravate your condition and increase negatively any cause and affects.

Do you have a professional you can speak to now? Today?

I’m sorry I can’t relate to your first question. Even though discharged from the hospital, you really need to be seeing a mental health professional regularly if you aren’t already. As for chronic disorders, I haven’t heard of anyone having that problem besides yourself. Usually the problems people have when quitting that addiction are more benign like insomnia. I’m sure the Church would mention disorders if there were was a clear consensus among medical professionals, but there isn’t really. The Church condemns it due of its selfish nature, not any kind of disorder (unless selfishness is a disorder).

Hmmm… I am inclined to second this advice. I dare not add anymore because even those who have the same disorder may have different experiences/contexts and thus different needs/concerns. Rest assured I am praying for you. Get the medical advice you need and do not underestimate the power of prayer.

I have spoken to and seen several mental health professionals throughout time with my experience with Derealization. 14 years ago I went to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression and prescribed me medications which did not help at all. I also (during that time) had a MRI and CT scan done of my head where they found nothing wrong at all. About 2 years ago (when I was forced into the psychiatric ward) I was forced to take injections for 3 years of a medication (Invegga Sustenna) following a psychiatist who diagnosed me with Psychosis and later changed to Schizophrenia (and I can tell you I knew for certain that I didn’t have this). This order of 3 years was later dropped after 1 1/2 years when they saw that it wasn’t doing anything to improve my condition (I wasn’t surprised at all). I am now due to see an outpatient Psychiatrist in a few days (March 17th 2017) who is going to see how I’m doing and probably change diagnosis again (though from past visits I am really not hopeful that he will have any valuable solution to add to my situation). I posted my case on this website because I don’t see any medical professional having the right answers to my condition since it is entirely a spiritual problem and not a physical one. After reading through the catechism and the bible I honestly believe that I have committed the unforgivable sin around 14 years ago through repeated masturbation.

With masturbation addiction, neurologists generally believe you need 90-120 days sober from the chemicals your brain over-produces during masturbation, in order to experience the benefits of recovery. I would try 90-120 day abstinence, possibly with counseling/therapy/group meetings, to see how your brain adjusts without the biological drugs of masturbation.

www.yourbrainonporn.com

I have spoken to and seen several mental health professionals throughout time with my experience with Derealization. 14 years ago I went to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression and prescribed me medications which did not help at all. I also (during that time) had a MRI and CT scan done of my head where they found nothing wrong at all. About 2 years ago (when I was forced into the psychiatric ward) I was forced to take injections for 3 years of a medication (Invegga Sustenna) following a psychiatist who diagnosed me with Psychosis and later changed to Schizophrenia (and I can tell you I knew for certain that I didn’t have this). This order of 3 years was later dropped after 1 1/2 years when they saw that it wasn’t doing anything to improve my condition (I wasn’t surprised at all). I am now due to see an outpatient Psychiatrist in a few days (March 17th 2017) who is going to see how I’m doing and probably change diagnosis again (though from past visits I am really not hopeful that he will have any valuable solution to add to my situation). I posted my case on this website because I don’t see any medical professional having the right answers to my condition since it is entirely a spiritual problem and not a physical one. After reading through the catechism and the bible I honestly believe that I have committed the unforgivable sin around 14 years ago through repeated masturbation.

No sin you describe is unforgiveable. Just ask forgiveness. Go to confession. Job done. Every time you fall, go back to confession.
Dont sweat that, confession is there for a reason. When is the last time you went?

Please show your outpatient Psychiatrist this thread at your appointment next week. It should help a lot if he/she knows what you are thinking and feeling.

I pray for answers for you.

Have you ever experienced a sin in your past that you can say with absolute certainty was unforgivable? Probably not.

The Catechism states the following:
““1864 Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss.”

Furthermore the Holy Bible (Catholic Edition) extends the Catechism quote with the following (in Matthew 12.32):
“Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.”

The catechism does not specify in the quote at what point in a person’s life “final impenitence and eternal loss” can actually occur meaning it can happen not only after death but also before death (or while living on earth). Notice also how the Bible quote specifically says “either in this age or in the age to come” suggesting that there is such a thing as an unforgivable sin that can occur here on earth (before death).

Since being in a state of Chronic Derealization about 2 years ago I’ve asked for forgiveness numerous times and been to a few confessions shortly after i’ve been in this condition and didn’t feel any different after. I literally feel like God has totally abandoned me and doesn’t recognize or even reward my efforts or works anymore. I feel dead inside and emotionless.

Two things.

  1. Chris do you believe Jesus Christ died on the Cross and was Resurrected, for the forgiveness of Sin?

  2. I spoke to a close friend who has been in Mental Health for almost 40yrs. He has worked in CAT teams, rehab, Acute Units, you name it.

He says Derealization is a symptom, not the cause. And says it takes quite some time, and a few periods of illness to diagnose some of these issues. He suggests definately keeping your outpatient appointment, discussing the issues you have here, with your Mental Health worker, especially the connection you are making between derealization and masturbation.

AND

informing them if you have stopped taking any medications, and discussing the reasons why you stopped.

I will pray for you. Please let us know how you get on, and where our prayers might help most.

Remember , Derealization is a symptom, not the cause.

May God keep you and bless you on your journey, and gift you courage to face your trials.

I do believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and was Resurrected for the forgiveness of sin. I always have. I also do understand that Derealization is a symptom and not the cause. All the personal evidence i’ve gathered since 14 years ago points the cause to repeated masturbation and I am honestly convinced that it was caused by it. Ok. I will keep that in mind.

I think your over stressing about whether God can for give m_. If He can forgive St. Mary of Egypt of the her sinfull past life, or David’s egregious sins, then He can forgive your sin.

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